Sufferer Don't Know Who or What I Am Anymore

Alex13

New Here
I am retired from Policing. I somehow made it a full 35 years. I mostly relate to what I did in my career as going to "war'. I detailed 25 typed pages of traumatic events I witnessed first hand when working as a police officer in a report for my pyschologist. Who I still am seeing today, but after 4 years of 'talking' with them, I feel I have made little progress forward i dealing with issues I and others have identified in me.

However, I do feel these sessions have helped me in some instances to understand this thing they label me as having which is: PTSD. Other than that I most often think nothing will help me regain the person I was before I put on the uniform. Kiss that life goodbye imo. This is me now and I know how broken I am and realize I am able to be honest and write this which I guess may be a step in the right direction. But I have no idea how to restore my life to my previous self. How to re-set my mind and improve my decision making is what bothers me the most. I think sometimes that I am fully beyond repair.

This is me:

Untrusting of anyone or anything
Feel ashamed (mostly from all the death and crap I witnessed and how so many people died and many of them who died very tragically)
Can't sleep. Up most nights "on patrol" in my own home
Every little thing is magnified a thousand times
Feeling agitated all the time
Anxiety, especially at night time, or when having to go somewhere anytime, especially functions involving a lot of people or crowds. At movies, concerts, I can't wait for the lights to be dimmed
Flashbacks that hit me out of the blue in weird and strange places and times
Talking with people who I relate to a traumatic event shuts me down and my mind just wanders
Seeing something that reminds me of something i witnessed or was involved in that ended tragically just shuts me down completely. I actuall have had episodes where I have frozen in fear with like this dark cloud over my head and then I have complete tunnelvision and can't see or hear anything around me
Fearful of everyone except some close friends and family (even they can be a problem for me sometimes)
Trusting no one. And I mean NO ONE!
Can't love how I want to love or to be loved
Fear of loss, pending doom, thoughts of worst case scenario
Any discussion, hard questions, interuptions, perceived wrong answer, different views, or incomplete answers, or poor understanding of the situation leads to me raising my voice and yelling
Secretive (overly secretive about even just simple things and doing secretive things makes me feel kind of euphoric, free, and outside of my body)
Desire to be left alone (insert huge and strong before Desire)
Obsessive pastimes that sometimes are not healthy and are really not important that I place too much emphasis and time on
Need to gamble and moreso having the need to win
Hypervigilant. Always aware of everything going on around me especialy in public places. So much so that often I cannot enjoy a simple conversation, dinner in a restaurant, a movie etc.
Always thinking the worst outcome will happen
Always thinking about danger, and the worst outcome for anything, especially people I know, trust, and love
Just wanting to die sometimes so it will all be over
I am afraid to confront anything but constantly put myself into situations of confrontation. My wife asked me one time after I had another road rage incident (I have to preface this by saying they are getting less and less often since going to a Psychologist); "did you want to fight them?" I answered "lets just say there is no flight"
Can't let things go. My kids tell me I just go on and on until they give in, give up, or walk away. I am now doing this with my wife also. Every problem, discussion, conversation, argument has to be finished to suit my needs and to have the correct answer or outcome
Make bad choices but try and rationalize them afterwards
Used everything (legally) I could to escape reality, or from myself, I guess...alcohol. marijuana, gambling, wash, rinse, repeat. Never any one of them to excess really but enough of each combined to mitigate reality, pain, thinking, memories, suffering...this problem is getting better, I think, and I no longer use marijuana as it made me only worse I believe and led to even more bad choices. Gambling is still problematic but fun and okay when I win of course
Believing I am invincible and acting very reckless at times
Believing I can't do anything wrong
Not processing what I am doing could be, or is wrong, but denying it to myself afterwrds that it is or was wrong
Cannot deal with death especially those I knew and loved. I cannot grieve normally if there is such a thing? I just get angry. And stay angry. Avoidance of thinking about it is best.

