I am putting this here because for me it is huge.
I have had so much trouble with hotlines because in the past they haven't been very helpful. Now, where I live all the hotlines get directed to one place. They won't let you talk. If you ask to be allowed to get something off your chest or ask for coping skills they tell you they aren't allowed to do that. They are only there to give you referrals, and the places they give you referrals too only give out referrals and so on and so on.
So tonight, my husband and I were talking and we got on some touchy subjects, he brought up some things that started a rush of memories and panic. I told him we had to stop I told him bringing up a painful memory about the last time I spoke to my mom when she was alive. Lets just say that she was out of her mind on meth and who knows what else.. Well, I'll back track a little bit.
I think I made him mad earlier when the told me today that he knew someone who told him today that he would give me a job. I think he was trying to be encouraging by saying that he thought I would be good at it and that I would really like the people. I didn't answer. I didn't know what to say, I have been so symptomatic with increasing frequency lately that I don't see myself able to to it right now. Told me again, and once again I didn't know what to say so I just shut down.
Sorry this is getting long. So he started yelling at me and of course the emotional pain plus anxiety was getting to me so I went outside and tried calling the hotline. I didn't know the number off hand so I called 411 information. (Basically, the operator for those outside the U.S.) One of the options they listed besides the one that all hotlines lead too was one @Simply Simon suggested to me. I went with that option. Well, I waited on hold for what seemed for ever then I got a message saying since no one was available they were routing my call. They connected me to Boystown hotline. Someplace that is out of my state.
I was skeptical not sure I even reached a crisis line at first. Instead of making me feel like I was being shut down right away the woman kept prompting me to to talk in a conversational manner. So completely unlike the clinical name, location, ect. that I normally get. She was just so warm and caring and had such a gentle nature to her voice.
She just let me talk was was non judgmental. She was very supportive. She said most of the things I can expect to here on this forum, but it was different actually hearing it in someones voice rather than typed out. I was exactly what I needed. It was what I have been craving so long.
I guess the biggest thing was she reminded me of what I always imagined how a loving mother would be if her daughter was hurting. What I longed for so badly as a child. As silly as it might sound, I feel like a little kid who just got big wish fulfilled.I hope this woman knows that she is truly and angel.
Anyways. I feel like i actually have somewhere to turn, and I am little bit less fearful for it.
I have had so much trouble with hotlines because in the past they haven't been very helpful. Now, where I live all the hotlines get directed to one place. They won't let you talk. If you ask to be allowed to get something off your chest or ask for coping skills they tell you they aren't allowed to do that. They are only there to give you referrals, and the places they give you referrals too only give out referrals and so on and so on.
So tonight, my husband and I were talking and we got on some touchy subjects, he brought up some things that started a rush of memories and panic. I told him we had to stop I told him bringing up a painful memory about the last time I spoke to my mom when she was alive. Lets just say that she was out of her mind on meth and who knows what else.. Well, I'll back track a little bit.
I think I made him mad earlier when the told me today that he knew someone who told him today that he would give me a job. I think he was trying to be encouraging by saying that he thought I would be good at it and that I would really like the people. I didn't answer. I didn't know what to say, I have been so symptomatic with increasing frequency lately that I don't see myself able to to it right now. Told me again, and once again I didn't know what to say so I just shut down.
Sorry this is getting long. So he started yelling at me and of course the emotional pain plus anxiety was getting to me so I went outside and tried calling the hotline. I didn't know the number off hand so I called 411 information. (Basically, the operator for those outside the U.S.) One of the options they listed besides the one that all hotlines lead too was one @Simply Simon suggested to me. I went with that option. Well, I waited on hold for what seemed for ever then I got a message saying since no one was available they were routing my call. They connected me to Boystown hotline. Someplace that is out of my state.
I was skeptical not sure I even reached a crisis line at first. Instead of making me feel like I was being shut down right away the woman kept prompting me to to talk in a conversational manner. So completely unlike the clinical name, location, ect. that I normally get. She was just so warm and caring and had such a gentle nature to her voice.
She just let me talk was was non judgmental. She was very supportive. She said most of the things I can expect to here on this forum, but it was different actually hearing it in someones voice rather than typed out. I was exactly what I needed. It was what I have been craving so long.
I guess the biggest thing was she reminded me of what I always imagined how a loving mother would be if her daughter was hurting. What I longed for so badly as a child. As silly as it might sound, I feel like a little kid who just got big wish fulfilled.I hope this woman knows that she is truly and angel.
Anyways. I feel like i actually have somewhere to turn, and I am little bit less fearful for it.
