Other Trying not to be triggered

[Theasylumsystem]

I have a problem with my downstairs neighbor now. I don't know how long she has been living under me, but she has come up to my apartment twice in the past week to yell at me about "being too loud" when I'm literally not even there at night. I work nights, and I'm asleep during the day. I can't stand being yelled at. I don't shut down anymore, but it triggers the hell out of me and makes me mad. Especially when I haven't done anything wrong. She threatened to call the cops on me tonight, too (which has been threatened by my bio family a lot before), so that also triggered me. I'm not too upset, but I just don't feel like my landlord believes me when I say I'm not doing anything wrong. She is an older lady who I think is a little confused (she kept mentioning I needed to "turn off my cameras"?) So I'm trying not to be angry at her, but it's seriously annoying at the very least.

 

[Movingforward10]

Gosh that is triggering. I think that would be triggering for most people? I would be triggered about being accused of something I'm not doing, being shouted at, not knowing what is going to happen next. All of it.

Have you been able to tell your landlord you are worried about her paranoia and she might need some help?
It doesn't sound like a frank conversation with her to try and clear the air is something that is possible if she thinks delusional things.
Is phoning the welfare to check on her something you think will help you?

Otherwise, can you avoid her?

How do we try and not be triggered? Some people use exposure therapy so I don't know if trying to turn this in to that is anything possible? (I'm just throwing stuff out so obviously ignore if this is total nonsense).

 

[Theasylumsystem]

Gosh that is triggering. I think that would be triggering for most people? I would be triggered about being accused of something I'm not doing, being shouted at, not knowing what is going to happen next. All of it.

Have you been able to tell your landlord you are worried about her paranoia and she might need some help?
It doesn't sound like a frank conversation with her to try and clear the air is something that is possible if she thinks delusional things.
Is phoning the welfare to check on her something you think will help you?

Otherwise, can you avoid her?

How do we try and not be triggered? Some people use exposure therapy so I don't know if trying to turn this in to that is anything possible? (I'm just throwing stuff out so obviously ignore if this is total nonsense).

Thank you for validating me. I was worried that I was being unreasonable. I wrote them an email so hopefully they'll understand. I'm gonna post what I wrote in the email. Can you tell me if I was being rude or anything? I honestly have interacted with this woman twice (the first time she tried to cry to me about it and obviously when that didn't work she decides to yell at me) and the behavior is already escalating.

Here's the email I wrote to my landlord: "Hello! I hate to write again, but there was another incident tonight at 7:30 pm (As far as I'm aware, the quiet time is at 10 pm, and I wasn't being loud). I was getting ready to leave for work (which I do by 7:40 pm Thursday-Monday.) She came back to my door tonight, yelling at me to "stop my shit" or she was going to call the police. She also claimed that I don't leave at night (which I do; the cameras and my SUV being out of the parking lot can prove that). She seemed confused to me, too, because she kept saying something about "turning off my cameras"(?), which I didn't understand. I don't deserve to be yelled at for nothing. I haven't done anything wrong. I am overweight, so I'm sorry if my footsteps are heavier than the average person's. That's literally all I was doing. "

 

[Movingforward10]

Not rude in the slightest. If anything you are apologising for getting ready to go for work. A very very normal thing to do. Nothing for you to apologise for.

It's a very considerate email.

What would you like your landlord to do? If your landlord replies with something that doesn't help you, or it happens again, do you want to explicitly ask for what the resolution could be?

 

[Theasylumsystem]

Not rude in the slightest. If anything you are apologising for getting ready to go for work. A very very normal thing to do. Nothing for you to apologise for.

It's a very considerate email.

What would you like your landlord to do? If your landlord replies with something that doesn't help you, or it happens again, do you want to explicitly ask for what the resolution could be?