I am to the point after four years of therapy that even going to my Psychologist appointments triggers what I can only assume is anxiety. I am told and have read that PTSD is a short term thing. That it can be treated. That it eventually will go away or diminish. This terrifies me because I know I am not getting any better really and I do know and understand that and also that just makes me even more angry than I already am.

Like I mentioned I have made some small improvements and progress from seeing a psychologist, being more open about what I have been diagnised with, and I now I do understand some things better about the triggers that cause my daily PTSD problems. I also do have some coping mechanisms I have learned but I get really mad thinking someone, a writer, a doctor, a psychologist, anyone who chimes in thinking they know about how this thing called PTSD works and how it can be treated, even healed, and how they know how long it should last, or that they say to you it only lasts a short time, blah blah blah, I want to take them out back and have a few words with them.

No one knows how this affects me and how angry I am most of the time and how I suffer all of the symptoms ( I probably only listed half of them above ) that affect my life. Or how long it will last.

If anyone tells you this is a short term thing, or comments to you in an obvious condescending tone "oh you still have PTSD after four years of treatment?" then they truly have no idea what PTSD does to someone.

I am very sorry for who I have become, and at the same time I don't even know who I am. I just know I am not nice, not trustworthy, not honest, sometimes, not as much fun as I used to be, not as happy as I could be, and should be, and how I will always feel ashamed, sorry, sad, for those unfortunate people who I witnessed their deaths and wonder why it wasn't me who should be dead.

Will I ever get over this? Is there really any treatment that works. I am very doubtful about that. Maybe I am wrong but I have learned this behaviour over the course of 35 years, perhaps longer, and perhaps I even had the start of this in my childhood. I had a very PTSD disfunctional father, who never understood what his own problems were, or talked about anything (WWII Vet) so who knows maybe this thing has been a life long problem for me, one I learned from a young age, and then the career choice I made only amplified all these things, these issues I have, in me?

Any thoughts would be helpful and appreciative.

Thank-you.
 
Thank you for sharing your deeply personal and painful experience. It takes immense courage to open up about such difficult emotions and struggles. It's clear that you have been through a tremendous amount of trauma during your 35 years in policing, and the impact of those experiences on your mental health is significant.

It's understandable that after four years of therapy, you may feel frustrated with the progress and unsure if you will ever be able to fully recover from the effects of PTSD. It's important to acknowledge that healing from trauma is a complex and individual process, and there is no set timeline for recovery.

Seeking support, whether through therapy, peer support groups, or online communities like this one, can be an important step towards healing. Connecting with others who have been through similar experiences can help you feel less alone in your journey and provide insights and coping strategies that have worked for them.

In addition to professional help, it's essential to take care of yourself in various ways, such as practicing self-care, engaging in activities that bring you joy, and finding healthy outlets for your emotions. It's also crucial to be patient and compassionate with yourself as you navigate this challenging road to healing.

You mentioned feeling doubts about whether any treatment can work for you. While it's natural to have reservations, it's also important to remember that many individuals have found relief and improved quality of life through various therapeutic approaches, such as cognitive-behavioral therapy, eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR), and medication management.

Remember that healing is a gradual process, and setbacks are a normal part of recovery. Your willingness to seek help and share your experiences is a significant step in the right direction. Please know that you are not alone, and there is hope for a brighter future ahead. Keep reaching out for support and exploring different avenues to find what works best for you in your healing journey.
 
Welcome to the forum, sorry you have reason to be here.

PTSD can definitely become chronic, and often episodic. Working with a therapist who specialises in trauma can be extremely helpful.

Hopefully this community, full of folks who also have the chronic version, helps start to turn things around. Because even when it is chronic, it can still get a lot better and easier to manage, even if it doesn’t completely go away.
 
I am retired from Policing. I somehow made it a full 35 years. I mostly relate to what I did in my career as going to "war'. I detailed 25 typed pages of traumatic events I witnessed first hand when working as a police officer in a report for my pyschologist. Who I still am seeing today, but after 4 years of 'talking' with them, I feel I have made little progress forward i dealing with issues I and others have identified in me.

