At What Age Is Your First Memory

[WillowMarie]

I was wondering what age everyone's first memories are from. As well as how much you can remember.

I have started Homecoming by John Bradshaw after seeing other people mention this book. I find it very informative and interesting so far.

I was reading the chapter on reclaiming your infant self... and it said to write down anything you remember, or any info you know. Ummmm.. that would be pretty my nothing. The timeframe is until nine months old.

And then the next chaptrr is until age three...

I just feel frustrated because there is so much I can't remember. Before seventh grade, I only have a handful of memories. And they all kind of blend together where I dont know what age I was.

I have one memory from when I was five and under. There was a young child, in a dress, standing on a stone patio behind a house. There are bees covering her. I don't know if she was me or not. There is just mystery surrounding it. Maybe I remembered it distorted, can this happen with memories?

I also don't remember how I was comforted or if I ever was. I only recently remembered two memories of when I was younger than seventh grade that involves my mom. I mean, who doesn't remember their own mother???

I try to remind myself to be patient, that I will remember when I am ready. I just feel frustrated, too, because I think other people have more to works with when it comes to what they remember.

 

[rightkindofme]

I have a lot of concrete memories from 2/3. I seem to have an unusually acute memory though. I haven't met very many people who can clearly remember that early.

 

[HelenB]

I personally don't have much memory at all from before the age of eleven when I went to boarding school (where I got a grant maintained place to get me out if the situation at home). I still remember very little from being at home during the holidays until the time I moved out at age 15. Over the years more things have come back and I do trust that as I need to know I will remember more, and try to not focus on it too much now, like I used to. As I have remembered more it had been hard and in many ways even though part of me wants to remember so much, I know there was a reason I shut it all out and as it had come back it has been hard to work through and in reality I do know it is good it doesn't all come at once, as I don't think I would have really been able to deal with it like that. For me it has been a process of learning to accept myself more and more, and as I have done that I have found it easier to accept and remember the things which have happened, but it is still a journey I am on and one I do trust I will come to the end of in the time when I am ready.

My husband in the other hand had a very different life experience and even had a memory of falling out of his cot when he was tiny and remembers things like what colour seats of a particular car they had when he was young are, but then he doesn't remember what he goes upstairs to get when he has to get things so we are all just very different and our memories like our minds all work in very different ways.

I hope you find the book helpful. It is not one I have read, but hope it can help you on your journey.

God bless.
Helen

 

[Emily18]

I have very few memories of my childhood (before the age of 12) as well and the ones I do have are more like a faded image. Much like the memory you described, I have one very clear memory of a quarry but I have no idea where it is or why I remember it.
I understand your feeling of frustration when it seems like others have so many more memories and everything for me is just blank.
I often don't know whether things I do remember actually happened or if they were just a dream I had. It makes me feel very out of touch with reality.

 

[Abstract]

Theoretically it isn't supposed to be possible to remember anything prior 4 or so but it seems many people do. I have quite a lot of memories from around 3, 4 and 5. Then almost nothing for a very long time. Anything from thereon is very unreal. It is a story about someone else and has no substance or order. Years and months and days are all muddled up higgledy piggledy. Eventually it gets a little clearer at times even though still very confused.

I have started building up more tolerance to it. It used to get right up my nose and still does a fair amount. Not having a past or any sense of continuity is not conducive to getting someone who feels like a figment of someone elses imagination to believe they are actually real. Let alone that past experiences are.

 

[Angelwings]

I am on the autism spectrum, so my memory is atypical. My first memory was formed prior to me turning 18 months old. We lived in an apartment, I remember the olive green kitchen, and I remember opening the back door, going down the stairs and going to the fence behind our apartments to see the dog, who licked me through the fence. Then the dogs owner came to the fence and my mom came down to get me and they talked. I know the memory was formed before I was 18 months old because we moved out of that apartment when I was 18 months.

As far as earliest memory of abuse? They are all jumbled in my mind. I remember a lot, but not in chronological order. I know it started before I was 6 because of the absence of a doll house that I got on my 6th birthday. In some of my memories, the doll house is there, in some, it is not. I black out in some memories, but thanks to having ASD I remember a lot of the abuse. My T says I have a photographic memory...I wonder about that sometimes.

 

[franciemarnie]

Ditto @Abstract. My understanding is our little brains aren't fully formed, especially to retain memories after we are born for several years.

Although I "remembered" being in the hospital a day after I was born from an early age. I cannot conceive how this memory could be real although there are stranger things that happen I suppose.

I remember - after that taking an overdose when I was two. I thought it was candy!! Harbinger of things to come. Probably the trauma of having my stomach pumped left an impression. I remember a couple other intensely felt moments before 5.

 

[macca]

I read something on child development that says the average person cannot remember much prior to age 4-5 years. That's where most of my early memories start from, though I have two memories from when I was 3 years. With me, I have several ages where I don't remember much, and some ages where I seem to remember lots, with no pattern to why. I remember quite a bit from 4-5, not much at 6 at all, quite a bit at 7, hardly anything at 8,9 and 10, then it kicks in better at 11.

 

[Overcast]

I have some memories of being young but do not know all of the details. My sister who doesn't suffer from PTSD doesn't have any memories when she was little. Everyone's memories are different. I have more detailed memories of some memories and less of others. Although I wish I could recollect the memories for ease of my therapy and reconciling my past with my present I don't think it is as important as working with what you know and going on from there. Writing with my nondominant hand has brought up memories that I had forgotten and EMDR has helped me recover other events.

 

[franciemarnie]

My brother has like ten interpersonal memories from birth to college. If that! There was nothing wrong with his brain IQ wise since he went to Harvard. But he dissociated severely I think, which - according to books I have read - is more typical of boys in trauma v girls who are biologically built to stay present and protect. (Little mothers in training.) I don't know how true it is statistically.

I read and reflect but I don't trust the scientific community as being the Lords of Irrefutable Truth, although certainly they've gotten some things right.

There are always exceptions. We are each originals!

 

[JarHed]

Very interesting thread.

I can remember age 3-4 but nothing prior. I'm sure we do remember even earlier than that but perhaps there's no need for the recall.

I find the statement in the previous post about 'the scientific community being the Lords of Irrefutable Truth' interesting and funny as well. I think many in that group probably think that as with any group of people. One has to remember that Einstein's theory's were 'irrefutable' till new information came forth and some were proven incorrect. As with many things it has to do with perception and belief. Ah, but that's fodder for another thread.

JarHed

 

[Leah123]

The average age of first memory is a little before five but varies quite a bit based on gender, culture, and other factors. Memories are more prevalent in people who have close long-term family and friend relationships as much of what we call memory is actually reinforced by shared anecdotes, photos, etc. Moves, disruptions, abuse, etc. all certainly can impact memory for better or worse. Mine, for example, are somewhat more fixed because I moved eight times in a six year span in my childhood/adolescence, so I can pin down memories fairly accurately based on which house I was living in, but recall much less, relatively, pre-move. I struggled for years with the number and type of memories I had, but found that it was unrewarding and pushing for memory can lead to blurred, corrupted, or even confabulated ones, so I gently advise folks worried about their memories to work with what they have and try to accept that "normal" for memories is very individual.