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I am so sorry you went through that. It's so confusing when things happen to us as a child. It changes our perceptions on so many things.

Sometimes pushing through is what needs to be done. I wonder if you can reframe feeling stupid slightly. I'm not suggesting you make the feeling go away, as I doubt that will work. Like, instead of thinking about how you feel stupid, think about as feeling young or scared or that it's an...

I still don't know how I am alive today. I spent so much time wanting to be dead. I was self-destructive, took risks and and engaged in suicidal behaviors. I'm still here. That's not the peace that amazes me though. I have a life I enjoy living now. It's vastly different than I ever imagined. I...

And I am sorry you experience what you did @Movingforward10. That sounds awful.

Thanks for the replies. I am pondering the "Does it matter" piece if my question. And in some ways it doesn't maybe, but knowing can be potentially useful in easing the situation? Hmm... I have this mental timer on this sort of thing. So, it's supposed to bother me for a certain length of...

Since this has come up for me more than once, I figured I'd make a post of it. I have troubles sorting out low mood from tiredness. I'm also not sure if it matters? Wondering if others have similar experiences, thoughts or opinions.

Oof, I am off to work in a few minutes so don't have time to reply. I want to come back to this. Until I have time, I will say it's something I find hard to talk about. For one thing, I feel people don't understand and get anxious talking about it here. The experiences I had weren't rape. I get...

Hi and welcome to the forum. It's hard when we have a history of abuse and bad relationships. It can make our recognition of what is healthy be very distorted. I'm sorry you are going through that.

That guy is a pedophile. Likely, so are the people you are sending nudes too. They don't like you, they are using. They can't give you the validation you need. I get it though. Doing things like that can feel compulsive. It can be such a vicious cycle. You don't feel good about yourself so you...

I get this. I have felt that way. I sometimes just need to retreat and let my feelings settle down and then I can move on. If that's what you want, you may have to enforce that. People don't always understand needing space and they don't always understand that taking space isn't punitive. Ok...

I was very similar too. Don't worry too much about labels or meeting other people's expectations. Try to focus on health and living a good life in whatever form that takes. Also, like Whitehaven, I didn't have intimate relationships until my 40s. And unexpectedly a couple years ago, I found a...

So... I'm not sure I can reply to this in an organized way right now. I think for me, right now, the useful way to think about this is there are things I experience that were like torture. The thing you posted about Sadistic Personality Disorder fits my dad so well it's unsettling. And what...

Thank you all Sigh. She replied to my email and said that family came to town and things got crazy. I guess her schedule was light and she only had myself and 1 other appointment and since it was just those two, she forgot about them? I get the perspective and normally I would agree. I think...

Hi, I am sorry that you are struggling so much. Another thing you can try, depending on where you are, is your local foodbank. They can often connect you with all sorts of services. It's possible to volunteer there and use the food bank (I've done that). And just that can build connections...

I am having a rough day. Will come back and reply more when I have some mental energy. I did send my therapist the email below. I'm kind of stunned. Hi, I am sorry I haven't answered your text about my next appointment. I've been very busy and also thinking. I've been pondering off and on...

Hehe, thank you @Friday and @Freida that was a good reminder. I think I needed that. @kar I am sorry that was your experience. That is hard That's a fair point. It's not so much the money though. I have flex spending I need to use up. It's the time and energy that has been making me not want...

Some background first. I had a therapist that was really great for a lot of years. Then she had all sorts of personal crisis, covid happened and I had changed a lot. She got unreliable in some ways and we had communication issues and it was time to move on. I found a therapist who was ok-ish...

I want to back up and say "degradation" is too strong a word. Ok, some of it was. A lot of it was just being sexualized. That's different than degradation maybe? The degradation... I guess, that's easier to judge. I watched it happen to my mom too. How he loved to humiliate her. How she hated...

This thread again, except this time I'm posting here. I'm fairly sure that what I went through doesn't (mostly doesn't?) qualify as torture. And technically, if you are talking about pain inflicted on someone who can't escape, isn't all child abuse torture? I say, I don't belong here and for...

Sure, it could be a reaction to the med and she didn't realize how badly it was effecting her. She may not have realized it was effecting her so much, although I find it concerning she still didn't realize after the fact. Talking to her about this is going to be important and it could be super...

I would definitely look into trans support groups. When I transitioned (ftm) it helped me a lot. I am glad your inner circle has been supportive. It's hard and some people never get it, but it's a relief to be your true self. Hang in there.

Hmm... my first reaction to this post was "ugh", which is on me. I think I've had to be brave too much in my life. It's also one of those things that supporters say a lot, which can be discounting. I know that's not your point though. If I reframe it as what challenge have I faced that I am...

You've gotten a lot of answers, and some are probably not going to be helpful to you. So, how are you doing all this? For me, I'm not going to weigh in on whether it was sexual abuse. I used to ask those questions all the time. Really, what I was trying to do was justify my reaction to...

Welcome to the forum. It's a good place. Sorry that events brought you here.

Hi, I relate to this very much. I've come a long ways in healing but my relationship with my family is something I still struggle with at times. I will say it's to a much, much smaller degree. I have my own life, job, support system and hobbies. It's confusing when your family can be helpful in...