Theresa1122
Bronze Member
Everything just keeps piling on and piling on - I'm feeling overwhelmed. I talked to my bf last night. He's getting better at listening, which is great. He now knows that sometime I just need to get it out or vent and that I need a listener, not a fixer.
So, the piling up part......the trauma happened at home and a few years later, I was remarried and moved about 800 miles away, to a warmer climate that would be less physically painful in the winter and less mentally painful just being away from the small town. My husband, his daughter had his first grandchild and he moved back home. We got divorced.
We worked things out and now we're back together (my current bf). I moved home, which has been very mentally and emotionally hard on me. The person who caused my trauma has passed, but his family blames me still and they live in the small town where I am back living. My anxiety is heightened every time I leave the house because I don't want to see them or run into them at a store/restaurant/etc.
Most of my family and friends want to look at me as "normal" because my physical scars are hidden by clothing and they (mostly family) don't want to admit that there's anything wrong with me. It's hard because I do have issues and they don't want to help because they want to just put everything in the past and move forward.
Now, my boyfriend and I are in the process of buying a house. That's stressful enough in itself. We need to get things organized also with wills because his daughter is the type that would jump and throw me out of the house if something were to happen to him. Especially since he makes decent money at work and I don't have much income, just my disability. She will view everything as his and she is very greedy and mean. My boyfriend agrees, but doesn't have the ambition to get on the will. I told him this is very important to me, so now he wants me to type everything up so he can sign it and be done. Now that I'm only a girlfriend and not a wife, I don't have that security.
I feel that, since I don't work outside the home, he puts everything on me (paperwork, the home purchase, the wills, cooking, cleaning, phone calls, everything). It's a lot for an HSP with anxiety, depression, insomnia, and PTSD.
Add to that the fact that I recently found a post online where a family member of my late husband called me a murderer! That brought the trauma and everything that went with it right back to the surface. I need to contact a lawyer about a Libel lawsuit. I don't really care about getting any money from them, I just want them all (his family) to stop putting accusations and lies about me in the newspaper and online.
I'm sober now and that's great, but I don't have that "escape" any more. I used to just drink it away. Not healthy at all, but easier to live day-to-day and hide behind the alcohol. Now I see and feel everything clearly and that's hard too.
The anniversary of the trauma is in 2 months and I know it will be harder this year since I'm back home.
It's just all adding up, it's overwhelming, and I want to just give up - throw in the white flag. I hate this!
So, the piling up part......the trauma happened at home and a few years later, I was remarried and moved about 800 miles away, to a warmer climate that would be less physically painful in the winter and less mentally painful just being away from the small town. My husband, his daughter had his first grandchild and he moved back home. We got divorced.
We worked things out and now we're back together (my current bf). I moved home, which has been very mentally and emotionally hard on me. The person who caused my trauma has passed, but his family blames me still and they live in the small town where I am back living. My anxiety is heightened every time I leave the house because I don't want to see them or run into them at a store/restaurant/etc.
Most of my family and friends want to look at me as "normal" because my physical scars are hidden by clothing and they (mostly family) don't want to admit that there's anything wrong with me. It's hard because I do have issues and they don't want to help because they want to just put everything in the past and move forward.
Now, my boyfriend and I are in the process of buying a house. That's stressful enough in itself. We need to get things organized also with wills because his daughter is the type that would jump and throw me out of the house if something were to happen to him. Especially since he makes decent money at work and I don't have much income, just my disability. She will view everything as his and she is very greedy and mean. My boyfriend agrees, but doesn't have the ambition to get on the will. I told him this is very important to me, so now he wants me to type everything up so he can sign it and be done. Now that I'm only a girlfriend and not a wife, I don't have that security.
I feel that, since I don't work outside the home, he puts everything on me (paperwork, the home purchase, the wills, cooking, cleaning, phone calls, everything). It's a lot for an HSP with anxiety, depression, insomnia, and PTSD.
Add to that the fact that I recently found a post online where a family member of my late husband called me a murderer! That brought the trauma and everything that went with it right back to the surface. I need to contact a lawyer about a Libel lawsuit. I don't really care about getting any money from them, I just want them all (his family) to stop putting accusations and lies about me in the newspaper and online.
I'm sober now and that's great, but I don't have that "escape" any more. I used to just drink it away. Not healthy at all, but easier to live day-to-day and hide behind the alcohol. Now I see and feel everything clearly and that's hard too.
The anniversary of the trauma is in 2 months and I know it will be harder this year since I'm back home.
It's just all adding up, it's overwhelming, and I want to just give up - throw in the white flag. I hate this!
