Attendance issues and possibly untreated ptsd

[aliveandwell]

I`m so scared for myself and so lacking direction.I m not too sure what to do anymore. I feel despair.

I`ve been at my job for almost 6 years now, and while my performance for the most part has been quite good, exceeding and meeting my key performance indicators. My absences have not been at a level that would have allowed me to get extra special awards, or be able to move into other roles, or get various benefits.

I personally feel like i may be suffering from ptsd but i havent brought it to my doctor`s attention yet. In fact, it hadnt even occured to me that that is what it could be, until i read the symptoms. I was also self medicating for as long as i can remember but just lately have been abstinent (ie over 1 year from drugs, and would have been 6 months continuous from alcohol but i lapsed over the past two months, and went from drinking once on the weekend, to drinking every other day. But i have since stopped, it`s been two weeks. Anyhow, i just returned to work after a short term leave so that i could deal with the alcohol addiction and anxiety issues, and it was like as soon as i got back, slowly but surely, i ended up in my old drinking patterns. Anyways, i nipped it in the bud, thankfully but now i have missed work again after two months of being back and my hopes of regularly attending and progressing forward have been dashed. I feel like for as long as i can remember i have had attendance issues, even as far back as highschool. It plays on my confidence level. Furthermore, that`s also when alot of traumatic incidents, and situations that caused me a lot of distress happened, and i never got treated for it, some related to work.

Now, i don`t want to give myself excuses, but i just trying to make sense of why attendance issues have always been an issue and more importantly i just want to get help, to move on with my life, hopefully find a carreer direction, some goals, treatment.

Sick of living the way i have been living, with the fear, anxiety, intrusive thoughts, hypervigilance. it`s driving me up the wall.. I thought it would go away once the self medicating was gone but it hasn`t. Maybe it`s paws, maybe drug induced brain injury, maybe im just driving myself crazy.. Who the hell knows anymore! I just know something is not right. And i have a lot of good days too, relatively symptom free. I just never know when it will strike... that`s what makes it the hardest, and drives the anxiety, and stress even higher.

I will be asking my employer for an accomodation, to be able to work from home and have a steady shift, because as of now, it`s all over the place, and sometimes its the getting out of my house that`s the hardest, and onto public transport etc.. and if they cant accomodate that maybe a leave until i get things more settled..

Sigh
Has anyone else had issues with attendance, or have ptsd from situations they experienced several years back in childhood or adolescence -- were you able to overcome it, how do you cope- (question mark)

 

[EveHarrington]

Hi, and welcome to the forum.

I think it would be a good idea to seek out professional help so that you can determine exactly what you're dealing with. An official diagnosis will possibly be helpful if you need accommodations from your employer.

There are so many ways to cope with PTSD/anxiety. (Much more than can be stated here.) Are there particular symptoms you need help with?

I am a CSA survivor and a high proportion of the members here have childhood trauma.

Yes, people do recover from PTSD and symptoms go into remission, but at that point many leave the forum. (I say this as replies will be skewed in one direction toward "healing but not yet recovered".)

 

[aliveandwell]

Hi Eve,

Yes, agreed about the professional help for the reasons you mentioned.

And it is true, it is a very broad subject... guess i was just looking to hear some success stories from people with similar pasts. And looks like i've met a survivor so that is always a comfort.

good point, about those who remit, possibly leaving the forum and therefore skewing the results.

I think the most troubling aspects for me are the dissassociation, and intrusive thoughts, and the fear response i feel even in just walking down the street, seeing people. Some days i feel generally fine, but some days, i find it hard to leave my home, and dont want to be around people. When i have pushed myself to go and be around people when feeling this way, sometimes it has turned out okay, and sometimes i feel so stuck within myself, anxious, and just overwhelmed. I dont like it and then to have to speak with clients like this as well, repeatedly, it's just too much sometimes. Just anticipating now that i may feel this way, or feel out of sorts, gets me worried, and panicky. Its a vicious cycle that i want to eradicate from my brain lol. With that being said, cutting out the drugs and alcohol has helped a significant bit. I also exercise regularly, do some volunteer work, and participate in communities like these. So it's improving..

Thanks for chiming in, welcoming me, and making some helpful suggestions.