However, I do feel these sessions have helped me in some instances to understand this thing they label me as having which is: PTSD. Other than that I most often think nothing will help me regain the person I was before I put on the uniform. Kiss that life goodbye imo. This is me now and I know how broken I am and realize I am able to be honest and write this which I guess may be a step in the right direction. But I have no idea how to restore my life to my previous self. How to re-set my mind and improve my decision making is what bothers me the most. I think sometimes that I am fully beyond repair.

This is me:

Untrusting of anyone or anything
Feel ashamed (mostly from all the death and crap I witnessed and how so many people died and many of them who died very tragically)
Can't sleep. Up most nights "on patrol" in my own home
Every little thing is magnified a thousand times
Feeling agitated all the time
Anxiety, especially at night time, or when having to go somewhere anytime, especially functions involving a lot of people or crowds. At movies, concerts, I can't wait for the lights to be dimmed
Flashbacks that hit me out of the blue in weird and strange places and times
Talking with people who I relate to a traumatic event shuts me down and my mind just wanders
Seeing something that reminds me of something i witnessed or was involved in that ended tragically just shuts me down completely. I actuall have had episodes where I have frozen in fear with like this dark cloud over my head and then I have complete tunnelvision and can't see or hear anything around me
Fearful of everyone except some close friends and family (even they can be a problem for me sometimes)
Trusting no one. And I mean NO ONE!
Can't love how I want to love or to be loved
Fear of loss, pending doom, thoughts of worst case scenario
Any discussion, hard questions, interuptions, perceived wrong answer, different views, or incomplete answers, or poor understanding of the situation leads to me raising my voice and yelling
Secretive (overly secretive about even just simple things and doing secretive things makes me feel kind of euphoric, free, and outside of my body)
Desire to be left alone (insert huge and strong before Desire)
Obsessive pastimes that sometimes are not healthy and are really not important that I place too much emphasis and time on
Need to gamble and moreso having the need to win
Hypervigilant. Always aware of everything going on around me especialy in public places. So much so that often I cannot enjoy a simple conversation, dinner in a restaurant, a movie etc.
Always thinking the worst outcome will happen
Always thinking about danger, and the worst outcome for anything, especially people I know, trust, and love
Just wanting to die sometimes so it will all be over
I am afraid to confront anything but constantly put myself into situations of confrontation. My wife asked me one time after I had another road rage incident (I have to preface this by saying they are getting less and less often since going to a Psychologist); "did you want to fight them?" I answered "lets just say there is no flight"
Can't let things go. My kids tell me I just go on and on until they give in, give up, or walk away. I am now doing this with my wife also. Every problem, discussion, conversation, argument has to be finished to suit my needs and to have the correct answer or outcome
Make bad choices but try and rationalize them afterwards
Used everything (legally) I could to escape reality, or from myself, I guess...alcohol. marijuana, gambling, wash, rinse, repeat. Never any one of them to excess really but enough of each combined to mitigate reality, pain, thinking, memories, suffering...this problem is getting better, I think, and I no longer use marijuana as it made me only worse I believe and led to even more bad choices. Gambling is still problematic but fun and okay when I win of course
Believing I am invincible and acting very reckless at times
Believing I can't do anything wrong
Not processing what I am doing could be, or is wrong, but denying it to myself afterwrds that it is or was wrong
Cannot deal with death especially those I knew and loved. I cannot grieve normally if there is such a thing? I just get angry. And stay angry. Avoidance of thinking about it is best.

I am to the point after four years of therapy that even going to my Psychologist appointments triggers what I can only assume is anxiety. I am told and have read that PTSD is a short term thing. That it can be treated. That it eventually will go away or diminish. This terrifies me because I know I am not getting any better really and I do know and understand that and also that just makes me even more angry than I already am.

