34 Year Old Who Had To Retire From Police Force Because Of PTSD

[abdicater]

It Sounds Crazy

I know everyone post their stories but I will shortly describe mine and hopefully get some feedback to anyone who is interested to hear. I am a 34 year old retired police officer, yes retired. I had a great career, was advancing, cutting edge in my field, presenting ideas to so many enitites. It was all taken away one night when a man who had two knives in his hands said he was going toand wouldn't stop, telling me to prepare to die. He just wouldnt stop. I shot him, one round to the chest. I tried to help him, but he died a short time later.

I tried going back, but I became so aggressive. The nightmares were unbearable. I gained 50 lbs!!! Someone who played a college sport and a workout freak. I see him everyday, I smell the air that night, I hear the noises that night. It is so hard...I have been seeing a psychologist for two years. It really sucks. Tonight, I was given a medal of bravery. For what? Defending myself...what for....sometimes I think it would have been easier to let him to do what he was going to do....it's just so hard...bobby

Some times it helps me to think of my self as a none living thing.

 

[t.ramsey]

Hi Bobby,
When I first read your story, I thought you were writing it about me. I'm a 35 year old deputy. The difference is mine had a gun, not knives. He refused to drop it and pointed it at two city officers and I. Again, one round to the chest ended the threat. I was good with it but struggled some when I found out the gun wasn't even loaded. I too felt somewhat aggressive when I started back. It's getting better but I know it's just gonna take time.

The biggest thing you should try to remember is "it was not your fault". He could have dropped the knives, he could have given up, or he could have not done it in the first place. He had options, you didn't. You were there to protect the public from a dangerous person armed with two deadly weapons. He left you no choice but to respond with deadly force. You did exactly what you were trained to do. One life was lost that day, but many others were saved as a result of your actions.

I know it's hard, but try to rejoice in the lives that you saved.



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