Avoidance Of The Deep Dark Issues

[Mokz]

How do you get yourself to stop avoiding the deep dark issues and to actually just get on with it so you can heal and move on. I was thinking of writing a list of what I find I avoid the most and telling my T to stop playing good cop and start playing bad cop so I actually just deal with it. I don't know any other way. I know they say that it takes time to heal and you have to be gentle with yourself but to be honest I have been dealing with this for far too long now, I just want it over.

Any suggestions?

 

[cherryblossom]

Any type of 'healing' does take time and patience, but equally you are right that you might have to be 'pushed'. I'm pretty sure that most trauma sufferers would rather avoid talking about their trauma. Talking about it hurts - so natural reaction is to avoid it. Any trauma therapist should be aware of this, and push you - at the right time and right pace. It's not going to be a miracle solution that happens overnight, and completely re-traumatising you by pushing you too far is not the answer. Between you and your therapist, you should be able to find a happy medium (okay, it's not 'happy' but hopefully you know what I mean!).

I'm generally a tightly closed book, but equally my therapist has recognised this in me. I have explained to her that I need to be pushed, in order to open up, and talk about what's bothering me. She also didn't need me to tell her that, but my confirmation has made it easier for her to 'push' and me to understand what she is doing and why. If you have seen your therapist for a long time, and he/she still hasn't worked out that you need to be pushed, or simply doesn't bother to push you - then I think you seriously need to either re-evaluate your therapeutic relationship or find another therapist. It can be a bit frustrating to spend half an hour or so of your (precious) therapy session reviewing things, but it really does pay off in the coming weeks. A chance to chat about how you think you are doing, how your therapist thinks you are doing. What you might need in future sessions, how they see things for future sessions etc, etc. Equally there are many therapists out there, who will happily sit and listen to whatever and take your money, without actually 'helping' at all.

Sometimes (a lot of times for me!) it's hard to express what is going on for you out loud. I actually think it's okay to write things down and hand your therapist a piece of paper, for them to read. It opens the lines of communication. (Slightly off topic but relevant - there is currently a government health ad/campaign about bowel cancer. The 'tag-line' said by the doctor actor is "it doesn't matter how you tell me- just tell me". ) We are often too embarrassed or ashamed to talk about all sorts of things, but are doctors and therapist are pretty un-shockable. Find a way, any way, to open up to your therapist. Good luck!

 

[Abstract]

Boy oh boy. I am dealing with this at the moment. I dissociate a lot in t and can't think of the issues I should be discussing. I try really hard and get frustrated with myself.

My t is has certainly turned bad cop and has laid down the law and told me in the tsrictest way that he does not elieve I cannot speak or find the thoughts. To stop trying and start doing! and a lot more than that. Am still in shock.

I would definately say though that for this we do need someone to at least ask questions and give us a push. That there needs to be kindness and understanding but with a firm hand.

My t also always reminds me why we are there and what we want to acheive.
She often asks me what I am there for and i have to repeat my goals.

In the mean time I have to try to find the nerve to go back to t next week. :-o

Good luck!

 

[ronin47]

I like your idea of making a list of the things you don't like to talk about but want to. Lists can be very helpful, at least at first. There's a sort of detachment about them that makes them less troubling.

I don't think it's constructive for anyone, especially someone with PTSD who struggles with feeling safe, to "push or be pushed" during therapy. I know for me my mind had done such a good job of blocking out my trauma that I didn't even begin to consider it trauma or abuse until after some time of working on the "littler" things with my therapist. But at the same time, I can't deny that I didn't really start to improve until I found a T who was willing to try to get me to push the limits of my comfort zone, just a bit at a time. I think the key is taking it step by step, one level at a time, and working you way toward that deepest, darkest feeling at a pace you are more or less comfortable with but always be moving forward rather than stagnating.

 

[Ron]

My T said to talk to trusted loved ones about my truama.. It hurts to do so, but when it's over a weight is lifted off me. You have the right to pick the right people. I would never just tell anybody about my trauma. I have the power to choose. My brother didn't understand and sort of brushed it away. It's no wonder, nothing like a trauma even remotely touched him or his life. Talking about it and writing about it will do it for me. I am coming out of denial and becoming someone real,, not false,( pretending it never happened or minimizing it to almost nothing).

 

[Tweedlebug]

I just made a list! A timeline so to speak to (maybe) give to my therapist.

I find I am just not willing to talk. I thought if I gave the list it would help my therapist put the pieces together.
When I do start to open up my thoughts are jumbled and difficult to follow.

Not sure if I will use it. It makes me feel better to see others are thinking along the same lines.

 

[Ted Moen]

I think that when you are ready and you have found a therapist you feel safe with it will all come out. In the meantime, learning about ptsd and your specific symptoms and coping techniques for each symptom is very important because because when you are ready to open up it will be very intense and you will need your coping techniques. I was in my 10th year of therapy and my 6th therapist before I found one I could really open up with.

Ted

 

[Mokz]

I found that I just blurted it all out, fact after fact of what has happened to me over the last 10years. Made a timeline of what happened but I have real trouble going in depth with anything on the timeline.

A few things I have talked about but then have not touched on them again. It is like after so many years of shutting the feelings out I can no talk about it unless I am blunt just listing the facts. If I try and push myself I either totally shut down or make light of the situation pretend I don't care and try and make jokes.

I am struggling greatly with this. I want to be about to just let go, talk about them in depth with emotions so I can heal. I am not a fan of taking my time. I feel like I have lost too much of my life to this already and don't want to lose anymore. Until I actually stop avoiding the issues though I will never move forward.