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Sufferer Experienced first hospitalization with C-PTSD / Betrayed and Isolated

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AutumnBreeze

I am relieved to find a group that understands what I’m going through, and I’m surprised it’s taken me so long to get here. But, here goes. I had a life threatening seizure at work last month. All tests are normal. Once again, I‘m being told to get therapy for panic attacks. I had no idea you could have a seizure and stop breathing from PTSD. But I guess I did. Scared my coworkers to death, and now I can’t drive. I can’t find a therapist in my area who offers CPT therapy. It’s all CBT and that is not going to work, and I just don’t know how I can make it through the holiday shut down alone. I am just reading Pete Walker’s book Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving, in which he suggests this forum. So here I am. I am already seeing familiar themes, so I am hopeful I can at least feel connected here. I seem to be in a major regression at the 5 year mark following my 2nd divorce. My dad was the verbally abusive son of an alcoholic father and paranoid schizophrenic mother. My sisters and Mom don’t hold jobs. I have always been the strongest one, until now. I pushed too hard to get over the betrayal of my porn addicted spouse. We were friends two years before out 10 year marriage. I need to stop seeing it as black and white. It wasn’t 100% a lie. But I just can’t seem to process it. He was getting worse and I had to leave. It wasn’t safe. But being alone again is so painful to me. I need to really work on my inner critic. I am my own worst enemy, for sure. And I’ve been isolating for 5 years. Trusting again seems pointless now. I know my thinking is wrong. I’m just stuck in circles. I’m looking forward to trying something new here, trying to be hopeful.
 
Welcome to the board AutumnBreeze.

Wow.. you do sound like you are so strong. It's the strong ones that look for answers I think.

I'm glad you found this place too and I hope we can help you move forward from the place you find yourself in now.

Are you in treatment or therapy aside from your hospital stay?

Most of all, and certainly whilst you are trying to get through the holiday period. Know you are not alone. There are heaps of people here who find the holidays difficult and hopefully you will find yourself with some company. :)

In regard to overcoming isolation - take some small steps to reach out to those friends you still have some contact with. Nothing major just a little bit here and there and give yourself lots of rest time in between.

See you around here. Take care.
 
Welcome to the forums!

My second husband was a sex-addict. When I first met him, he was great in bed... But that's when it became all about sex and I lost sight of love. ( no cell phones then) I divorced him after I figured that out. I was so mad at myself for wasting 3 years of my time. What had I done? I didn't even know I was PTSD then, but I was. You are not the only one. My mom is a paranoid-schitzophrenic as well.. My half sister is messed-up and my brother is PTSD, like me.

I hope you gain a lot of insight here and comfortably get to know other people. :happy:
 
Welcome to the forums!

I had no idea you could have a seizure and stop breathing from PTSD.
Psychogenic seizures can be scary, but they are essentially a dissociative event, and while dissociation can affect a lot of things, it generally doesn't stop one's ability to breathe. Panic attacks can lead to passing out, but the passing out is actually a way to keep someone breathing more slowly and not too much. If you had a panic attack that lead to a psychogenic seizure it may have very well felt like you could not breathe and it can be a very scary experience.
I can’t find a therapist in my area who offers CPT therapy. It’s all CBT and that is not going to work, and I just don’t know how I can make it through the holiday shut down alone.
I strongly suggest giving CBT a try. CBT has been shown in studies to reduce psychogenic seizures. CPT is a good therapy that works for some, and doesn't for others, but there is no specific magic to it. It is more or less CBT re-packaged in a Socratic questioning approach. If CBT is simply out of the question, there anyone in your area that does any other therapies such as DBT, EMDR, or mindfulness-based approaches? Seeing a therapist with tools and training in trauma is really helpful, and yet studies have shown that the single most important factor in successful therapy isn't actually this or that technique, but the relationship with the therapist. While the perfect therapist or tool might not be available, finding a therapist to connect with and even walk with you as you find the tools (or even other therapists) you need to recover might help out, especially during the rough holiday season.
 
While the perfect therapist or tool might not be available, finding a therapist to connect with and even walk with you as you find the tools (or even other therapists) you need to recover might help out, especially during the rough holiday season

To be honest- the whole season sucks. When I was younger and undiagnosed, I couldn't even put up a tree. My idea of Christmas was shattered memories and being presently beaten, which took the magic out of Christmas. Since then- I do feel the saviors strength and love, every year, which is massive.
 
Thank you for your replies. There have been physical symptoms for the past 20 years, but this is the worst. I think this happened once before about 18 mos ago. I woke up in bed feeling like I was out of it and had been hit by a truck. I called an ambulance and they said it was a panic attack, but I think it was more likely a seizure. The seizure I had last month at work included over two minutes of convulsions after which I wasn’t breathing. I lost bladder control and bit the back sides of my tongue. I turned blue. My coworkers had to do CPR until the paramedics arrived. I don’t remember anything. One minute I was typing at my desk, then I woke up in the ambulance. At first they said I sort of yelped then I was staring off into space then went into convulsions when they helped me lie down on the floor and I was fighting to get up. But the neurologist says it was not an epileptic seizure. He and the cardiologist and My primary physician and the psychologist I visited believe it is stress related. But they are still running tests to rule out any heart defects or other problems. I still have to see an endocrinologist. But the therapist can’t see me until next year. The endocrinologist can’t see me until next year. I tried to find an online therapist, but the one I contacted today I sn’t taking new patients right now. The holidays are just a mountain range I’m going to have to get over. I’ve got a creative writing project lined up. Since I can’t drive, I’m getting plenty of exercise walking. There is a Dollar General a few blocks away. Lots of people I can call, but I don’t know what to say. I feel so pathetic right now. Sometimes it’s hard to laugh at the situation. I’m mostly just crying right now. I’m so frustrated.
 
Welcome to the forum, Autumn Breeze. You sound like your doing everything you can. Keep up the good work.
 
I’ve been through the whole battery of tests, including 30 day heart monitor and CT scans. They can’t find anything wrong with me except some ”mild disturbance” in my brain alpha waves and high aldosterone. They ruled out pituitary and adrenal tumors. So, it seems to be the C-PTSD. Just stressed beyond my ability to cope. It took at least two months to start feeling normal again. Doing better now. Never want to go through that again. Thank you for the support. This group does help.
 
I’ve been through the whole battery of tests, including 30 day heart monitor and CT scans. They can’t find anything wrong with me except some ”mild disturbance” in my brain alpha waves and high aldosterone. They ruled out pituitary and adrenal tumors. So, it seems to be the C-PTSD. Just stressed beyond my ability to cope. It took at least two months to start feeling normal again. Doing better now. Never want to go through that again. Thank you for the support. This group does help.

I'm so sorry you have gone through all of this. So...your EEGs were normal? I had a massive grand mal seizure like you at my first job as a result of some meds I was on and I totally get how hard it is to come back from that. I am hoping you find the support you need here. It's really been a huge help to me.
 
I will remind everyone that an EEG is not 100% accurate. I had them for years and sometimes it was normal and sometimes not. My folks were sure that I had epileptic seizures. Even when the tests showed me as normal (if I can even consider myself that ! LOL)
 
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