Relationship Am I Being Ridiculous?

[kristen1911]

My boyfriend who I have taken care of and done everything I can do to support, help, and love him has recently shut me out, as if he's trying to push me away. He has PTSD and TBI .

We just purchased a house together for our boys, and ourselves and we have been here for 2 months. And not once has he slept with me :( for the past week,he hasn't really spoken to me, and tells me to leave him alone. He will talk to everyone except me, he's texting on his phone all night, and it tears me apart.

He was so active with me and our boys before and now he's been laid out on the couch for 2 weeks and has done nothing with us but all of a sudden when his friends call he takes off for hours and doesn't even tell me where he's going. I'm not used to this at all,because we always told each other where we are going or we would go together, I also suspect he is talking to other women with how protective he's being over his phone lately.

Although our 6 yr old asked him today why he doesn't like mommy anymore and he said, he loves me, but mom just needs to stop thinking the way she does or I wont like her very much. Then he told me I shouldn't bring the boys into this and I didn't even do anything, but I assume he thinks I put them up to it.

I'm so confused! Is this normal? And how do I go about telling him I don't deserve this and I'm the one person who's been there through everything. With him and he needs to understand he tearing me apart, and I'm so hurt? Will he ever see what he's been doing to me?

 

[Dallas]

What was your time frame from meeting to dating-to moving in together, if you don't mind my asking?

Sincerely,
Dallas.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

He cannot see what he is doing to you. He is crossing so many boundries with you. You set the standard for how much you are willing to take from him. He needs help, and what he is doing to you is so wrong.

But it is part of a pattern of so many people.

You could probably benefit from some kind of therapy to help you sort this out, maintain your boundries and have someone on your side so to speak. You need to take care of your self esteem.

Someone will be along that is in a better position to advise you. It is not your fault and you are not alone. Alot of people are going through this right now. I am so sorry it is happening to you. He is making assumptions about you.

 

[kristen1911]

Dallas, we have known each other since we were 10, got together 2 years ago and have lived together for about 10 months. Now.

Just purchased the bigger house about 2 months ago. So it wasn't to big of a rush and he's the one that wanted me to move in with him, and was adimate about having the boys be a part of the family. So everything to me was as close to perfect in my eyes.

I love him so much and I hate to see him go down hill, breaks my heart ...thanks so much gizmo, its nice to have someone side with me and understand what I mean :)

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I hope you take extra special care of yourself. I know you must be so confused by this happening to you now. I know it does not make any sense at all. Hang in there. There is so much to learn about this disorder for you to come to know in time. I am wishing you the best.

 

[discarded]

Maybe the stress of the new house has caught up with him and he doesn't know how to handle it. Weak excuse for most but for someone with PTSD could be a major trigger. My husband shut me out because I knew everything. He started up an online and text fantasy world with a new woman, where he could pretend he was fine. Unfortunately he eventually crossed the line with her. That is not to say that is what is happening with you. You need to set boundaries as Gizmo suggested. Let him know what it is acceptable to you. It is a really difficult situation for you and unfortunately I can't offer advice as nothing I did helped the situation, in fact made it worse. All I can offer is my support and understanding of the tough situation you are in. ((((hugs))))

 

[phraglern]

I hear you and feel your pain. Take care of yourself first. I really can't offer more as i am in pretty close to the same boat. All I can say is that it got bad in my world, then I stopped pushing for that closeness, started taking care of myself and left her to be a mess by herself. I think that took some stress away from her as well as giving her a chance to look at herself instead of me bugging her.

Another thing I have read again and again here and observed in my sufferer is that they can be "trapped". When their stress cup overflows she can't function. Deep down she really wants to function, she wants a 'normal' relationship, she wants to be hugged but it's all to overwhelming. It's not that she won't it's that she can't. It's so hard as a supporter to step back and see that. It's so hard not to take the rejection personal. I have to giver her the space to come to me. Today she is slowly on the way back to me, tomorrow, who knows.

 

[kristen1911]

I guess what I don't understand is how its ok for him to speak to everyone else but he wants me to leave him alone? I will hear his cell phone go off all night long. Also, he has been not wanting to do anything for weeks,but all of a sudden for the past few days he has been leaving for hours and not saying a word to me about where he's going or anything at all. It breaks my heart because I automatically assume, he's messing around with someone else, or atleast cheating emotionally and it really tears me up, because he wont even give me a chance or speak to me. How can I rekindle anything when I feel like he's annoyed or angry when im in the same room as him? Or how do I go about telling him he's hurting me without him being mad? He tells me he doesn't want me to leave him, but I don't understand what he thinks is going to happen after so long of him treating me this way. :(

 

[discarded]

I think there comes a time when you realise enough is enough and you just can't take anymore. You sound a lot like me, always suspecting the worst. Unfortunately for me initially I never suspected a thing until one day I received a bunch of emails detailing stuff I would rather not have known or found out so abruptly. From that moment on I suspected the worst every time. He gave me no reason to believe other wise. He claims he shut me out because I don't trust him, and I don't trust him, for very good reasons. He may not be with someone else, but if you guys are in a comitted relationship then you have the right to know if there is something going on. It certainly plays havoc with your mind not knowing.

 

[belong to live]

Another thing I have read again and again here and observed in my sufferer is that they can be "trapped". When their stress cup overflows she can't function. Deep down she really wants to function, she wants a 'normal' relationship, she wants to be hugged but it's all to overwhelming. It's not that she won't it's that she can't. It's so hard as a supporter to step back and see that. It's so hard not to take the rejection personal. I have to giver her the space to come to me. Today she is slowly on the way back to me, tomorrow, who knows.

Well put.My true self wants nothing more than to love my girlfriend.I want us to care and take care of each other.I said to her today when I go quiet,moody or other emotion I want you to know that it's not anything you have done or said.It's the trauma and overwhelming emotions trying to connect,withdraw or express something.Everything is out of whack and hyper emotions take over.Rational thinking goes out the window and I am likely to self sabotage all the progress I have made.

The phone call ended badly as I was emotional and crying and she didn't want to hear it? I had to retreat and wished her a good night.'Talk to you later' I sobbed quietly.I then hung up.

My recent frustrations of worthlessness have surfaced and I feel and fear now she will lose interest in me.
I am too hard work for her.

 

[kristen1911]

Belong to live, if she loves you, she will want to stay. She will support you and help you in every way possible. The fact that you can sit here and talk to me,about your frustrations is amazing! If you can talk to her at all or even sob in front of her, that's more than anyone, as a carer can ask for. I have never got much emotion out of my ex boyfriend and I have went to every hospital, doctors appt, therapy, took care of his medicines. I realize now, he never showed me much of anything that I deserved after everything I have done for him and to support him. He actually left me and my 2 sons and said some terrible things, but refuses to let us move on, by holding onto my kids, texting them, calling them, its not very fair,because he knows we all lovve him, and tells me he doesn't want a relationship with me, and loves me but not in love with me?guess ill never understand. :( you just hang in there buddy and keep working on yourself, because you seem to be heading in a great direction, by expressing yourself at all. :)