Can Anyone Relate?

[Friday]

There's a great quote from heaven knows where:

"Being needed. Almost as good as being wanted."

It's rare to be wanted. Even more rare for us to want the person wanting us. My ex wants me. He can go climb a rope (tie it round his neck and jump, the child abusing bastard). Most people I have a lot less animosity for. I'm simply not interested. They want me, I don't want them. A lot of others I'm sure I'm simply clueless about. From past experience. Meanwhile, shoe on the other foot... There's people I want, for various reasons (crushing on, smitten, friendship, mentorship, confidante, etc,) that are the same level of disinterested in me, or clueless as to my wants, that I am in other people.

It's very easy for me to only see my side of things. I'm lonely. I want.

But unless I'm pulling one of my hermit routines... There are probably people in my life who want me in theirs. And I'm either unwilling or unknowing.

Ever go read the I Saw U or MissedConnections sections on Craigslist or the local papers? I was having this debate with a friend about a year ago, and pulled out one of the sheets. Literally hundreds of people each week posting these wishes to the universe: people they only caught a glimpse of, people they've known for years and are too afraid to speak to, people they almost had something with (maybe?) but their bus came, or friend pulled them away, or whatever. It's one of those remarkable things.

Next time you walk down a busy street, stop for a moment in your quest for (groceries, cash, to shout at the utilities company) and realize, that someone on that street, is probably thinking something nice about you. You'll never meet them, in all likelihood. We don't talk to most of the people we think about. Although a 1000 love stories do begin with a stranger saying Hi.

 

[scout86]

@FridayJones , I really like the quote and it'd pretty much the principle by which I operate.

The rest of it........ Right this second, I wish I lived in THAT version of reality. Maybe because, in my experience, "wanted" is usually connected to "for what you can do for me". Never "just because". I'd like to think "just because" is possible. I know, for most people, it is. I'm not at all sure it is for everyone.

And, @Justmehere , YOU have always struck me as a sweet, kind, intelligent, insightful, lovable kind of person, so I can't help but think LOTS of people would "want" you totally because you are you, in a totally healthy way. At least if they get the chance to get to know the "real" you. Somehow, though, those "ok and not dangerous" people seem to be a bit hard to find.

 

[Friday]

@scout86 ... LMAO... I was actually humming the 'Nobody likes me, everybody hates me, I guess I'll go eat worms!' song, just to poke fun of myself, all weekend. I've been doing my hermit schtick for nearly 3 years, now. Burned my last bridge 1 year, 2 months, & 13 days ago. (If that's November, my maths skills are dreadful). Crawled briefly out from under my rock, kinda sorta maybe made one friend, aaaaaand I think I nuked that last week. Hurts more than I'd like to let on. Until I remember I'm a pain in the ass, so probably better it happen now, than later. Being used, though, sucks. Unless I'm being paid. That's legitimate use! Back on target, though... Right now... Nobody likes me, everybody hates me... ;) But that will change. Either when I do, or I am around the right people, again.

 

[scout86]

I'd forgotten that song! We could do harmony?

Actually, I was recently told that the problem with me is I "scare people". I ran that past my T, figuring he IS a guy and he IS getting paid to help me acquire insight. His response was, "Well, you've managed to escape most of the conventional stereotypes....... I'm guessing that most guys meet you and you're nothing like their sisters and nothing like their mothers and basically nothing like anyone else they've ever met, so they aren't quite sure what to DO with that." He holds out hope that someone, some day, will find that "interesting" instead of frightening. I'm not so sure. After all, "hope" is part of the currency they use in his line of work.

Meanwhile, I remember to appreciate that my ex isn't around yelling when I dash into the house without taking off my muddy boots! :wideeyed: :D

 

[The Albatross]

I actually attended a women's conference. At each seat was a sharpie pen and a pad of post it's. We were asked to write all of our roles or names or vocations that we were identified by. Women (me too) had a field day. The key note speaker was covered with post its from head to toe. But she took each one off for the group and crumpled them up, refuting them/accepting them or relishing them by sharing a special personal memory.

Powerful stuff. By the last post it, she stood in front of the group and said, "Who am I now? I am me. All of them are me, none of them are me because I have choices. I can accept or reject, revel in or refute the labels. Heady stuff for me. I never forgot it.

She also recommended a project where we pasted post its on a coat or painted them on a canvas... all the negative ones we have been called or call ourselves. To wear or dispense with as we wish. She said she painted a big goat... and when she painted in the words and names that she'd been called or hurt her... it became her "scape goat". Some burned or destroyed theirs but she kept hers because those were her "scars". A scar is stronger than the surrounding tissue she said. Just like a bone is stronger where it's been broken. I embrace, my "scars".

Maybe off topic but that's what the opening post reminded me of.

 

[shimmerz]

Now if I could just figure out what "I" want!

I feel like if we don't know what 'we want' for ourselves, the only other route to take is to be what others want us to be. We were trained to be what other's wanted n'est pas? It is a sobering juxtaposition and one that requires great consideration and concentration to extract ourselves from.

I have started by replacing words in my vocabulary:
need - want
sorry - apologize (I use this word WAY less than sorry because I have to think about it
could'a, should'a, would'a - would like to

I find these words train me to internalize my needs rather than the externalization that happens when I do for others rather than for myself. I had to get through the feeling of selfishness that came with it though.