Am I talking to myself?


Since a teenager, I've been writing on notebooks about my feelings, thoughts dailylife and more but It was usually a monologue.

When I was 18 i started having a lot of dissociative symptomps such as not recognicing me at the mirror, emotional numbness, hands and arms desensibilisation and also sometimes I couldn't feel pain on my arms and legs.

I don't have a very good memory but I can make things because of calendars and notes. In that point, is normal to me to have those symtomps like a lot of my body or feeling like other person.

But here is the point, latelly when I write there are some interruptions like from other thoughts and I now they are me but they feel totally different from me. When I write they usually say something and them I start talking to them and they feel and think very different things than me. I know one of them don't want me to talk about it with anyone but i need some answers.

They feel different but they might be just me as long as I am only one person ( and another problem is I usually dont feel like my name, now I feel like Amelie)

Maybe I've got a lot of imaginary skills i don't know.

I think they have never take control of my whole body but sometimes i feel like my body isn't mine but i can control it anyways.

Other times I can't move at all and feel confused or dizzy.

I talked about it to my T and told me that this is because i don't want to carry memories so i just split them out to my unconsciousness

Have you got any ideas?
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my very first psych dx in 1974 was, "trauma induced amnesia." it wasn't until the mid to late 80's that i began to understand why my shrinks kept saying "amnesia" like it was a bad thing. by my late 20's the symptoms you are describing here had escalated to crippling levels. the puppets in my head were so loud and rowdy that they felt far more real than any of the people, places and things in my here and now.

my primary idea is to listen to your T. trust him/her to guide you. remediating this psycho snot knot is an inside job, but travelling companions advised.

for what it's worth
popular consensus has it that my creative gifts are what facilitated this phenom. these days i'm studying on how to use those gifts more wisely. talent is a gift with the assumption that you'll provide the gumption. provide wisely. any gift can be used foolishly.
Okay, i'll speak with my T but I don't think my shrink will trust me anyways, I'm not ever sure about what's happening but, well, I'll try to work on i on therapy.