Relationship Any Tips To Help Us Pls - Hubby Has Slumped Back Today :o(

[Sunshine71]

Hi wonderful people

After a few weeks of doing well and enjoying life my husband has slumped back again today. Its been a bank holiday over here and we have had a relaxing spring clean sort of day - its now past 9.30pm in the evening and with a young son we cant go out.

Any tips that may help me help him this evening? + Help me as if we dont do something I know its going to be a challanging evening/ few days :O(

Thanks for being there.

Sunshine x

 

[Kintsugi]

Hi Sunshine,
What exactly is your husband experiencing? Isolation? Depression? Anger? Negative self-talk? Irritability?

 

[Sunshine71]

Thanks Miss AntiSunshine.

After a day of horrendous flashbacks he also forgot who his son was again. This upset him (of course) and the depression just took hold again. He just said that he cant go on. He hates himself and doesnt deserve to be happy at all.
He had a very restless night sleep nightmares, and flinching through out the night.
So maybe all what you said and more -with the feelings of ending it all.

I hugged him as much as I could all night - this morning he is quiet although talking a little.

He said that this is the true him and when things are good he is just putting on a mask and pretending. I am hoping that this is the PTSD talking and the 'slumps' are not the real him of course.

MANY thanks and look forward to hearing from you and the amazing people on here.

Sunshine xx

 

[amethist]

Hi Sunshine

It must have been a weekend for slumps.

My husband had one yesterday, and there was nothing I could do but leave him to deal with what ever was going on in his mind. He would not eat very much, so just left him to drink tea and juice and sleep all day.

This morning still down, but brighter, if that makes sense.

Al we can do when these slumps happen is be close by, but get on with anything we can to keep ourselves going. Not always easy though, when we see them so down, knowing we can't help.

Amethist

 

[Kintsugi]

Hi Sunshine,
I don't know your husband and his situation, but in my experience within myself, during these 'slumps,' sometimes lasting days to months, I feel like Nothing was Ever good Ever. But it's not true. I just cannot fathom happiness. I can't think that I was ever really happy. It feels like there is nothing but illness and suffering. When I'm on a really good streak, I look back and cannot fathom the darkness, either.

Is your husband on medications? It sounds like he is having a really hard time with some serious symptoms (flashbacks, not knowing who your son was).

Perhaps grounding would help? Some sort of radical grounding, maybe? What grounds me the most is taking a trip somewhere, anywhere, because I can feel that I am in transition. I can feel the newness. It's more vivid. Do you have any close friends or family members who maybe live an hour or two away that he would want to visit? Or even a day trip to a lake or something? I know that it is hard to get an isolator out of a safe space, but I feel like sometimes my safe places are where I react most, and it sounds like maybe he just really needs to be brought down to earth?

Has this happened before? Have you seen/heard of his coping skills? If not, maybe in the future when he is feeling good you could ask him about some of the coping strategies he's learned so that later, when he is not doing well, you can remind him/help him achieve those strategies.

 

[Sunshine71]

Thank you so much Miss AS & Amethist for sharing again.

The next day hubby and I had a talk and he explained more about how he is when he gets so down.

I am understanding more and more - but its not easy of course.

We did take some time out and about the following day too - again not easy as I am juggling a demanding client at the moment - need the money but not the extra stress.

He is a lot better again and we are getting ready to go out for the day.

He has stopped caffiene tea/ coffee and alcahol (not that we had any anyway) and seering if this helps.

Yes he is on medication - heart medication as well as a high amount of anti depressants. I cant really see an improvement with him on anti depressants and he has taken them for a year.

Oh well ladies - I wish you love and best wishes for your weekend and prey that its fine for us all.

With love and thanks Sunshine xxx

 

[Sunshine71]

Hi all

After a fair few days of calm my husband has slumped again.

Again he didnt know who our son was for a few minutes and this of course really upsets and scares him.

I wondered if anyone makes a note of ups and downs. I should have done this ages ago - but really too scared to write things down. Maybe it makes it all even more real.

Oh well he is asleep now and I have had a veg out few hours watching cr@p TV - something the doesnt happen often!

Each time things are good I hope that the slumps will end.

They contiue though.

Sunshine x

 

[Reclusive]

Actually, noting what kinds of things are happening in his life right before the slumps might help you track down any triggers or stressors that are causing him. Maybe he has nightmares the night before or watches something on TV. It could be anything, really, so you might want to team up on the observing part.

Glad you took some time for yourself to unwind and decompress. I know it can be really hard to deal with sometimes - my fiance just had a bad night last night and I had no idea what to do, so I totally sympathize.