Dom Violence Abusive Boyfriend Says I'm Always Arguing Even When He Starts The Arguments...

[EveHarrington]

I absolutely hate this question.
If people must ask something, turn the question onto HIM: "Why does [...

Because we all know that the reason why someone is abusive doesn't matter.

At all.

Nobody ever says "well he's abusive because he has a very hard job and many responsibilities so take that into consideration. "

Nope!

Last I checked this was a support forum and we're for the most part trying to support the end of the abuse.

We all know you can't change an abuser, so it's up to the abusee to make the changes.

Sometimes that means asking hard questions.

(Sorry I'm having the underlining problem too. All I did was quote?)

 

[shimmerz]

Many abusers are masters at having their target depend on them in ways that many cannot imagine so that they have a captive audience. Most likely there are issues with dependency (perhaps financially, emotionally, there may be children involved). When one is targeted as a victim by the time one realizes it their head is usually so spun out that they can't think their way out of a paper bag.

This is by design.

That being said, OP, if you have a local women's support centre that provides an outreach program, or have access to a therapist then I suggest you get an outside opinion on what is happening to you. Try to keep away from him and surround yourself with positive and supportive people as much as you can. This stuff takes the best of us down.

 

[Knak]

I can identify. I have problems that force me to live (married 30 years) with someone who is destroying me. I didn't know it until too late because I was naive, obvious easy prey, grew up forced to believe I deserved it, and more.

Other people I trusted already knew him 20 years and swore he was a good Christian, a leader, good father, etc. He had all the outward appearances of stability.

If he is a narcissist and you are co-dependent then it is a near impossible situation to get out of, and continues getting worse for you until you are used up. There are resources online specifically regarding narcissism that you can look into to understand, and some are from people who managed to get out.

Hopefully you can at least take a look at it and see if it applies.

 

[Freedomfighter]

For the past two nights, my boyfriend kept me up all night so we can "argue". But when we argue, it is 90% of him tal...

Are you a minor? Do you still live at home where parents can help you? Or do you live by yourself where, if it happens to be that the next argument he might want to settle with a knife, you could not get help in time?

What I mean is this: many young people when not knowing what to expect from a relationship, especially after being parented by people who display a military style of raising their kids, do not realize when they really are in trouble and when a beast settles upon them from whom they can not get away with.

To say that your "boyfriend" is trouble is an understatement. To say that he has a serious mental condition and should be under observation by a knowledgeable psychiatrist is more like it.

In cases such as this the victim often does not know what is happening and I have been there, my ex pulled stupid stunts where he always insisted he was right about everything and when noticing that I knew more about some things then him made me absolutely miserable about it.

You are together with a mental patient, I know it sounds crass, but if that helps you to realize that your life is in danger and then motivates you to get into a safe situation then I have done my good deed today.

 

[aut555]

For the past two nights, my boyfriend kept me up all night so we can "argue". But when we argue, it is 90% of him tal...

You are right, you by your comments realize you can never feed the beast. Until he swallows you whole, (narcissistic personality, Google this). Another possibility, he is extremely insecure about himself, so to make himself feel better, guess what, he puts you down. Because from what you say, you seem to be a high level functioning adult, something he isn't caple of and he feels super insecure next to you. Is this really how you wish to spend the rest of your life? What is it in you that has you feeling that you deserve to be disrespected or dis on this level? Is his love so great or are you so blinded by the facade of love that you are accepting this? You have some tough questions to ask of yourself and of him. Are you ready for changes?

 

[NoWhereKnowWhere]

Your boyfriend sounds like an absolute c*nt. I'm so sorry you have deal with this shit.

I'd also google gaslighting. When he argues with you and blames it on you for starting it or whatever it sounds like gaslighting.

:hug:S if you accept them.

 

[AlohaDreaming]

I'm going to say this now.

RUN. RUN HARD! RUN LONG! RUN FAST!

No man, woman, family member, etc is worth that kind of mental abuse. If you have PTSD, then you need to learn boundaries. Clearly you care for this person is some way, but if you know he's abusive, it's time to pack a bag and go.

 

[EveHarrington]

I don't think the op ever came back!

 

[420kitty]

I was in a domestic abuse. Mainly mental. Honestly, until you decide to leave once and for all. After you've taken all of the emotional break down you can take - then you can start to heal and be helped. At this point in time your relationship sounds very co-dependent. In that case you are looking for validation and a way to reach out, but it is unlikely you will leave any time soon.
It sounds a little like my old situation. As I look back I tried reaching out to people and after a while they would get tired of me. I wasn't leaving him and only complaining about the bad times.
I am so much healthier and happier now. I wish you good luck.

 

[420kitty]

I guess if you're into abuse, then you'll stay. If you're not into abuse, then you should leave! He do...

Who the f*ck is ever into abuse? That is just oure bullshit. The rest I agree with though.

 

[Deleted member 541]

@420kitty Its too bad that you think I'm full of bullshit. It's your opinion and you're entitled to it.

 

[Beemo3780]

Please get out while you can. My ex started with all that, sometimes keeping me up until 4am yelling at me when he knew I had to be at work at 6am. It was the process of beating me down so he could control me and that's when he got the upper hand. My ex used to yell at me for being fat (I was 20 lbs underweight), that my nose was too big and it was embarrassing to be out in public with me (he wanted me to get plastic surgery), he constantly called me stupid and that no one would ever love me (he was doing me a favor by being with me).

This never leads anywhere good. It took a lot for me to leave, and I lost years of my life. Get out now while you can. Seriously.