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Not without chemical distance... Or rage. If I'm seriously pissed off I can talk.
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Can’t speak.
- Post starter BoN-bOn
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Deleted member 37474
I will start to say something and then panic/stop myself and say, “I can’t tell you that.” Then she will say, that’s okay, you don’t have to say anything. (Emdr work) and then I find myself asking some question about what I was afraid to say and her answer typically makes me feel better about it.
Last week, I started to read part of my online diary to her because I had summarized my last emdr session there. Then I got to my writing about the fourth set and couldn’t bring myself to read “the fourth set can go f*ck itself.” Whatever I did read to my T was enough for her to bring up... “I sense that you are feeling angry.”
It is so hard to talk about certain things. I feel like my brain has some sort of guard dog that comes out unnoticed and then knocks me down when I start to become too vulnerable.
Last week, I started to read part of my online diary to her because I had summarized my last emdr session there. Then I got to my writing about the fourth set and couldn’t bring myself to read “the fourth set can go f*ck itself.” Whatever I did read to my T was enough for her to bring up... “I sense that you are feeling angry.”
It is so hard to talk about certain things. I feel like my brain has some sort of guard dog that comes out unnoticed and then knocks me down when I start to become too vulnerable.
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- #16
BoN-bOn
Gold Member
It’s funny that you mention vulnerability @TexCat , my T has sent me Brene Brown’s ted talks on vulnerability. She makes it sound so simple, yet it can be so hard for those of us who were once TOO vulnerable. I completely understand & im so glad to hear that I’m not the only one. I have a guard dog too.
Thank you. Maybe you will get there too @BookerNoe ...if not even if you can shed some tears alone that has to be helpful in getting it all out too. :hug:
Lol sorry that was a bit harsh... lol. I am just really struggling with the same issue at the moment and it would be helpful if I could talk about it..
- Post starter
- #18
BoN-bOn
Gold Member
Lol I knew you meant well. :)
Friday I picture you being very vocal for some reason. :singing: You’re always so friendly & funny on here. Of course l guess I’m friendly & funny too everywhere else in my life...just not on the big couch. lol
MyWillow
Platinum Member
Because I am a scientist I find it helpful to understand why....stops me being quite so hard on myself. It’s about Broca’s area (centre for speech) shutting down. Bessel van der Kolk talks and writes about it a lot. Worth googling if it interests you. But the important thing is it’s totally normal.
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- #20
- Post starter
- #21
Nope.
Mostly not in the darn mood for zillion explanations once I -get- ready to speak, as in not giving a damn anymore and/or pissed off enough.
In part trying to write things down as a rant to deal with that one. Figures years through, still not ready, and still not in the mood.
Mostly not in the darn mood for zillion explanations once I -get- ready to speak, as in not giving a damn anymore and/or pissed off enough.
In part trying to write things down as a rant to deal with that one. Figures years through, still not ready, and still not in the mood.
A few different scenarios were happening with me -
1) I often had no thoughts. I was frozen and shut down a lot of the time, even when I wasn't dissociating. There was nothing in my head! She would ask questions and often all I could conjure up were very short answers. Big kudos to her for limitless patience.
2) Writing when I wasn't in therapy and when the train was running full speed helped a lot. We could then discuss what I wrote when I was outside of therapy and thinking more freely.
3) The blank slate/non-transparent front was bothersome. She had pretty poor boundaries and shared more than most but I still had problems with the imbalance. I could ask her anything but felt I should respect her privacy. She admitted that there wasn't much we could do about this.
4) There were times when I was an absolute chatterbox, but usually associated with something big, like when I lost my job.
Good luck! I don't think there's any one path for people but time, safety, trust and vulnerability are all the big buzz words.
1) I often had no thoughts. I was frozen and shut down a lot of the time, even when I wasn't dissociating. There was nothing in my head! She would ask questions and often all I could conjure up were very short answers. Big kudos to her for limitless patience.
2) Writing when I wasn't in therapy and when the train was running full speed helped a lot. We could then discuss what I wrote when I was outside of therapy and thinking more freely.
3) The blank slate/non-transparent front was bothersome. She had pretty poor boundaries and shared more than most but I still had problems with the imbalance. I could ask her anything but felt I should respect her privacy. She admitted that there wasn't much we could do about this.
4) There were times when I was an absolute chatterbox, but usually associated with something big, like when I lost my job.
Good luck! I don't think there's any one path for people but time, safety, trust and vulnerability are all the big buzz words.
- Post starter
- #24
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