Arguments When It Goes To Insults Under The Belt

[Anna]

This is kind of getting to me big time. Whenever me and my partner argue, even about really stupid small stuff like the housework, he always starts to insult me and goes under the belt with the insults. He will call me "Crazy" and basically drive me into a state of hysteria.

Today we argued and he basically told me I was crazy, unstable etc etc... Was really bad. To the point that afterwards I felt pretty s*** about myself. I thought it was over the top seeing as I did not insult my partner once, and just moaned I could not cope with all the housework etc and needed some help. "Oh you are so aggressive, crazy loon " etc etc... some I do not wish to type here as it was so really bad. I don't understand why. I never go under the belt with the insults because there are certain things people cannot change about themselves like height, weight etc etc... it is like they just wanted to hurt me by saying this.

Also going on about my trust problems, me being paranoid and then threatning to leave?!
Right..... urm... ok...

My head is a mess at the moment. I cannot cope with this abuse. I only wanted some help around the house.?

 

[jeeps for now]

I believe that if your partner really knew what he was doing, and wishing to be loving, he would not be insulting you in these ways. All I can sense happening is your getting leveraged into a less-mature way of thinking/acting whenever he treats you like this. Unfortunately, he probably even thinks that his outlook is correct because of the way you ultimately express an unstable character, i.e., he is not aware of his own triggering actions. This may be real destructive for you.

Of the stories I have read on this forum, the most healed of the ptsd-inflicted people have gotten away from these type of circumstances.

 

[anthony]

It is not uncommon those with PTSD go for the win to cease the conversation, not even acknowledging the destruction created on the path to obtain it... even though there is no winning in a conversation.

And then it can also be a male thing... genetics at play.

 

[Anna]

My partner does not have PTSD. I am the sufferer and in arguments no matter how silly and small, he always turns it round and uses my illness against me. Like I am crazy because I want him to help me out with the housework? It doesn't make sense to me because I would never use something like this against someone to win an argument. I get the impression he just wants to hurt me and make me feel really bad. I do not have a supporter. My partner does not support my illness.

I think the problem is, that when people get angry they say hurtful things which they may later regret. I have now discussed with my partner that this is not right what he does. It is off topic and has nothing to do with the argument at hand. It is just very hard sometimes when you are trying to get better, just want a normal conversation or to discuss help with certain things then they turn round and use your illness against you rather than talk logically about it.

 

[anthony]

Put it into the above noted male genetics category then...

I am glad you raised it with your partner though, as that is the only way relationship issues will get sorted out. Well done.