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I have 2 thoughts or ideas, I guess. First that the rescue “fantasy” is hardwired. It’s a survival instinct that is essential to making it through extreme abuse, both physically and emotionally. I mean the fantasy is essential. I remember giving up hope as a child. It’s dangerous and in some...

My first experience with severe ptsd as an adult was trying to save a man with CPR but failing. I have to agree that the smell sticks with you. It was the smell I couldn’t move past, it was in the air for over a year and made me distraught. I can still smell it when I think of it. As a child...

I have trouble with these types of antidotes. For the same reason I also hate the term “survivor” in place of “victim”. The negative associations with people that are harmed is what needs to be addressed. "Victim” is so negative it’s as insulting as profanity. There’s an overall societal belief...

KA60 I’ve been thinking about your wisdom the last few days and contemplating my response while breaking my back moving this week. Then this evening I was texted in passing by my cousin about my father’s poor condition in ICU…The thing is I didn’t know he was even hospitalized. My life hit...

Well put. I can’t imagine coming to any other conclusion.

I’m moving, again. I feel loss pretty much all the time. An impending doom that’s terrified of what attack is coming next. This feeling has become the standard from which I make decisions. It’s like I can’t bother imagining a life I want. From a broken vulnerable little girl that seeks shelter...

I have been raped, burglarized, assaulted and vandalized and not one of the 5 police departments I have contacted about the MANY crimes will even write out a report. My father’s estate is being embezzled by my brother, whom has POA. He has already targeted me and managed to cause the...

Denial is a beast for me. I experience it more in relationships than denying the trauma. But with the slightest vapor of kindness I bury the reality of who people really are. I try to think of it like Stockholm Syndrome because somehow that feels less self deprecating.

I'm not encouraging you to cut, but I am a cutter too. I only started after I experienced 3 unrelated sex crimes during 3 months of 2009. But, wow, does it help. It's highly misunderstood in my experience. People tend to associate it as one inch from taking your own life, but for me any way, it...

...and I just have my one cat and dog because my other cat died 2 weeks ago. They're my life. They seem to really get me! Hope you get that purr that touches everything lonely...

Usually if they have to ask they're not going to get it any way....

Good grief. That's a lot. The rib especially must be unbearable. I get notices from multiple pharmacy all the time and just ignore them, but I have no insurance. I too am a cutter, or mostly was one, but the relief is so tangible and immediate sometimes I just allow myself to, so In can stop...

a man called otto cried my heart out.

I get it. I lost about the same amount of time after several unrelated assaults in 2009. I was horrified when I realized what was going on when I went to an appointment and couldn't answer the basic questions like the date, my age.... I still have bouts of fugue and overall have a very poor...

I am so sorry. I totally get it. Why wouldn’t you feel ambivalent with all you continue to go through? I have no words of wisdom but hold you close in my heart. I’m in a similar situation, just turned 60, with Lyme/several related confections, Celiac, narcolepsy, vertigo, neuropathy, heart...

huh?

chocolate

OUT

lion

ouch

EAR

hugger

It was like people expected me to shake it off after a month when in reality the trauma took about a year to really hit after the assaults. I would’ve loved someone to just hang out with me, tell me and mean that they weren’t going anywhere. With just a quick internet search they would’ve become...

Although I’ve been a member for years, I rarely post. This is mostly because of a constant influx of victimizing incidents, in one form or another, since the 3 unrelated, sexually based crimes I experienced in 2009.These 2009 crimes kicked off severe ptsd, but by now are just some in a pile that...

My shrink is very involved so it's been a couple of days and I have talked to him and my T several times. I fixed the window and have secured all the entry points. Luckily I should be moving in 3 weeks.