Alternative Reality

[Unmensch]

I kind of do something similar when I'm trying to lock myself into the here and now - reading car registration plates and see where the cars were registered, reading billboards, other kinds of mental observation games that I would be doing anyway to keep myself alert when I used to drive and did long journeys, but in the present it's to take myself out of my own thoughts... I don't know if that means anything or it's just me, or everyone does it.

I'm living in Germany too and I have no idea what grounding is called, or even whether it's on any kind of treatment plan outside of general coping skills, but my experiences of outpatient therapy have not been the best. I don't think I have panic or anxiety, it's not that. It's more the feeling of I don't belong here, I don't know what I'm doing here, and that's even at events that I've organized.

 

[p-no]

It's more the feeling of I don't belong here, I don't know what I'm doing here, and that's even at events that I've organized.

I have this. But for me personally, I have learned to take this as a warning that I am going way too fast with everything. What I mean is, I need to get further "out" (disconnected) opposed to further "in" (connected). I literally need time off, time without anyone and any negative (negative by my own definition for myself) impulses (I mean even stuff like cars driving or flashlights from a tourist's camera or whatever) to get away from that (I'd say) weariness, flurriness, I don't know. I can only connect, feel safe and "knowing what I'm doing here" with few people around.

"Events" sounds big to me... When you say that you do not know what you're doing at events that you've organized, are you also referring to the work (is it work events?) you have to do, or rather the "what should I do with myself now"-thing?

 

[Unmensch]

That's volunteer work. I know it isn't doing me any good since I'm not getting anything out of it (I'm definitely not connecting with anyone), but I've been doing it so long it would be difficult to give up and the alternative of sitting at home could be worse. I know I'm not getting anything out of it because I'm not really motivated and I'm not putting anything into it.

 

[Unmensch]

I enjoy the preparation and laughing with the people I work with at one of the events though, so I'm not giving that up in a hurry :)