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  1. Theasylumsystem

    Who am I? Am I truly alone in this life?

    I haven't felt great since my T told me that we don't have DID. She instead diagnosed me with BPD. My Bio mom (Abuser) has the same disorder. She told me I wasn't like her in our last session, but I don't believe it. She also said that my system is probably a part of my schizoaffective disorder...
  2. Theasylumsystem

    Turns out I'm just crazy

    Had an appointment with my T yesterday. She said that I was misdiagnosed with DID. So it turns out I'm just f*cking nuts and she mentioned that I probably have the same disorder as my bio mom. I don't want to be here anymore. It doesn't matter if I'm alive or dead anymore. The world will still...
  3. Theasylumsystem

    dammit it hurts

    I know I'm just having a bad day. I know that but god all I do today is think about hurting myself. That everyone is better off without me around. I don't want to tell anyone. I don't want them to look at me like that. Like they're hurt and betrayed. I don't want to be even more of a burden...
  4. Theasylumsystem

    Empty

    I feel.. alone. I spent so much of my day just surviving from panic attack to panic attack. It feels so hollow. It feels so unending. This constant cycle. One good day to a week of awful days and back again. I don't sleep at night much anymore. I have too many things that hurt me all the time. I...
  5. Theasylumsystem

    Hey there, friends - Struggling with depression, anxiety, & isolation.

    Hey everyone. I hope you're doing okay. A lot has been going on and I feel really alone I guess... I haven't posted on here in a while. I feel like I'm treading water. I'm always just a moment away from slipping back under. My depression is okay when I'm with my family during the day, But at...
  6. Theasylumsystem

    cycling again

    So f*cking tired of feeling like shit. I have a good week or month followed by weeks of self-hatred and thoughts that I'd be better off dead. I feel like I'm getting triggered by everything. My service dog just split his nails today and I want to scream about it. He's going to be on bed rest for...
  7. Theasylumsystem

    self-destruction

    Yeah, I'm just disappointed to be so disabled. It's frustrating not remembering to do basic things like bathing and eating. I feel like an intelligent person but I'm trapped in this body and mind that's broken.
  8. Theasylumsystem

    self-destruction

    Yeah I'm between therapists at the moment and I think that it's a major reason I'm having such a rough time right now
  9. Theasylumsystem

    self-destruction

    Thank you <3 I appreciate it. I'm here with you too.
  10. Theasylumsystem

    self-destruction

    today sucks. I relapsed with my self-harm and I don't even know why I did it. Today wasn't particularly bad, yet here I am. I'm so f*cking angry at myself and everyone else. I feel it in my bones and it won't f*cking stop. I'm so angry and depressed. Is this life worth living? I don't know. I...
  11. Theasylumsystem

    anxiety about party

    i ended up staying for three hours. my anxiety had built this party up to be some huge monster and it went fine. It was sensory f*cking overload but my dog did f*cking amazing. I'm so incredibly proud of him and how far he's come in his training. thank you for letting me vent when i was panicking
  12. Theasylumsystem

    anxiety about party

    can I ask what you mean?
  13. Theasylumsystem

    anxiety about party

    tonight ( in like an hour) me and my service dog have to go to a party. This is our first outing together in over a year. we only really know two people who are going and my heart feelings like it's gonna beat out of my chest. I'm so worried that my dog isn't ready and that he's still too...
  14. Theasylumsystem

    Positivity about service dog

    I feel like I don't post anything positive on this website so I wanted to share something good with you all <3 My service dog has shown a lot of progress with his reactivity over the past few weeks. This is because both of us have been getting out more and experiencing life again. He truly...
  15. Theasylumsystem

    Full of rage

    My teeth hurt. I keep clenching my jaw. Tonight I don't think sleep is coming. I'm too f*cking angry and filled with hate. My entire body wants to revolt. There's this great big ball of sadness too. Like my chest weighs a thousand pounds and my bones ache. I want to crawl out of my skin. I can't...
  16. Theasylumsystem

    old friends, isolation

    agoraphobia f*cking sucks haven't left my apartment in two months again. I got a notification from an old friend and I'm trying not to spiral. It's brought up a lot of negative memories and I'm trying to just shut it out so they don't become f*cking flashbacks. I just I'm really exhausted...
  17. Theasylumsystem

    Life after hospitalization

    Thank you I'm trying to be okay with just knowing that I'm further along on my journey than I think but it's just the feeling that I haven't made any progress is so frustrating and difficult to deal with. I'm lucky enough that I have some ideas for people to take him and some more resources...
  18. Theasylumsystem

    Life after hospitalization

    It's been a month since I was in the hospital I've had to face some tough truths about everything I'm going through and everything I've been through I am still so anxious around people. I'm not magically fixed. My memory is still shit. I just... I wish I was free from all of this. I'm so...
  19. Theasylumsystem

    First hospitalization

    thank you so much I'll try my best thank you very much I needed this support a lot I'm going through something very similar
  20. Theasylumsystem

    First hospitalization

    I'm pretty sure tomorrow I'm going into inpatient for the first time. I've never been so f*cking terrified and empty and it all feels worthless. How do I do this? I'm so f*ckign scared. I wish I didn't have to go but It's all been set up for me already and I can't do anything to put this out of...
  21. Theasylumsystem

    Can't function

    Update: Talked to some people close to me and they all agree it's best if I take a break from school for now if not permanently and that I need to get on disability because of how unstable and unpredictable my diagnoses are that maintaining a job will be all but impossible and will only make...
  22. Theasylumsystem

    medical marijuana?

    its definitely helped me id recommend it
  23. Theasylumsystem

    Can't function

    Just society I guess? I can't shake this feeling that I'm a failure. I'm trying so f*cking hard but it doesn't seem like it matters. I'm trying to just be proud of myself for even being here but I can't go to class anymore. I can't do my work-study job anymore. I don't even feel good going to...
  24. Theasylumsystem

    Can't function

    I can't function lately. I'm missing weeks going on months of my life. I don't know who I am anymore or where or what I'm doing 99% of the time. I'm missing so f*cking much but no I'm supposed to be normal. I'm supposed to go to class and work and be f*cking fine. and I'm not. and I don't think...
  25. Theasylumsystem

    Getting punished for someone else's actions

    it's a bit of both. this person told me they want nothing to do with me anymore and that i let our relationship be one-sided which i don't f*cking understand but it all f*cking started because they got in a fight with another friend of ours so now I'm done with people. I'm done with it all.
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