Angzyat Free Today

[madmax]

After a simply awful yoga session last night complete with hyperventilating numbness and anxiety(angzyat); I wake up "reborn" somewhat of a foreign feeling took a couple of hours to truly recognize the "Normal" day. No mania no threat assessments.

I am going to stop and just enjoy.

Peace

Max

 

[I Can Do This]

Sounds like your yoga session helped you move some somatic experience out of your body! :bookworm:

 

[madmax]

It's been 7 years since I experienced whatever this normal is to me.

 

[nursenurse]

No words of wisdom, just extremely happy for you :)

 

[The Albatross]

Great news Max, know what you mean too about it taking a while to recognize a "normal day" feeling.

 

[madmax]

Thank you for responding..I was wondering if you would see my post today....,majestic.

 

[madmax]

I woke up around 530am anticipating another "good-normal" day. Around 630 a gun shot went of in my head and my aggressive hypervigilant actions and feelings are back.

Glad I didn't remove my machete from under my mattress.

Right now I don't even care why this is happening again. I feel "Deeepresed" and I let myself down.

Madmax

 

[The Albatross]

Don't let the depression rob yourself of the experience of a normal day. If you journal about your recollections of yesterdays experience, it helped me to have a benchmark. Something I could shoot for and gave me the motivation I needed to do some things each morning to raise my base point/starting or waking mood.

 

[madmax]

I did journal last night.

I was about to edit my last post with what I figured triggered my return trip to PTSD hell.
I have a 3-dimensional art piece in my den that has the rope that was used by South American illegals to hog tie me years ago;I spent some time early this morning looking at this rope and thinking I could finally throw or burn it away.

What you all need to understand is or should I say I MUST REMEMBER these same people that did this to me and others around the country do not forget or forgive.

 

[The Albatross]

Glad you got some insight. I'll not invalidate your choice to remember the event. It took me a lot of practice to learn how to remember or retell without severe anxiety or stress (I don't have flashbacks very often). When I remember, I try to cue myself to play the memory all the way through to the place where I was "safe".

 

[madmax]

I cannot feel safe....Please Google: enfamil drug trafficking

 

[The Albatross]

I was involved in a situation where to "punish" my ex husband I lived in fear for many years. To hurt him, some people camped out in our apartment waiting for me/us to return, going to the location they thought I was at with the aim to kidnap and kill me. My ex's reaction was to obsessively control where I went and I was "not allowed" to go anywhere unaccompanied.

It is a hard thing. I'm sorry that you are having to go through more than this. Living fearfully and trying to hide and be difficult to locate went on for over 20 years for me. I just wish you the best okay?