Like I mentioned I have made some small improvements and progress from seeing a psychologist, being more open about what I have been diagnised with, and I now I do understand some things better about the triggers that cause my daily PTSD problems. I also do have some coping mechanisms I have learned but I get really mad thinking someone, a writer, a doctor, a psychologist, anyone who chimes in thinking they know about how this thing called PTSD works and how it can be treated, even healed, and how they know how long it should last, or that they say to you it only lasts a short time, blah blah blah, I want to take them out back and have a few words with them.

No one knows how this affects me and how angry I am most of the time and how I suffer all of the symptoms ( I probably only listed half of them above ) that affect my life. Or how long it will last.

If anyone tells you this is a short term thing, or comments to you in an obvious condescending tone "oh you still have PTSD after four years of treatment?" then they truly have no idea what PTSD does to someone.

I am very sorry for who I have become, and at the same time I don't even know who I am. I just know I am not nice, not trustworthy, not honest, sometimes, not as much fun as I used to be, not as happy as I could be, and should be, and how I will always feel ashamed, sorry, sad, for those unfortunate people who I witnessed their deaths and wonder why it wasn't me who should be dead.

Will I ever get over this? Is there really any treatment that works. I am very doubtful about that. Maybe I am wrong but I have learned this behaviour over the course of 35 years, perhaps longer, and perhaps I even had the start of this in my childhood. I had a very PTSD disfunctional father, who never understood what his own problems were, or talked about anything (WWII Vet) so who knows maybe this thing has been a life long problem for me, one I learned from a young age, and then the career choice I made only amplified all these things, these issues I have, in me?

Any thoughts would be helpful and appreciative.

Thank-you.
I am going to keep it simple. With these steps. You will work out the details.

1. Change all therapy to EMDR only. Find a Dr Ramani video on it.

2. Study Youtube videos of the effect of Narcissistic parents on males. I recommend Dr Ramani.

3. Consider trialling a change to an SNRI if on an SSRI. Pristiq or Effexor. I found Effexor too agitating. Everyone is different.
I have not had a panic attack after starting Pristiq DESVENLAFAXINE. The hypervigilance has diminished greatly. No. 5 is also necessary for reducing this.

4. Use/ask for a tiny dosage of anxiety meds to use in emergencies only, Panic state. Or before therapist, doctor, dentist. I use a quarter of a 30mg Oxazepam. It is the same family as Valium but works for me on ruminating and anticipatory anxiety. Valium does nothing for me. It works within 15 minutes and lasts long enough to get through what needs to be got through.

5. Choose a way to get the anger out. A punching bag, running, weights, quite yelling/grunting in the shower. Any time you feel the anger, push it out. open your mouth, throat and gut and get it out. I used to punch a bag after talking with my narcissistic mother on the phone.

6. Keep notes. In a journal, on the wall, on a blackboard, on Notes on your phone. Ask yourself questions, watch a video on that question. Answer it yourself with your conclusions, even if its simple or temporary. Be your own Therapist.

Write these steps out now on the wall or a huge piece of paper, in the toilet, on your phone. Check them daily to see how you are going and your progress instilling them.

You're smart I can tell from your writing. This will help you. I don't listen to anyone who has not got PTSD themselves. FTS. What would they know. My doctors job is to provide the amount and type of meds to help me get through the day to perform the methods and the learning I need to get better. That's it. My job is to use my brain, and yours is to use yours and trust it. Just because we are broken does not mean we cannot trust our brain any more. We can, it just needs practise. Plus we Can trust it when it is not in overwhelm. Normals get into overwhelm too and they don't even consider that they maybe should not trust their brain. I hope this helps mate. You sound like a Dude. Best wishes.

PS Study Borderline Personality Disorder in females. You will attract them. Study the traits that become obvious and run like hell.
If you want a laugh, watch this. It should be shown in all schools at age 10.



