Session this morning and it was ok. We spoke about the money on the pillow thing and she did her best to tell me it didn't make me complicit in any of it. She asked a lot of questions, it was hard and I just went so quiet and like my mind felt blank/didn't know what to say and I hate getting like that in therapy because it feels like a waste. Is anyone else like this?
Blank in therapy
- Post starter LucyLou
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Rose White
VIP Member
First of all, well done talking about the money on the pillow thing!
Second, absolutely relate to feeling like therapy was a waste because I sat in silence most the time. But it’s not. Showing up and staying present in session is how you learn to do that for yourself in real life. Sometimes we have to have space to be able to just be, without compulsively explaining ourselves or thinking of solutions
Second, absolutely relate to feeling like therapy was a waste because I sat in silence most the time. But it’s not. Showing up and staying present in session is how you learn to do that for yourself in real life. Sometimes we have to have space to be able to just be, without compulsively explaining ourselves or thinking of solutions
Movingforward10
Sponsor
Totally.
I think it's a sign of how overwhelming these things are. How getting words out about all this, when there haven't been words for decades, is really really hard. You have to unlearn silence and learn talking about things that hold so much pain, shame, etc etc etc.
It's a hard, longz slow process.but so great you are doing it.
And also, maybe reframe the silence. It's all part of the journey for healing. Whilst it is hugely frustrating and can feel like youre not using the session, you are in fact using it.
I think it's a sign of how overwhelming these things are. How getting words out about all this, when there haven't been words for decades, is really really hard. You have to unlearn silence and learn talking about things that hold so much pain, shame, etc etc etc.
It's a hard, longz slow process.but so great you are doing it.
And also, maybe reframe the silence. It's all part of the journey for healing. Whilst it is hugely frustrating and can feel like youre not using the session, you are in fact using it.
arfie
Diamond Member
kudos on working through the one issue. encouragement to approach the other with patience worthy of following up the first issue.
i used to carry my therapy journal into therapy with me to help me through those awkward silences. sometimes it helped me remember what i wanted to cover. other times it was a place to make notes of the points the therapist brought up to but i was unable to respond in that session.
be gentle with yourself and patient with the process. "time has no meaning in the healing process." ~algonquin proverb
i used to carry my therapy journal into therapy with me to help me through those awkward silences. sometimes it helped me remember what i wanted to cover. other times it was a place to make notes of the points the therapist brought up to but i was unable to respond in that session.
be gentle with yourself and patient with the process. "time has no meaning in the healing process." ~algonquin proverb
- Moderator
- #5
Friday
VIP Member
There were a couple few times I woke up to a roll of cash left “behind”. It didn’t even occur to me, the first few times, that the person I’d slept with the night before had such a low opinion of themselves, they thought I was a pro, to take them to bed. Poor damn bastards. I’ve only ever slept with people I wanted to. A few rare times I had contact info, so I rang them to let them know. In retrospect? Hilarity ensued. At the time? I was just confused. They were more confused. Later, of course, I realized their self esteem sucked, as only a pro would pick them up???. Nah, lad. I didn’t take you to bed as a job. But I’ll go away, just the same. As one doesn’t actually pay whores for sex, but to go away, after. Great night, plus a grand gift? Done. Fine with me. Sad for you. Hopefully they someday realized people would like them for them, and not just their wallets. I don’t do, didn’t do, transactional sex on purpose. I f*cked who I wanted, when I wanted, themselves willing.
Was I complicit, because they paid me? Complicit in WHAT? Accepting money? Money for sex? Having sex? I didn’t ask for it. I found the bloke sexy, and we had a great night. Then they left money? Um. Dude. You forgot your cash. What do you mean it’s for me? Se qua? Kore wa? Ich weiss nicht. Weird. Shrug. Later…. Oh. Oooooooooh. Oh, you thought I was a pro. Poor thing.
How about all the times I’ve been raped? Did I ask for it? Or being spit on after? Or given a sandwich? Or a trinket flung at me? Or pissed on? Ditto… NOPE!
If someone is raping me? “Paying” me doesn’t make it sex. It’s still rape.
If I’ve taken someone delicious to bed, and enjoyed the hell out of them? Paying me doesn’t make me a pro.
It just doesn’t.
What SOMEONE ELSE DOES? Only tells you about them. Not about you.
***
As far as going mum in therapy? Cha. Some things are too complicated for words. For now. The simplicity & streamlining comes in time. With practice. Going mum isn’t wrong, it’s indicative of things being complicated.
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RainbowSearchParty
Gold Member
It's not a waste. But when my mind blanks out completely, it is a sign that I'm totally overwhelmed by the topic and not feeling safe, and need to step back a bit instead of just barreling forward with it.
