Birthdays And Hopelessness

[canucklady]

It is my bday today, makes me sad, am 38 years old and feel like havent accomplished much. Have been in therapy trying to deal with trauma that happened 10 years ago, feel like have wasted so many years of my life. especially since i so much wanted to have kids of my own and now that doesnt seem to be possible. Makes me sad, very sad and alone.

 

[TLight]

Oh..........I feel for you and want so badly to say Happy B-Day, but that is probably not what you want to hear.

I know, I've been in that place for years and years. I'm now 45, with someone, and knowing what happiness feels like for the first time.

I'm such your brain is trying to tell you that you haven't accomplished much, all brains do that. But truly look at what you've done. Especially if you've survived trauma and have been dealing with its affects. I'm sure you'll find out on some level that you are phenomial and have accomplished feats others will never comprehend....

When we are mean to ourselves, the angels cry. Don't make your angels cry.....

 

[SunnyBrookFarm]

I'm 37 and can relate to what you are saying. But first your time in therapy is not "wasted" - it is time that you have spent taking care of YOU, trying to heal from your trauma. Remember, there is no timeframe for recovery or improving of symptoms - remind yourself of that please.

I'm so sorry for you losses - I truly am - but please try to find something to do for yourself today - a kind gesture to yourself for all of your hard work.

I really like what TLight said about being mean to ourselves and making the angels cry - I had never heard that before and now will remind myself of that.

 

[a3a2]

I ache for you. I was beating myself up a few weeks ago as I turned 40, for all the expectations I had not met. I felt like a total failure. Than another member pointed out that I was abusing myself, as I had been taught to do. Canucklady, I would encourage you to think about how you would treat someone else who confided these things in you, and then treat yourself as kind and as gently.

 

[Deleted member 541]

Well,

I want to say HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!! Now get you head out of your butt, and go out and celebrate the fact that you are still alive, and able to do things. Celebrate today, like there will be no tomorrow.

Happy birthday, and have a good day, even though you feel like crap.....

 

[reallydown]

Hi CL,

I can relate to this too...just not sure if it bothers me more that I haven't lived up to social expectations or my own standards...probably the latter. You've made it thus far. May not be much but it's something. Hang in there.

 

[anni]

Hi CL,

I missed your birthday, but Happy Belated!

I've had birthdays like that, too. It's a dismal kind of day when you feel like that, isn't it? I've been lucky, lucky, lucky in having had some years of solidly great therapy. I have a bottom line on birthdays now that as trite as it sounds I'm alive and that is SOMETHING. My perpetrator didn't wish for me to be. He is dead and I am not. He didn't win in the end and because I'm alive I won something.

I'm 51, and get to reinvent myself now. Try to look at the past as how you got to be this much stronger, smarter and better than you were before. You are, too, or would not have even gotten as far as this forum. It also sounds trite to say age doesn't matter because it sounds like people just making themselves feel better about maybe having 'wasted' time. From where I am now, I can at least tell you that this isn't true. Life is life until it's over, and filling in the spaces NOW is what counts.

I hope you had some really decadent cake, and if you didn't you should maybe go get yourself a belated one and indulge. :)

Take care,

Anni

 

[onebravegirl]

We live in a stupid world that tells women that life is over after 25. The world can bit my cellulite ass. My boobs may sag from breast feeding, sometimes I think I could braid them if I wanted too. SO what, My husband says they are softer. He likes the back end of me just fine too!
Lets face it 25 doesn't have much of a clue of what life is really about anyway. Instead of celebrating your birth, celebrate your Life. I'm 38 and I wouldn't go back for anything. I finally can sit back in the saddle(on my padded ass) and enjoy the ride. Ok, well...I miss my perky boobs a bit...:dontknow:
She Cat said it way better than I can. Your not dead yet. You are now in the Sophisticated stage of life, is that so bad?
O

 

[anni]

Oh good god that is wayyyy too funny!

WE all miss our perky, 25 year old boobs. I keep saying now I have to roll them up like socks and stuff the poor things into their homes for the day. I wouldn't go back for anything, either, though.

Yes, whatever one's visceral achievements, whatever degrees one has obtained ( or not),homes owned ( or not), cudos for whatever under the belt ( or not ), we're just plain here on the planet. Given what all of us have been through, that is what observing a birthday has to mean. It's a really nice thing.

Here's to whomever invented the push-up bra,

Anni

 

[2quilt]

If there is chocolate, there is hope.

 

[anni]

We live not at all far from HERSHEY, Pa. It's PTSD Menopause heaven. They have a chocolate-factory TOUR!

 

[onebravegirl]

We live not at all far from HERSHEY, Pa. It's PTSD Menopause heaven. They have a chocolate-factory TOUR!

I live a few blocks from a Cadbury Chocolate factory and there are days when the air is so thick with the smell of caramel and chocolate that you can almost taste it.
O