Anyone who says "Oh you still have PTSD after four years of therapy?".|

.............Your response " IS it my turn to talk about your dysfunctions?........"SMILE ...look away/walk away ... change the subject.

You get your point across. They wont say it again. It is not mean. It is putting up a mirror. It will make them STFU.

I used to use this when people commented on my body or weight or looks. (I am cute). "Oh you should not lose more weight you will look scrawny". Response..... "Is it my turn to talk about your body?". Shut down!

Fkers.
 
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Mod Note:
Study Youtube videos of the effect of Narcissistic parents on males. I recommend Dr Ramani.
This is not relevant to the OP’s post, and I note that you have recommended Dr Ramani YouTube videos elsewhere on the forum.

We don’t have a lot of rules, but ‘No Advertising’ is one of them, so be mindful when recommending specific treatments that that it is directly relevant to the thread.

Thanks!
 
@Flossy I think you have some issues to work through, just quietly and all. Nothing wrong with opinion... we all have one, but you're making your opinion as though the only and right way to do something. Sounds like some anger there too... just for good measure. Maybe you should look at dealing with that!
 
@Flossy I think you have some issues to work through, just quietly and all. Nothing wrong with opinion... we all have one, but you're making your opinion as though the only and right way to do something. Sounds like some anger there too... just for good measure. Maybe you should look at dealing with that!
I must have written it badly. I meant it as an opinion. Not meant as the only or right way to do it, just as the way that worked for me. No anger at all now. That was describing what I did eight years ago to get rid of the stomach issues and then dealing with my Narcissistic mother on the phone. He did mention having a dysfunctional father.

I thought the simplistic manner of presentation might help the guy at the stage he is in at the moment because that is what I needed in that stage. I also felt I was being straight up. I would like to hear how it came across to Alex13. I certainly was driven by intent to help. I can edit it to make my meaning clearer. Do you think I should do so or wait to hear from Alex13.? I have always taken your advice on board and am surprised you found my words offensive. I apologise if they seem so to the OP and yourself and came across as superior or belligerent.

Mod Note:

This is not relevant to the OP’s post, and I note that you have recommended Dr Ramani YouTube videos elsewhere on the forum.

We don’t have a lot of rules, but ‘No Advertising’ is one of them, so be mindful when recommending specific treatments that that it is directly relevant to the thread.

Thanks!
The OP did mention a very dysfunctional father and I put in my experience with a narcissistic parent and the best information source I have found to deal with that in case it is in fact that. Is that considered advertising? I am asking seriously. I have learned more about why I developed PTSD (a Narcissistic parent, sexual family abuse & the death of my son) through Youtube than through any therapy. Yes I have recommended Dr Ramanis' videos. Is referral the same as advertising. I saw it as the same as saying that EMDR was helpful for me. Seriously need guidance on that issue please. This is not me arguing the point, I am asking for Clarification which is the biggest lesson I learned from Anthony many many years ago on this forum. I appreciate any clarification. I intend to follow the rule. I wont suggest Youtube if that truly is advertising. I thought advertising meant advertising your own business a connection to a business or provider.

I cant edit it now. I must have edited it a couple of times.
 
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I am retired from Policing. I somehow made it a full 35 years. I mostly relate to what I did in my career as going to "war'. I detailed 25 typed pages of traumatic events I witnessed first hand when working as a police officer in a report for my pyschologist. Who I still am seeing today, but after 4 years of 'talking' with them, I feel I have made little progress forward i dealing with issues I and others have identified in me.

However, I do feel these sessions have helped me in some instances to understand this thing they label me as having which is: PTSD. Other than that I most often think nothing will help me regain the person I was before I put on the uniform. Kiss that life goodbye imo. This is me now and I know how broken I am and realize I am able to be honest and write this which I guess may be a step in the right direction. But I have no idea how to restore my life to my previous self. How to re-set my mind and improve my decision making is what bothers me the most. I think sometimes that I am fully beyond repair.

