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BPD Border line personality

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you can move from having a BPD DX just by working at hour you think with a very very very good therapist (thats key), someone who understand the concept of splitting we engage in, and how to deal with it, and someone who is excellent in cognative therapy,
I just wanted to echo this. I always forget that splitting is the main manifestation of the push-pull that happens in interpersonal stuff with BPD, and it's also something that is very straightforward to identify and take control over. Thanks for bringing it to the conversation.

CBT is good, DBT is better which is part of and inside of CBT so I suppose have a therapist specializing in CBT is good.
Both DBT and CBT are forms of cognitive therapy. So is ACT. They are all designed as systems to address feelings through thoughts, and they provide methods and have measurable outcomes. This is as opposed to psychotherapy, which is much more free-form and much less directed. You are very right to point out that DBT was developed specifically for BPD by a person with BPD - but, because of that, sometimes it can be hard to find it practiced in a more flexible manner than the 'traditional' DBT model. So, for people in that situation, any available kind of cognitive therapy (CBT, modified DBT, ACT) is still going to be better than psychotherapy.

I started this discussion and now it's really bothering me to the point of tears!
Can you say more about what's bothering you - what thoughts you are having?

Suggestions for stopping S/I thoughts appreciated.
Asking for clarification - do you mean self injury or suicidal ideation?
 
Getting a pet, visiting neighbors, going to a social club for Seniors, having a best friend who just happens to be PTSD and joining a 12 Step program. They have them for just about every issue that can come up in your life, and I go to Overeaters Anonymous. That is the one that helps me. They also even have online meetings, if meeting in person is too difficult for you.
 
@joeylittle bothering me? Just the fact that I have been dx and what a struggle it is. My Aunt has it, has for years. I never wanted to be "like her" in that way, but here I am "that way". It makes me worry more what people must think about me. I feel like a horrible person already. I feel like this proves that I am, that there isn't much hope for me. That I may really lose everything. Most family and all my aunts friends have nothing to do with her anymore and its related to BPD behaviors. Im just scared. Also I don't like the examples being pointed out at me, BUT i can see where it's helpful. I wont say i hate anyone, i don't think i idealize either...but then again maybe i do.
 
trust, is near impossible for me, this time around, I saw people who treated me in such a way I had no reason to distrust them, and it was all for me, no string, no coercian, demands, etc. so when I got referred to my new therapist I decided to try blind trust first, and fight my instincts. So far, its been hard but I am in a better place for this crisis.
 
I feel like this proves that I am, that there isn't much hope for me. That I may really lose everything. Most family and all my aunts friends have nothing to do with her anymore and its related to BPD behaviors. Im just scared.
You aren't doomed. I can really understand how, with such a strong example of how your family responded to your Aunt, that you'd be scared. But you aren't your aunt. Just the fact that you are asking questions like this thread, and figuring out how to tolerate the strong urges to self-harm - that all speaks really, really well of your future-focus and desire to move through this instead of getting stuck in it.

My best self-injury distraction tool has always been to either shove my head under a cold faucet, or if it's really bad, step into a cold shower. I'd do that to shock my system back to a more controlled state. Then, whatever kind of distraction I could handle. Usually easy things that were repetitive, like washing dishes, or throwing things for the cats, or knitting.
 
My Aunt has it, has for years. I never wanted to be "like her" in that way, but here I am "that way". It makes me worry more what people must think about me. I feel like a horrible person already. I feel like this proves that I am, that there isn't much hope for me. That I may really lose everything. Most family and all my aunts friends have nothing to do with her anymore and its related to BPD behaviors.

Ok, first, you arent like your Aunt, you are you. You have the abilty to have different behaviors, act different, go through different therapies, heal differently, etc. You are a completely different person with a completely different brain.

And if your family turns there back on you, its hurts but you'll live. My family has for a completely different reason not connected to BPD, and yes it hurts but im still here trying to get better. They are just assholes and im better without them.

Also I don't like the examples being pointed out at me, BUT i can see where it's helpful. I wont say i hate anyone, i don't think i idealize either...but then again maybe i do.

Thats one symptom of 9. You dont have to have that one symptom, i dont.

Here are all 9:

Borderline personality disorder Symptoms - Mayo Clinic

The mayo clinic also has this to say:

If you have borderline personality disorder, don't get discouraged. Many people with this disorder get better over time with treatment and can learn to live satisfying lives.

Borderline personality disorder - Mayo Clinic

This is NOT a "doomed" diagnosis at all. It is the most common disorder thats along side PTSD, Ive noticed a lot of symptoms cross, and therapy and, for me, medication, has really helped a lot.

Though there are many therapies, DBT has been the most helpful to me and in the book its advised it was specifically made for BPD.

Dead Link Removed

You are here, actively asking questions which is wonderful. That is you trying to get better rather then allowing BPD to run you, which is what it sounds like your Aunt did as BPD does have some hard to be around behaviors in it at times but you are here trying to gain information and theres a ton to be gained and things you can do to help BPD and get better and live that fullfilling and satifying life!

And you are NOT a bad person for having a mental disorder. What would you tell me, or anyone if they said they were a bad person for having PTSD? Maybe that its not their fault they had trauma and its due to that trauma? Its the same for BPD.

The best thing that helped self injury, for me in my early 20s, was holding ice cubes. It helped for a few years and I was doing it often, about 8 times a day at the time. It did eventually stop working due to needing more pain but thats sort of my thing. It has helped many on the board.

I havent tried JLs ice water head dunk or cold shower but hey, anything that will work, right?

You are NOT doomed because of BPD! You can work with it and get better! :hug:

ETA: Also if I have the urge to cut around people, and I do this in therapy a lot, i squeeze my hands to make my fingernails dig into my hands. It hurts, i dont break the skin, and no one ever notices you're doing it. My therapist does but no one else does.
 
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Ten years ago I would have fit seven of the criteria listed above. Now, only two. It all can really change. But the unbearableness of the emotions becomes easier to bear. What used to be so extreme lessens, and what I used to be able to barely contain if at all, seldom surfaces.

Most of those changes happened without therapy. If I had been in a place were I had access, I'm sure I could have moved along faster than I did.
 
Just a disclaimer - I dont have a BPD diagnoses and it wouldn't be an accurate fit. I however had personality issues relating to some of these things and have read up a lot about this stuff.

A personality disorder diagnoses does not describe you as a person. A BPD person doesn;t always look like this *. It describes a group of possible behaviours or relationships with yourself and others. Your core self is something beyond this. If your aunt had BPD and you have it it doesnt make you are her or mean you will behave like her. There are many criteria and many ways someone can display those criteria. What it does mean is that you have problems with the way you interact with yourself or others, Those can be treated and helped. BPD and trauma are both treatable. Recovery statistics are good for treated BPD when the person can stay in treatment.

Self harm is one of the not so good ways you have a relationship with yourself. Probably because others didnt treat you well.

One last thing I will add though (as someone badly damaged by conventional CBT) is that even though DBT and ACT may fall under the broader umbrella of cognitive therapies I don't believe conventional CBT is a good enough option or a help for certain situations and the research suggests that too. Key issues usually associated with BPD are emotion regulation and some therapies are better suited to that than others. Shame and self harm can backfire with that too. Not saying no one with BPD or complex trauma would benefit from conventional CBT but I think its tricky territory. Unless its a great therapist using a wider pallet of skills. Just my take.
 
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