Big break from therapy coming up

[LucyLou]

Had session this morning and it was ok...We spoke about the house move etc and then it came up about her being off next week, a week in and then because she's on hol then I'm on hol...there will be a 4 week gap in sessions, she asked how I felt about it and I just burst in to tears she asked if it felt like abandonment/rejection but I don't even think that's it. I think it feels harder because it's like, what if things pop up and she isn't here....she's my only IRL sounding board, that knows everything and I don't have to be worried about what I say. I mean, I do have 1 really close friend that knows it all but it's not the same. It sometimes gets so hard to carry everything around by myself....I know I have these groups and I honestly thanks God for that but it terms of support IRL I'm so limited and its hard

 

[Movingforward10]

Breaks when we feel like this is super hard. I would count down the days and minutes. It was very difficult.
.what helped me was:
Keeping busy. Trying to fill time with activities I enjoyed.
Journalling.
Coming on here.
Reading up about how others manage breaks.
Re-reading the emails she sent me.
Looking at her photo on her website.

Others recommended things like (which I never felt brave enough to ask):
Voice recordings of her
A transitional object.

The odd time she let me email her if I needed, when it was a difficult time - this wasn't always and she would have boundaires on it.

People also say to look at the positives (which is so hard to do when this feels barely possible to get through), but being able to manage during this break shows you so much about yourself.
You can put into action all the things you have learnt about self soothing, about managing triggers, about autonomy.
So, whilst really hard, sometimes that's where we can grow.

 

[Friday]

My faaaaaavorite T leaves the country a few months a year, sometimes a couple few times a year.

I learned to love/adore/bliss out in those times because

1) He’d been doing that for 20+ years. He was coming back. So I had someone I trusted to pick back up with / dive back in with.

2) I learned to use those weeks/months “off” in very different/useful ways. Like using the weekly time for therapy-adjacent activities; Journaling the week prior. Highlighting issues. Asking questions; companion therapy type things, like horses / art / sport; IRL support building activities, so he wasn’t my only safety net. <<< SUPER BADASS TRAINING WHEELS for not being in therapy, when I’m still all f*ckered up, having reliable breaks I would need to direct “elsewhere”.

3) MASSIVE “money back / free money” thing… by setting aside what I would have been paying him to use for ^^^those^^^ things. As well as treats, etc.

2/3) His first few weeks back he only charged half, because it took him a little while to get his head back in the game / first world stuff (he was a disaster response trauma therapist in the armpits and assholes of the world; where police states, torture, famine, plague, cartels, religious extremists, etc. were “normal” and now??? On top of that??? Earthquake, fire, flood, war, etc. So he didn’t charge his “transitional clients” full price, whilst his head/heart were still reeling with the safe roads & clean water & clocks & most babies aren’t rape-babies in-this-country thing. <<< People adapt VERY QUICKLY to things going horribly wrong, but? It takes some seeeerious time / everything feels surreal when things are “good”). His stateside clients? Nearly all police/fire/war-correspondents/etc. who are living in the first world, but dealing with the worst desperation and darkness, and trying to reconcile that, with coming home to happy people living good lives, day in & out. I was a wacky client of his, as I did what he did. Dipping in and out of darkness not on a daily basis, but in big chunks. We laughed, a lot, about how that gearshift grinds and sticks, moving from one world to another. (Hint: The HILARIOUS mass grave story? NOT PTA-friendly!!! Shit Shit Shit!!! WRONG audience!).

^^^
Times away? Are breaking routine, which makes PTSD go all clusterf*ck. UNLESS? You deliberately USE that time away to other purpose. IME/IMO. Find the amazing, the strength, the “I’m soooo glad I was able to…”, etc. during those times.