This is me:

Untrusting of anyone or anything
Feel ashamed (mostly from all the death and crap I witnessed and how so many people died and many of them who died very tragically)
Can't sleep. Up most nights "on patrol" in my own home
Every little thing is magnified a thousand times
Feeling agitated all the time
Anxiety, especially at night time, or when having to go somewhere anytime, especially functions involving a lot of people or crowds. At movies, concerts, I can't wait for the lights to be dimmed
Flashbacks that hit me out of the blue in weird and strange places and times
Talking with people who I relate to a traumatic event shuts me down and my mind just wanders
Seeing something that reminds me of something i witnessed or was involved in that ended tragically just shuts me down completely. I actuall have had episodes where I have frozen in fear with like this dark cloud over my head and then I have complete tunnelvision and can't see or hear anything around me
Fearful of everyone except some close friends and family (even they can be a problem for me sometimes)
Trusting no one. And I mean NO ONE!
Can't love how I want to love or to be loved
Fear of loss, pending doom, thoughts of worst case scenario
Any discussion, hard questions, interuptions, perceived wrong answer, different views, or incomplete answers, or poor understanding of the situation leads to me raising my voice and yelling
Secretive (overly secretive about even just simple things and doing secretive things makes me feel kind of euphoric, free, and outside of my body)
Desire to be left alone (insert huge and strong before Desire)
Obsessive pastimes that sometimes are not healthy and are really not important that I place too much emphasis and time on
Need to gamble and moreso having the need to win
Hypervigilant. Always aware of everything going on around me especialy in public places. So much so that often I cannot enjoy a simple conversation, dinner in a restaurant, a movie etc.
Always thinking the worst outcome will happen
Always thinking about danger, and the worst outcome for anything, especially people I know, trust, and love
Just wanting to die sometimes so it will all be over
I am afraid to confront anything but constantly put myself into situations of confrontation. My wife asked me one time after I had another road rage incident (I have to preface this by saying they are getting less and less often since going to a Psychologist); "did you want to fight them?" I answered "lets just say there is no flight"
Can't let things go. My kids tell me I just go on and on until they give in, give up, or walk away. I am now doing this with my wife also. Every problem, discussion, conversation, argument has to be finished to suit my needs and to have the correct answer or outcome
Make bad choices but try and rationalize them afterwards
Used everything (legally) I could to escape reality, or from myself, I guess...alcohol. marijuana, gambling, wash, rinse, repeat. Never any one of them to excess really but enough of each combined to mitigate reality, pain, thinking, memories, suffering...this problem is getting better, I think, and I no longer use marijuana as it made me only worse I believe and led to even more bad choices. Gambling is still problematic but fun and okay when I win of course
Believing I am invincible and acting very reckless at times
Believing I can't do anything wrong
Not processing what I am doing could be, or is wrong, but denying it to myself afterwrds that it is or was wrong
Cannot deal with death especially those I knew and loved. I cannot grieve normally if there is such a thing? I just get angry. And stay angry. Avoidance of thinking about it is best.

I am to the point after four years of therapy that even going to my Psychologist appointments triggers what I can only assume is anxiety. I am told and have read that PTSD is a short term thing. That it can be treated. That it eventually will go away or diminish. This terrifies me because I know I am not getting any better really and I do know and understand that and also that just makes me even more angry than I already am.

Like I mentioned I have made some small improvements and progress from seeing a psychologist, being more open about what I have been diagnised with, and I now I do understand some things better about the triggers that cause my daily PTSD problems. I also do have some coping mechanisms I have learned but I get really mad thinking someone, a writer, a doctor, a psychologist, anyone who chimes in thinking they know about how this thing called PTSD works and how it can be treated, even healed, and how they know how long it should last, or that they say to you it only lasts a short time, blah blah blah, I want to take them out back and have a few words with them.

No one knows how this affects me and how angry I am most of the time and how I suffer all of the symptoms ( I probably only listed half of them above ) that affect my life. Or how long it will last.

