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I encountered a dramatic shift in all of my cognitive abilities a year and a half ago. Horrible short-term memory, focus shot even with Ritalin. Cognitive testing showed no brain irregularities, so I'm blaming my severe CPTSD for now.

I've always been drawn to characters in movies or on tv who are extremely able to kill someone (think soldier, police, etc.), but is extremely controlled in deciding when he would use that ability. A very strong male who who can be equally gentle. The two extremes are so sexy to me. In real...

These are some tools I've learned to use to cope with a traumatized life. I hope there's something here that will help even just a little. Breathe. Right now, I mean it. Deep breaths with the intent to relax can truly help. Repeat as often as necessary. And do other things to help stay calm...

Welcome! I'm glad you have joined us!

Oh, I so very much relate! Here's hoping we both find our ways out of isolation.

I'm struggling with finding help with my pain and this whole experience, but I found a piece that helps me. It might be worth looking closely at what pain means to you. I realized that early traumas made me associate physical pain with a threat against my life. So feeling physical pain makes...

I think "Unstoppable" with yummy Denzel is exciting and well done. It's a runaway train movie (pretty formulaic), but it always is a good distraction.

Hello and a gentle welcome to your new part. I haven't experienced this shyness before, but it makes me think of when I bring home a new cat to foster. They usually have been traumatized and basically hide under the bed. I like to sit on the floor away from the bed and just spend a few minutes...

Could this be a component (dissociative amnesia) why I keep getting involved with toxic people? If I sense they're toxic, I black out / forget and don't see it? I had numerous abusers from birth to 12 years old, but 40 years later, I still get fooled by unhealthy individuals. I do realize that...

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Welcome! I hope you find good connections and comfort here! I can't say that I share the depth of your feelings, but mine are enough to incapacitate me. You are among friends here. Reading others' posts can reduce the sense of isolation if responses aren't forthcoming, (Clearly, I don't...

I will sometimes hold, cuddle a pillow or stuffed animal as if it were that child. I'll ask her if she wants to tell me anything or send me some images (that's if I'm feeling pretty grounded.) But using the 5 senses is good: stomping my feet (while thinking or saying "No") swaddling in a blanket

I appreciate that I'm growing- I'm taking more risks regarding people. I had basically stopped trying to make or have friends about 5-7 years ago. There's one brother I talk to 2-3 times a year. otherwise, it's just me and my T and 2 neighbors I encounter every so often. I really cut people out...

Just the word "diary" is intimidating to me: expressing my thoughts and feelings, and in a public place, to boot! After a lifetime of being judged by myself and others...... In 2 and a half hours it will be 2022. I'm horribly lonely and bored, as usual, at the holidays, but what I am not...

I sing to the soundtrack of "Les Miserables" to get jump-started.

In my opinion: guilt is about something I did while shame is about who I am. Toxic shame might be when others try to make you feel ashamed. Whether or not the feelings are accurate is a whole other thing.

Wow! Maybe this is what my "zoning out" is all about! My inability to get even basic tasks done, even getting some water to drink when thirsty. I just can't comprehend why I can't do it. (I will when I use the bathroom, but I'll even hold off on that). My mind works, but I can't persuade my body...

There can be so many layers to pain. One layer at a time, one step at a time. And don't be frightened by that. You truly are much, much stronger than you know.

I have found therapy to be about layers. And processing things with our head is quite different from processing things with our heart. I can know something/ understand it intellectually, but not understand it in my heart if I haven't felt it yet. When I get to my deepest emotional pain then I...

Good job gaining sobriety! The hoiday season is also hard for me. My worst abuses happened at Christmas when we went to grandma's house. I can feel triggered anytime from mid- October thru mid- January. Hope we can both find comfort here.

I am so very sorry. I was an unwanted child, and I have found some healing when I could realize that it wasn't ME they didn't want, it was the child they had that they didn't want. I repeat- the child they had, not you. It wasn't the glorious being that was/ is you that they rejected, They could...

Oh, boy... here goes: This is a true story, one which causes me Extreme shame because it is So hard to not think there is something wrong with me. I turn 60 tomorrow, and I am a virgin. Not because of religious beliefs, but because of the extreme nature of the abuses in my early life. Not only...

I think resilience requires hope and self-worth.