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Orgasm was frequently used by my abusers as a control mechanism. My first remembered orgasm was at age 3. I feel this makes the shame of the abuse even more difficult took deal with, not to mention future sexual issues.

I'm so proud of you! I'm supposed to mail some letters too and can't bring myself to do it! I think writing it down helps. I'm sure this will allow for even more progress to be made with your pdoc. :)

That's is a super crummy spot to be in, PTSD flare ups are crippling! Remember to be patient with yourself and lots of self care. It will pass, hugs and prayers if you accept :)♡

I need a reprieve. I stretched myself too thin, gave too much and now I'm fragile and worn down! Self care night!

My therapist jumps with my brain too,whatever bubbles up we follow. I think the important thing is your able to trust your therapist and you do what works for you!

I had to get really good at self care and frequent safety check ins with friends. I only did it every other week and that worked well for me. Emdr is not for the faint of heart and many aspects don't get easier, but if you are open and willing to do the work I've found it makes ptsd more...

Unfortunately it's very common for me to react during emdr and up to 48 hours later. Many times I have been on the verge of vomiting and I frequently disassociate. I've had a total of about 15 sessions and I've learned to accept my body's reactions because that's part of reprocessing. Our...

Yes, start with the simple emotions and then give yourself the appropriate self care for what you are feeling. You're on the right track for sure!

Welcome! Lots of us have been in your shoes and can identity with your struggles, it's a great place to be heard and to share what you know. :)

Yes! Child pictures of emotions and list "symptoms" of the emotion. How do you explain anger to a five year old? Scowl, grumpy answers, loud voice, tight muscles, wanting to hit, ect. Sad, tears, lowered eyes, quiet voice, want to curl up in a ball, want to be held, ect. I had to start with...

This! I've been waiting for evidence based answers to show emdr like therapies, mindfulness practices can actually improve ptsd in a way that is objective! I want to show this article to everyone! Can't wait for more research. :)

So much practice! I had to start like a child learning to identify basic feelings with "I feel statements" Like "I feel angry" or "I feel sad". Very basic and very hard. Then when I started feeling more than one emotion at a time that was another hurdle. Then I had to learn to not fight or...

Part of their emdr training is laying ground work, trust and good communication. It was a couple sessions before we did tapping then a couple more before we got out the light bar. Some sessions I need way more emdr light bar then others. Usually the worse off I am, the more light bar. But I...

Once I started feeling it was terrifying and overwhelming. I was so uncomfortable and had the emotional lability of a PMSing 13 year old girl. It's taken a year of a lot of work but now I can acknowledge my emotions, feel them, and let them pass. I'm no longer worried about drowning in my...

Standard emdr with those who are actually trained do a lot of grounding and always return to safe place. The moments of intensity don't last the whole hour. It's like we reach a point in the talking where I'm physically reacting or there's a super strong emotion. Yes, I want to stop but...

I'm so glad you're feeling better and while those huge shifts are super uncomfortable they are incredibly powerful! While reading your post I thought "she's finally entered the grief cycle". You're starting to feel those actual emotions. Anger, grief, depression, and so on. Congrats on...

I'm angry my in laws show up at my house for the weekend and expect me to feed them, provide an Easter egg hunt and egg dying.........and eventually I give in and do it anyways. Angry at them and myself

I'm cutting ties as well and was surprised when I was suddenly slammed with flashbacks as soon as I finally felt safe. It was like my brain was waiting until it was safe to release them. You will get to the other side!

Thank you. I ended up at a friend's house and told her I needed help and wasnt safe alone and she very sweetly cared for me today. Ironically I want a mom, but if I had a real mom I wouldn't be this messed up. .... sad but very true. One day at a time!

It's nice to finally meet you! I'm raising three kids with a loving husband and ptsd, it's rough. I applaud you for giving your daughter such a life, you should be a very proud mama!

I need a mother. Today I need someone to take care of me because I can't.

Due to years of abuse and or neglect from almost every adult as a child I also have an attachment disorder. I fear attachments and desperately cling to those I do trust. I struggle with the same need for assurance that I am loved and do miss the extra love and affection given when I am...

I'm just coming out of a bad ptsd spell and I said almost those same words to my husband and my best friend. I was lost in my ptsd and those two took the brunt of my crazy. Had a hard and honest conversation with my bestie today about it all and I truly didn't understand how hard it is to love...

I'm a big believer in doing what is working, stay where you are comfortable doing the work, where you can be honest. If it's a medication issue that may complicate things but a general practitioner can prescribe also. I've stayed with the wrong therapist before and my progress was minimal.

I think you've found a great place and I commend you for returning to treatment. I deal in deep levels of shame also and constantly fear abandonment real or perceived. Your self awareness is great and hopefully will allow lots of growth in therapy. :)