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Tenseasfff
Hello all
Thanks for taking the time to read and pass you valued opinion....
Ok, I was traumatised by a horrible parental divorce where i was badly betrayed and left to fend for myself as a 15 yr old.... it left a big scar and after a repeating this trauma with a couple of badly chosen women I'm now extremely sensitive to potential abandonment. Anyway after lots of therapy I got the confidence to try again, and met an awesome girl who is insanely reassuring and seems deeply in love with me... all good and although I've had a few big wobbles and anxiety etc, I've made it 9 months and I was starting to spend more time with her etc and move in the right direction.
But as life does, it pulled the rug out from under me.... my long time flat mate / one of my best friends moved out leaving me to face living alone (one of my bigggg fears) .... i denied it would effect me at first, but as the date got closer and since he left 4 weeks ago my anxiety has got stronger and stronger until I'm now in full on triggered mode..... intense 24/7 anxiety, deep sense of loneliness, grief, loss fear etc....
My question is this, where this has brought back such intense feelings of loss etc my relationship has been really hard to maintain... I've lost all security and where I feel so alone and deeply vulnerable, I get massive waves of anxiety after I see her now and strong feelings to desperately cling to her etc .... will this pass in time as the adjustment beds in?? Or is the relationship triggering me off each time I see her and extending the duration of this episode?? I don't want to end it as it would clearly make me more alone!! But equally I don't want it to go on forever!! I only say this because I wasn't too bad after my flat mate left, but its been seeing my girlfriend that has seemed to make the anxiety much worse....
I have a theory I was kind of in denial, keeping myself super busy, and away from home and the anxiety was my subconscious pushing me to find security and safety with her.... but reality has set in over the last week, my gf lives an hour away and I only see her once or twice a week and I've been alone more and more.... the anxiety has also become mixed with extremely deep sadness and fear/loneliness... like My subconscious has realised I no longer have anyone and I feel totally and painfully alone... Will these feelings pass?? Should I push on with the relationship? I purposely haven't looked to her for comfort or reassurance as I don't want to rely on her as she I think it would cause me massive anxiety, and stress her out! I would much rather adjust to living alone and relying on myself and friends...
Thanks
Thanks for taking the time to read and pass you valued opinion....
Ok, I was traumatised by a horrible parental divorce where i was badly betrayed and left to fend for myself as a 15 yr old.... it left a big scar and after a repeating this trauma with a couple of badly chosen women I'm now extremely sensitive to potential abandonment. Anyway after lots of therapy I got the confidence to try again, and met an awesome girl who is insanely reassuring and seems deeply in love with me... all good and although I've had a few big wobbles and anxiety etc, I've made it 9 months and I was starting to spend more time with her etc and move in the right direction.
But as life does, it pulled the rug out from under me.... my long time flat mate / one of my best friends moved out leaving me to face living alone (one of my bigggg fears) .... i denied it would effect me at first, but as the date got closer and since he left 4 weeks ago my anxiety has got stronger and stronger until I'm now in full on triggered mode..... intense 24/7 anxiety, deep sense of loneliness, grief, loss fear etc....
My question is this, where this has brought back such intense feelings of loss etc my relationship has been really hard to maintain... I've lost all security and where I feel so alone and deeply vulnerable, I get massive waves of anxiety after I see her now and strong feelings to desperately cling to her etc .... will this pass in time as the adjustment beds in?? Or is the relationship triggering me off each time I see her and extending the duration of this episode?? I don't want to end it as it would clearly make me more alone!! But equally I don't want it to go on forever!! I only say this because I wasn't too bad after my flat mate left, but its been seeing my girlfriend that has seemed to make the anxiety much worse....
I have a theory I was kind of in denial, keeping myself super busy, and away from home and the anxiety was my subconscious pushing me to find security and safety with her.... but reality has set in over the last week, my gf lives an hour away and I only see her once or twice a week and I've been alone more and more.... the anxiety has also become mixed with extremely deep sadness and fear/loneliness... like My subconscious has realised I no longer have anyone and I feel totally and painfully alone... Will these feelings pass?? Should I push on with the relationship? I purposely haven't looked to her for comfort or reassurance as I don't want to rely on her as she I think it would cause me massive anxiety, and stress her out! I would much rather adjust to living alone and relying on myself and friends...
Thanks