I just want them to believe me, first and foremost. I talked to my aunt when we did a shift change at my work, and she told me to record coming home and leaving from now on until it's resolved. If the lady is truly hearing things at night, then I would hope they get her some help. I struggle with hallucinations too, so I know it's scary sometimes. But I also shouldn't have to feel anxious coming back to my own apartment or moving around. I have the next two days off, and I'm having my best friend over for the first time in months, and I'm anxious that she's gonna do it again. I've lived here for three years, and I've never once had a noise complaint before this. I don't really know what the solution is, but I will be recording her the next time she knocks on my door. I'm really hoping that police won't have to be involved, but if that's necessary, then I'll deal with it.

 

[Movingforward10]

I was thinking about saying start recording or writing down when she comes over. But I wondered if that would be too stressful. I know I would find that overwhelming but it might be a wise thing to do.

Do you need to answer the door?
You definitely don't deserve or need to be shouted at. Whilst she seems to be suffering, you aren't the cause and you don't need to suffer because she is.

I'm sorry. It is a very difficult predicament you are in.

I hope the landlord responds well. And I hope he believes you too, there seems to be no reason not to?

 

[Theasylumsystem]

I just want them to believe me, first and foremost. I talked to my aunt when we did a shift change at my work, and she told me to record coming home and leaving from now on until it's resolved. If the lady is truly hearing things at night, then I would hope they get her some help. I struggle with hallucinations too, so I know it's scary sometimes. But I also shouldn't have to feel anxious coming back to my own apartment or moving around. I have the next two days off, and I'm having my best friend over for the first time in months, and I'm anxious that she's gonna do it again. I've lived here for three years, and I've never once had a noise complaint before this. I don't really know what the solution is, but I will be recording her the next time she knocks on my door. I'm really hoping that police won't have to be involved, but if that's necessary, then I'll deal with it.

Literally just had a panic attack because my dad knocked on the door to get the car keys, and I thought it was her again. It's times like these when I really love my service dog.

 

[Theasylumsystem]

I was thinking about saying start recording or writing down when she comes over. But I wondered if that would be too stressful. I know I would find that overwhelming but it might be a wise thing to do.

Do you need to answer the door?
You definitely don't deserve or need to be shouted at. Whilst she seems to be suffering, you aren't the cause and you don't need to suffer because she is.

I'm sorry. It is a very difficult predicament you are in.

I hope the landlord responds well. And I hope he believes you too, there seems to be no reason not to?

Thanks I really appreciate having someone to talk to about this. I'm just really not good at confrontation lol

 

[Movingforward10]

Yeah , confrontation is hugely challenging for all sorts of reasons.

 

[PamelaS]

I agree with recording when anything happens along with what you were doing at the time you are being accused. Records like that are valuable especially if the police become involved. Also save all communication with your landlord. This may be difficult and triggering, but it is also being an advocate for yourself. I would also consider contacting an agency or hotline to share your concerns where there would be evidence that you are trying to be proactive in dealing with the situation. I completely understand that all of this may be difficult for you, but it is also beneficial for your own mental health and safety. If the neighbor is elderly, a call to Office of Aging or someone like that might be beneficial in getting the proper authorities involved in helping your neighbor. Keep us updated so that we can continue to be here to support you. Wishing you a peaceful resolution in the end. It may take some time and effort, but it’s best to take steps to protect yourself and advocate for yourself. It will empower you to not just be a victim, but to bring about a good resolution for all of you.

 

[whiteraven]

I was worried that I was being unreasonable.

You are not being at all unreasonable. I have a neighbor like yours who complains about others "slamming the doors" (they don't) and every other little noise you can think of. She texts me constantly, and I've asked her not to just show up at my door and she does anyway.

My neighbor definitely has some issues, and I think she is early-stage dementia (she also drinks a lot). I actually want to move because of her. But in the meantime, I've been in touch with her brother, who validated my experiences and feelings, and he told me to let him know if she gets out of hand. Do you ever see her family?

I agree with recording when anything happens along with what you were doing at the time you are being accused.

This is a great idea! Keep detailed documentation--video/audio and notes with times, what she does, and what you are doing at the time. It could escalate to the point where the police need to be involved, and you'll get a lot farther with documentation.

I'm sorry you are dealing with this!

 

[Theasylumsystem]

She hasn't come back to my door, and my landlords said they would address the issue, so hopefully it's resolved!