A Two Year Delay Before Ptsd Reared It's Ugly Head.

[madmax]

What I don't understand is this started in 2002 I was involved for 2 years when in 2004 I was beaten etc...I was fine so I thought. I turned two my martial arts training for two years without any offer of therapy or mention of it by my company. 2006 June I went out on short term disability for ptsd.I started using cocaine in 2004 sometime along with alcohol for some reason. Why the two year delay and why am I still so mentally incompetent that I cannot work.

 

[The Albatross]

Sounds like you may have inadvertently complicated your situation with drugs or alcohol. I did too (alcohol for me) and had to deal with the substance abuse before I could get some progress on the PTSD stuff. As far as the delay, I "thought" I was functional for a great many years but in hindsight, I was not doing all that well. I have a lot suppressed subconsciously though and there are large chunks of my life I don't remember.

Hope others come on and give you some more insight Max.

 

[nursenurse]

I agree with the Albatross. so many times in life we think we are functioning well, PTSD or not. You feel strong, you are coping, but really truly, you might not be coping as well as thought, then it hits you awhile later like a landslide. I'm not PTSD, however, many years ago. I had a major panic attack while driving down a major highway. Thought this was it, felt like a hear attack, tunnel vision, chest pain, tachycardia, sweating etc. Managed to pull off and get help. When I went to my family doc a few days later, he suggested stress. Now if you know me well, I am a type -Z personality. If I was any more laid back, I would be buried. When I reflected on what had been happening in my life in the previous year, I saw some truth, especially in a situation that had happened months before, and that i thought i had dealt with just fine, thank you very much.

I took short term disability. Then I was going back to work, modified. Walked in on a Friday, told them see you Monday, and as I was walking down the back stairs, knew that i wasn't ever setting foot back in that office.

Now my case is minor, everything resolved in a short period of time. Add to it the traumas that you have experienced, far worse than mine, and you probably had some built in short term coping mechanisms which may not have been ideal. Throw in the alcohol/drugs (subconsciously not coping as well as you had thought) and then one day, boom. Done like dinner.

As for the long term unable to work, I wish I had an answer, hopefully someone else will be able to help you. I'm still learning and gobbling up info. I know my guy has difficulties as well, it's been years. My heart as always goes out to you folks. I'm a fixer, and I can't fix this or even offer you a pat answer. :(

 

[madmax]

"Done like dinner".

Yep! Went to the "Y" to try to exercise while on the elliptical trying my damndest to get grounded, an emergency alarm went off telling us to evacuate the building...I actually laughed at my luck today.

Oh yeah I drove there and when I got home I questioned the sweaty back I had....in short I blacked out the whole trip.Not until I sat down and signed on to PTSD Forum and noticed my back being sweaty did I have any recollection of what transpired.

Somewhat remember.

 

[The Albatross]

That sounds like something that I experience from time to time. I am one place, then zone out, and *poof* I am somewhere else and a bit confused by how I got there.

It gets better Max. Just write it off as an awareness of your starting place.

 

[LhasaLover]

Hi Max,

There can be stressors and triggers that set off the symptoms. Personally, I thought I was impervious to stress and never considered it as something that would upset me. My entire life I lived under insane stress, so to me, it was not a big deal!

I had events that triggered my PTSD from my childhood. Like most things to do with the mind, it is not always straightforward, but it does makes sense.

Exercising and raising your heart rate at least once a day is really important. Being mindful and creating a schedule helps a lot. Every hour I go get a glass of water to drink - this is my time to assess what I am doing and where I am at!

You will get your answers as to "why now", but when your mind is ready. Really focus on self-care and self-love and being kind to yourself now. The road to recovery is not always that straightforward and PTSD often goes undiagnosed. You are way ahead of the game by being on this forum.

Alcohol and drugs are actually a form of self-medication. Right now I do not drink and only take my prescriptions for anxiety and depression exactly as described.

Bless you, Max! I know this part completely sucks and is frightening, but it is really going to get better. Do you have a therapist and doctor that prescribeds meds? Have you considered going to a 12-step program (I go to Alanon and Codependents Anonymous), they are like a wonderful supportive family to me.

The other thing that helped me a lot deal with the actute symptoms was Edmund Bourne's Anxiety and Phobia Woorkbook. The books gives you an aresenal of tools to use in identify and coping with anxiety and panic attacks. The author even explains the difference between the two books in a straightforward manner. There is a new book by Bourne about Anxiety. I find these cognitive behavioral approaches help deal with the symptoms effectively.

The CBT does not replace psychotherapy, which is gets more to the root of the problem. It's not just looking for answers, it's realizing things about yourself that effect you negatively and deciding to change them. I do have a therapist in joint therapy that is smart and tends to tell me the "why's", but sometime the answers to my "why" questions leaves me more confused. It's difficult to see the forest for the tree when dealing with your own mind. My therapist tends to explain things in a way that I understand and does not really intellectualize things.

Saying my prayers for some peace of mind for you!

