Okay, so it's official now. I'm no longer a virgin. :oops:
Trouble is, my first time was with a guy who has a girlfriend. He insists to me that it's a casual and open relationship. Though intuitively it would make more sense to call it an open rather than casual relationship. The thing is he tells me it's an open relationship, but then he also tells me that he and his girlfriend live together, he helps take care of her kids as well as his own, and when he was in a motorcycle accident and broke half the bones in his body she became his in home caregiver for two months. She would get up in the middle of the night and go home on her lunch breaks to do things like feed, dress, and bathe him.
That doesn't sound very casual to me. To put it delicately. That's what my mom said when I explained the scenario to her, her exact response was, "I'm sorry but that is not a casual relationship."
Initially when he started making advances toward me and flirting with me (i.e. feeding me lines like "If I said you have a beautiful body, would you hold it against me") I told myself I wasn't going to actually let him do anything physical because I felt like it would be disrespectful of his girlfriend. In all fairness I never actually worked up the nerve to tell him that point blank.
The other day we met for breakfeast just to chat and catch up his attitude was completely non-flirtatous, so I let me guard down a bit. We went back to my room (mistake number one) so I could give him a back massage since his neck was hurting. From there....it's akward to say, but he, for lack of a better word, seduced me. *Runs and hides behind a couch*
To be honest I'm having a hard time feeling bad about it, which is a totally new experience for me. The last few times I was intimate with someone, I felt mortified and revolted with myself afterward. More than once I went and jumped in the shower after the fact. I think it was because I felt as though I was simply an object the guy was using for his own gratification. This time though, there was much more of him making me feel good. He even told me at one point, "I'm going to make you feel beautiful." I've been walking on air ever since.
So emotionally I'm hot butter. Mentally I'm forced to wonder. I want to believe him when he tells me that his girlfriend knows he sleeps with other people, then again I know that no matter how much someone claims to care about you they can still lie to you. He's never struck me as a dishonest person. He and I were never more than very good friends before now. I've always told other people that I believed sex was for serious relationships at the very least. At the same time, I never imagined intimacy could feel that amazing. Even now my heart flutters just thinking about it.
Did I do something foolish? What should I do in the event that he makes advances again? This was a completely and utterly new experience, and I guess now, especially since he and I aren't really in a relationship, I'm left wondering "What now?"
Input would be appreciated.
Trouble is, my first time was with a guy who has a girlfriend. He insists to me that it's a casual and open relationship. Though intuitively it would make more sense to call it an open rather than casual relationship. The thing is he tells me it's an open relationship, but then he also tells me that he and his girlfriend live together, he helps take care of her kids as well as his own, and when he was in a motorcycle accident and broke half the bones in his body she became his in home caregiver for two months. She would get up in the middle of the night and go home on her lunch breaks to do things like feed, dress, and bathe him.
That doesn't sound very casual to me. To put it delicately. That's what my mom said when I explained the scenario to her, her exact response was, "I'm sorry but that is not a casual relationship."
Initially when he started making advances toward me and flirting with me (i.e. feeding me lines like "If I said you have a beautiful body, would you hold it against me") I told myself I wasn't going to actually let him do anything physical because I felt like it would be disrespectful of his girlfriend. In all fairness I never actually worked up the nerve to tell him that point blank.
The other day we met for breakfeast just to chat and catch up his attitude was completely non-flirtatous, so I let me guard down a bit. We went back to my room (mistake number one) so I could give him a back massage since his neck was hurting. From there....it's akward to say, but he, for lack of a better word, seduced me. *Runs and hides behind a couch*
To be honest I'm having a hard time feeling bad about it, which is a totally new experience for me. The last few times I was intimate with someone, I felt mortified and revolted with myself afterward. More than once I went and jumped in the shower after the fact. I think it was because I felt as though I was simply an object the guy was using for his own gratification. This time though, there was much more of him making me feel good. He even told me at one point, "I'm going to make you feel beautiful." I've been walking on air ever since.
So emotionally I'm hot butter. Mentally I'm forced to wonder. I want to believe him when he tells me that his girlfriend knows he sleeps with other people, then again I know that no matter how much someone claims to care about you they can still lie to you. He's never struck me as a dishonest person. He and I were never more than very good friends before now. I've always told other people that I believed sex was for serious relationships at the very least. At the same time, I never imagined intimacy could feel that amazing. Even now my heart flutters just thinking about it.
Did I do something foolish? What should I do in the event that he makes advances again? This was a completely and utterly new experience, and I guess now, especially since he and I aren't really in a relationship, I'm left wondering "What now?"
Input would be appreciated.