If anyone tells you this is a short term thing, or comments to you in an obvious condescending tone "oh you still have PTSD after four years of treatment?" then they truly have no idea what PTSD does to someone.

I am very sorry for who I have become, and at the same time I don't even know who I am. I just know I am not nice, not trustworthy, not honest, sometimes, not as much fun as I used to be, not as happy as I could be, and should be, and how I will always feel ashamed, sorry, sad, for those unfortunate people who I witnessed their deaths and wonder why it wasn't me who should be dead.

Will I ever get over this? Is there really any treatment that works. I am very doubtful about that. Maybe I am wrong but I have learned this behaviour over the course of 35 years, perhaps longer, and perhaps I even had the start of this in my childhood. I had a very PTSD disfunctional father, who never understood what his own problems were, or talked about anything (WWII Vet) so who knows maybe this thing has been a life long problem for me, one I learned from a young age, and then the career choice I made only amplified all these things, these issues I have, in me?

Any thoughts would be helpful and appreciative.

Thank-you.
Alex13
My words have come across to Anthony and a Moderator as inappropriate. When writing it up I followed the style you had written your post in. Point form, to the point. I thought that would match your thought processing with how you are feeling at the moment.

I was presenting every step I took at that stage of my PTSD that helped me greatly and I present it matter of factly in an attempt to keep it simple. I felt from reading your story that you would appreciate that considering your career. Sort of a 'cut to the chase" presentation. But it has instigated a negative response and I respect that. I would hate to think it made you feel bad in any manner and I do apologise if it did. I am not able to edit it. Please know that these opinions are what worked for me and after many years of trial and error. I thought a list for future reference and decisions on whether that fit with you may be helpful to have in one go now.

Considering you sound as though you are feeling very hopeless right now. I did not intend for you to follow it blindly or even agree with any or all of it. I hoped having it there may spark something from it, even just one little thing that might fit well with you to start you off with a plan of your own. There was no intention for you to follow it blindly. It's just you said nothing else has helped at all.

So I was offering up suggestions that you might find something amongst. Of course, with your doc, your Psych, your family. I thought this went without saying as you are an accomplished mature person. I just wanted a big whack of potentials to send to you to do with what you will.

The Hot vs Crazy was meant as lightheartedness. I think it's funny as hell.

I have to consider my presentation as inappropriate though and I wanted to make sure you are ok reading it. I wish you well and hope you find one tiny thing in there that might create a spark of a step to help you in some small way. If you do not and you feel it was not helpful at all for you or too over-the-top please let me know and I will ask to have it removed from your Thread asap. If that is the case I am deeply sorry to have upset you.
 
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Hi @Alex13 👋, welcome to the site. Sorry for the reasons that bring you here. First of all I would say, stop craving something that will never happen. Ie... ptsd and trauma isn't something that ever goes away. It's something to be managed and if managed well and by using good tools, the effects of which can lesson a great deal, allowing for a much better quality of life.

By constantly craving something that won't happen, your just fuelling a frustrating Circle of ptsd pain within yourself. I noticed you haven't been around since your 1st post, I hope your alright. One of the biggest themes from your post was your trouble dealing with other people right now, no matter what the environment.

So, what can you do on your own that you may find enjoyable? 🤔 😉? A pastime or hobby? It could be anything? Absolutely anything that you can do on your own which is quality time where you can focus/distract yourself/relax/enjoy etc.. because by doing this your brain (mental) and body (physical) benefits a great deal.

When your dysregulated/acutely aware/on patrol and stressed etc your adrenal gland is dumping shit loads of adrenaline into your body to keep you that way and prepared to fight and deal with danger. Eventually the adrenaline runs out but if your anything like me, anxiety and panic attacks can last for hours.

Once you've established something that grounds and regulates you, your in a much better way and state of mind to be open to other suggestions/practices and tools to help you better manage your ptsd.

Hope you come back to us. Best wishes. 👌
 

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