HI everyone! I found this forum today and it is a lifesaver to know I'm not alone. I've been dating a great guy for 10 months now (long distance, about 4 hr drive). He was in combat about 10 yrs ago, long before I knew him. Everything was great in our relationship the first 6 or so months. He is very sweet and kind, all around good guy. He opened up to me about things, never blew up. He has a drinking problem that he is working on. Things began to unravel a few months ago. His brother is having problems with substance abuse and is in an abusive relationship which is very distressing for my vet as they were super close and now they barely speak. He grew more distant with me the past month or so, not answering messages etc. When we were together in person he was still kind and sweet but you can tell he's off.
My current issue is that he's stone walling me. His gma died and he had to cancel our weekend and asked when I could reschedule. I called him a few times, silence. Messaged, silence. A few days, more silence. In the past he's done this before for only a few days. When it first happened in july I told him it bothered me and his response was he would never ghost me and would tell me if he had an issue with me, that this was his issues.
Unfortunately I was under a lot of work stress this time and perceived this as silent treatment/punishment (with a non ptsd guy silence is just mean behavior) so I got a little pissy in my texts, demanding an answer and freaking when he wouldn't. I cant understand why he would ask me when i could reschedule and then not respond. I said nothing mean, just "why won't you answer? What did I do wrong? Just end it if you want" kind of stuff. I recognize now his silence triggered anxiety/trust issues in me and my reaction made it worse. I texted today that I was sorry, that i cared about him and I want us to work. I told him the silence caused me to react anxiously, I know he's going through a hard time, and that I'm here for him like always. It's been 5 days of nothing which has been the longest since I've known him. He's also off his anti-depressant now which is helping nothing. This is the first time I've had an emotional break like this with him. It is HARD dating someone with this problem. I don't expect myself to be perfect but I'm so worried my reaction hurt him. We have worked through issues harmoniously in the past but he refuses to answer.
I'm not sure what to do at this point. Those of you with ptsd, is it best that I leave him alone? We used to interact numerous times daily so this is a big change for me and difficult not to take personally. In the past when things were hard getting him to talk ended in him laughing and more calm...but I can't get him to respond. If I lived there I'd just go over but I can't for another week. It's helpful for me to read in all of your posts that his isolation is unfortunately normal with ptsd. He's isolating a bit with some mutuel friends too, should I encourage them to interact with him more to help draw him out of this? I just don't know what to do, appreciate any advice.
My current issue is that he's stone walling me. His gma died and he had to cancel our weekend and asked when I could reschedule. I called him a few times, silence. Messaged, silence. A few days, more silence. In the past he's done this before for only a few days. When it first happened in july I told him it bothered me and his response was he would never ghost me and would tell me if he had an issue with me, that this was his issues.
Unfortunately I was under a lot of work stress this time and perceived this as silent treatment/punishment (with a non ptsd guy silence is just mean behavior) so I got a little pissy in my texts, demanding an answer and freaking when he wouldn't. I cant understand why he would ask me when i could reschedule and then not respond. I said nothing mean, just "why won't you answer? What did I do wrong? Just end it if you want" kind of stuff. I recognize now his silence triggered anxiety/trust issues in me and my reaction made it worse. I texted today that I was sorry, that i cared about him and I want us to work. I told him the silence caused me to react anxiously, I know he's going through a hard time, and that I'm here for him like always. It's been 5 days of nothing which has been the longest since I've known him. He's also off his anti-depressant now which is helping nothing. This is the first time I've had an emotional break like this with him. It is HARD dating someone with this problem. I don't expect myself to be perfect but I'm so worried my reaction hurt him. We have worked through issues harmoniously in the past but he refuses to answer.
I'm not sure what to do at this point. Those of you with ptsd, is it best that I leave him alone? We used to interact numerous times daily so this is a big change for me and difficult not to take personally. In the past when things were hard getting him to talk ended in him laughing and more calm...but I can't get him to respond. If I lived there I'd just go over but I can't for another week. It's helpful for me to read in all of your posts that his isolation is unfortunately normal with ptsd. He's isolating a bit with some mutuel friends too, should I encourage them to interact with him more to help draw him out of this? I just don't know what to do, appreciate any advice.
