DID All things did - dissociative identity disorder : did out of control

[cheddar2000]

Hi All,

I just got out of the hospital after a 5 day stay to get stable. Before going in I was only sleeping 1-2 hours a night for 8 days. I was exhausted. My doc add .5mg Klonopin and I take 600mg of seroquel at night. I am sleeping again. But nightmares are still there.

One of my alters brought home another patient. Luckily my adult children where livid and insisted I send him home. I did and now I realize how I put my whole family at risk. It ended ugly. I will not go into that part.

I am frustrated that a part of me could act independently and foolishly. I am trying very hard to not fight the alters. I am not 100% self aware of everyone. Sometimes it is so hard to go on. I don't know what inside me keeps me going.

I was ready to give up but I couldn't hurt my kids like that. I know some will say it was a blessing. But my life is chaos. If I could only stop fighting and accept this is happening to me maybe I will not be so separate.

Any words of wisdom/help?

 

[Pixie]

Hi Cheddar

"If I could only stop fighting and accept this is happening to me maybe I will not be so separate."

That is the hardest thing to do hun! For me, it took me to realise that I was not going to be able to put myself together by digging into my past (a harsh but necessary observation by my counsellor allowed me to come to this realisation). I came to accept that there are parts of my past that are not within my own experience and that the things that "I" don't remember, my alters do. I can only become more "together" by trying to open up communication with my alters (some co-conscious others not) and encourage them to discuss their issues or do things that they want to do (safe things!).

Have you tried doing up a "system map" for the alters that you are aware of and how they connect to each other? I am in this process right now and it does help to solidify the acceptance...

Rell