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I've been suffering with suicidal ideation for over a decade... Been close to doing it a number of times. Problem is, despite being on medication (Olanzapine) things have kinda got worse - I think about it day and night. I keep talking myself out of it, but I feel stuck in this circle of hell...

Hi guys, I'm okay... Sorry for the post. Had a weird few weeks - going through a "dark night of the soul" moment. I'm staying away from Beachy Head. Still on the downs - but somewhere safer. Just sleeping, listening to wind, trying to silence my thoughts. Thanks for the kind words...

I spend my weekends at Beachy Head waiting for the anger to spiral out of control, to give myself the courage to jump. I've lost all hope.

I have a 4 year old daughter. The light of my life... She gives me purpose and a reason to live. Don't see her as much as I'd like to - wish I could be with her more often.

Yeah, please take care Smile. Wish I could be of more help. Being in the UK, I'm not sure what services are available to you. I'm sending my love from the UK and wishing 2016 will be a better year for you.

Hi Smile, Hope you're okay. I've recently separated from my wife so needed to move out of the family home. I was living out of my car last summer. It became too cramped (It affected my health - I actually got a DVT) so I traded the car in for a small second hand campervan (VW California). I...

Sorry for what you're going through Junebug. How are you doing? I guess we all have some idea of what you're going through... We wouldn't be here otherwise. Although, ultimately only you really know your pain. It's difficult, and everything feels complex. And it's that complexity - the...

Cohesive

“Music has charms to soothe a savage breast.” - William Congreve I’m trawling for various forms of therapy and was intrigued to learn that learning guitar can alleviate the symptoms of PTSD. I pretty much need to listen to music to release my anxiety and anger, and I’ve always wanted to learn...

Thanks for the link Shimmerz. Pretty Hurts, oh yeah. I wouldn’t take the meds any other time. I know someone said that you get used to them over time, but is it normal to spend the day completely dissociated whilst on them? I almost spend the whole day in a trance. The day just shoots by.

No, you’re just being honest, which I respect. Actually, it’s the trait that I respect the most. That’s my main concern - how my behaviour is affecting those close to me. I don’t want to spread this like a virus. I want to give my daughter the best start in life. The last thing I want to do is...

Wow! So PTSD can be associated with these physical symptoms. It kind of makes sense… I’m really sorry to hear what you’re going through. This truly sucks! Nietzsche said that, "what does not destroy you, makes you stronger”. It’s the same as the Chinese word for “adversity” having the same...

About a month after displaying my first PTSD symptoms (about ten years ago) I started suffering from gastric problems. I had a cast iron stomach before that. Anyway, the gastric problems gradually got worse - I lost loads of weight and started passing blood. It turned out I had Ulcerative...

Therapy

Nice one. Thank you FridayJones.

Oh, by the way, my psych told me that as soon as I get my meds sorted then I would be getting theraphy as well. So it is provided on the NHS. Obviously, I'm not in theraphy yet, so I'll keep you upated as to how it pans out.

Sorry to hear you're going through this Sarah. I've only recently been diagnosed, so haven't been offered any therapy or anything. Only meds. But if I find any relevant information I'll let you know. The kind folks on this website will help us through this.

Damn... Looking at the price list for angermanage... They're expensive £620 for a two day intensive. How can they justify that?

Thank you Gadgie... Been looking at angermanage<dot>co<dot>uk. They have an intensive course in my home town next month. Maybe there's something local to you Gadgie? I'm unable to post the link directly... I'm a newbie, therefore my post count doesn't allow me to do this.

Oh, yeah. About the meds… I haven’t been sleeping much. My psych did warn me about the side affects and to prepare myself for them. I just didn’t expect them to do what they did. Actually I didn’t really know what I was expecting - didn’t expect to feel so zoned-out. I’ll keep at them. Actually...

Jeez, Lizio, you certainly now how to put things in context. Sorry to hear about your ex (sorry to hear about his sister). That’s, well, sick… That’s what I hate about this thing. I get mad and its all me, me, me… Turns me into an arsehole. I’m at it again. Me, me, me… I actually, don't think...

Thank you all. That makes sense. I guess I’ve been a potential walking disaster for a while. Yes, I agree, I am responsible for my actions. I shouted at my wife, called her names and I hate what I did. It’s the worst thing I’ve ever done. I’m really sorry for what I did. It’s completely out of...

Yes, I’ve discussed everything. He's covered all the traumatic events and is even looking into the possibility that I received some kind of head trauma when I got beat up. But he’s also acknowledged that the affair is my main trigger. That it’s some kind of compulsive trigger that I can’t seem...

I’ve recently been diagnosed with PTSD. My psych said that it’s possible that my wife’s cheating / betrayal caused the trauma. Does that make any sense? * I worked for the MOD and Home Office as a civilian telecoms engineer for a number of years. Deployed to Northern Ireland, Nigeria, Croatia...

Thanks Stickler. Good advice. Yeah, I’m distraught that things escalated to that point. I’m deeply ashamed of myself and it’s completely out of character. We had an argument, and things blew out of proportion. I was in a fit of pure rage - punched a hole in a wall, threw things, threatened...