Hi Everyone,
I'm honoured to have found myself around fellow sufferers. I have struggled with reaching out for help because I could not be comfortable with the victim role. It has not been an easy journey to seek or accept help.
I grew up with a father who was very angry and took it out on his children. Other members of the family were beaten but I was not, I watched and I'm not proud to say that there were times when I wanted them to just stop misbehaving. I thought they were responsible for what they got.
In life when something terrible has happened to me I've been quite passive in my response and people would be frustrated with me. I really didn't know of any other way of being and I prided myself on not getting angry - I've since had anger managment and realize that I was suppressing my anger.
I went to university as a mature student and and intellectual bully didn't like what I was saying and he made life difficult for me. He pushed and pushed and pushed until I quit school. I got in trouble when I took a book into an exam that was prohibited. I had a hard time accepting that I could make a mistake so I was more focused on hating myself then on worrying about him. He didn't extend his help and instead used his power to force me to quit. I've been disappointed about quitting but it was a good move for me - in one sense it was the only time that I stood up for me. Who woudl think that quitting would be empowering.
I was married to a man for 12 years who was emotionally abusive. It was a very difficult marriage and me being me kept trying because I thought that if I were better wife he'd love me. When I think back on it now. I'm an intelligent woman and I should have left long before I did.
Well that's enough blaming me. I've pushed people away from me. I've distanced myself from lots of overbearing rescuers. It's lonesome in my world now, safe but lonesome. Recently I've brought a discrimination case against that professor. I want to do it. It's a good move for me. But it brings up all these emotions.
Anyway, thanks for being here.
I'm honoured to have found myself around fellow sufferers. I have struggled with reaching out for help because I could not be comfortable with the victim role. It has not been an easy journey to seek or accept help.
I grew up with a father who was very angry and took it out on his children. Other members of the family were beaten but I was not, I watched and I'm not proud to say that there were times when I wanted them to just stop misbehaving. I thought they were responsible for what they got.
In life when something terrible has happened to me I've been quite passive in my response and people would be frustrated with me. I really didn't know of any other way of being and I prided myself on not getting angry - I've since had anger managment and realize that I was suppressing my anger.
I went to university as a mature student and and intellectual bully didn't like what I was saying and he made life difficult for me. He pushed and pushed and pushed until I quit school. I got in trouble when I took a book into an exam that was prohibited. I had a hard time accepting that I could make a mistake so I was more focused on hating myself then on worrying about him. He didn't extend his help and instead used his power to force me to quit. I've been disappointed about quitting but it was a good move for me - in one sense it was the only time that I stood up for me. Who woudl think that quitting would be empowering.
I was married to a man for 12 years who was emotionally abusive. It was a very difficult marriage and me being me kept trying because I thought that if I were better wife he'd love me. When I think back on it now. I'm an intelligent woman and I should have left long before I did.
Well that's enough blaming me. I've pushed people away from me. I've distanced myself from lots of overbearing rescuers. It's lonesome in my world now, safe but lonesome. Recently I've brought a discrimination case against that professor. I want to do it. It's a good move for me. But it brings up all these emotions.
Anyway, thanks for being here.