LL

 

[madmax]

LHASALOVER,

I will order the books today and yes my psychologist sends notes to my M.D. My psychiatrist left town 3 years ago and I have not tried to find another "script writer" I take 160 mg of Geodon at night along with 40 mg citalopram and 1 mg clonazepam....probably time for a change.
I rarely drink more than three beers in a week....some months none.....I AM a compulsive person that used alcohol which made me slow down and depressed me with cocaine that woke me back up and numbed me so nothing mattered. I just stopped the coke use years ago(4hrs) Funny thing is I am a long distance swimmer that works out alot. The drinking and eating like a rabid dog has slown down considerably.My med's I TAKE make drinking a pretty fruitless propasition. IN short I AM "neutered" both physically and mentally

 

[LhasaLover]

Hi Madmax,

Wow, ok... let's see.... Do you have insurance? Is it possible for you to look into a psychiatrist and maybe a therapist... I'm thinking traditional psychotherapy will be a big help. Cognitive therapist can immediately address issuess with anxiety. My therapist specializes in trauma, non-violence (oh does she know about violence), depression and anxiety. She keeps me floating sometimes.

After four years, it's definitely time to get your meds reviewed! There are new meds out and sometimes the effectiveness of the medicines you are on can "putter out". Just small adjustments can make a big difference. I'm hoping and praying a therapist and prescribing psychiatrist or psychopharmacologist is available to you. There's actually places you can go for free if you are not working or that have a sliding scale if you are working!

The drinking and drugs is self medicating. I too have not realized it but turned to light drinking or pot from family members sometimes to cope with my anxiety. Self medication is very common! What I realized now is I was "stuffing" my feelings which only worsened my condition. In addition I was a runner, weight lifter, you name it... lol. Very compulsive. Now it is weird, I think because there is so much cheap wine in California, if I have a glass of wine I get a headache. I think it's the sulfides and sugar. Pot started making me paranoid. Then when I stopped it sucked to have everything in my face! The anxiety was terrible.

My anxiety usually hits in the morning, early... I think it may be from my mother who used to yell or hit me while I was still sleeping. Who knows?! I am mindful of it and do things so that it will not escalate (hopefully).

Hey, it sounds like you need to get out of this rut you are in! Taking positive steps and following through is key.

Do you have a qualifier (i.e. alcoholic/drug addict) in your life? We have a member in one of our Alanon groups and that cannot identify their qualifier. I really enjoy codepent's anonymous. The meditation book, "The Language of Letting Go" by Melody Beattie has gotten me throught a challenging days.

I don't know your history, but she has some other good books. I mention Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and Codepency books as well as 12-step groups because I am hearing a lot of negative self-talk in your post. The books could be in your local library.

You indeed are not "neutered". You are a person looking for insights and on the road to getting well who is experiencing growing pains. You don't want to do drugs, you are facing this PTSD head-on - give yourself some credit where credit is due!

My friend, you need support and lots of it! You deserve it and are worth it.

 

[madmax]

The word should be "quantifier" Father Sister Mother She's passed stopped drinking when I was 7 in Belgium. My best friend was a true Irish Catholic from Sav,Ga he passed Feb 7th...drank like fish.

My (T) uses Cognitive approach with me,when I let him.Which truly is not very often.

My negative self-talk is probably due to my anti-depressant being to weak

You strike me as a very caring soul.

Marc

 

[LhasaLover]

Hi Madmax,

First Madmax, Thank you for the compliment! It is so very nice to hear. I just try to help people who want to help themselves. There are a lot of caring safe places for you.

I am sorry to hear about alcoholism in your family, it's amazing how profoundly it affects family dynamics.

Negative-self talk can be addressed in many ways, one is psychotherapy... another avenue is support groups which are now worldwide. They even have meetings over the Interent!

CBT is helpful for coping methods, I went to CBT therapy for over a year. It did not help me other than to cope better, which turned out to be a double edge sword. Coping better provides relief, but if the core issues were not addressed and continued to be stuffed. CBT also addresses issues with negative self-talk.

Currently, I myself am in pscyhotherapy. I cannot afford to go every week... the support groups help keep me afloat. The support groups can be pretty deep and take a while to wrap my head around. However, I now like to be around these thoughtful souls.

Codependent No More is a great little book which I think will make you see you are not alone. It blew my mind when I read this book for the first time. The meditation book, The Language of Letting Go and some Al-Anon meditation books became my best little friends.

Maybe talk to your therapist about your medication? Your therapist may be able to refer you to someone to help you with your meds. I am in the process of looking for a doctor since I just moved here so they can see me in person and check in on me fairly regularly.

Just some ideas, Marc... hopefully your mind is percolating with some new ideas.:cool:

I hope some others chime in, there's a lot of awesome people on this board. When you find yourself spiralling and in the throes of anxiety or panic, whatever the PTSD symptom may be, reach out for help at least on this board.

Remember self-care and plenty of rest... water, hot showers, exercise... be good to yourself. You take as much time and attention you need for yourself, because your first priority has to be taking care of you. You are worth it. There's no magic answers or pills, but if you do not isolate and step out you will find help and recovery. It's all good, all better than where you were at prior. PTSD will tell you that you are stuck and all sorts of bad things, it's a lie.

Recovery takes a long time to un-learn negative self-talk. In fact, lately with all the work I have been doing I can identify the sentences I use on myself to be ones told to me by my mother and other family members. Wow, did that spin me for a loop.

Sending prayers to lift you up!
-LL

 

[nursenurse]

You are really hard on yourself, Madmax. You wouldn't be here, you wouldn't be writing the thought provoking posts that you do so well with your dry sardonic wit, if you were "neutered" mentally. Love that one.

PTSD is a game changer. It doesn't have to be a game killer. There. Finally. A pat answer :)

 

[madmax]

Well I hope to feel what you see when I opine. Maybe then I can make a change from scornful and mocking to loving and prolific. With your help nursenurse and LL.