• 💖 [Donate To Keep MyPTSD Online] 💖 Every contribution, no matter how small, fuels our mission and helps us continue to provide peer-to-peer services. Your generosity keeps us independent and available freely to the world. MyPTSD closes if we can't reach our annual goal.

Sexual Assault Can sexual abuse define your sexuality

Status
Not open for further replies.
You remind me so much of me, when I first started sorting this stuff out. I kept looking at different things and wondering "is this a sign of childhood sexual abuse?". "Does this prove I was abused?" And yes, the things I was questioning were, signs of abuse. None of them proved it. The proof was me in trusting in my memories, thoughts and conclusions. That's a hard thing to accept. Then again, if it was easy to accept, we wouldn't need the proof. We wouldn't keep asking and doubting and wondering.

Reenactment is not unusual for trauma survivors. I do something similar. After many years of therapy I have finally started talking about that with my therapist.



It's not any magical thing the therapist says, it's the process of talking. It's the exchange that goes on between your therapist and you. If your therapist simply said, "yes, reenactment is a common thing among childhood sexual abuse survivors" that might make you feel less alone, but isn't going to take you far on your healing journey. But if your therapist asks you questions, and you have to think about it and find answers then you begin to understand yourself better. You begin to have control over the the things that drive you. You begin to recognize patterns in yourself, so if there are things that you want to change, you are able to start changing them.
The reason I find it very difficult to accept is bc when I tell my friends what happened, they all say the same thing...
It happens to all girls, I was molested 50 times, when I was six this happened to me or that happened to me.. It's not a big deal so don't let it affect you. When you think about it just push it out of your head and love your life.

It makes me feel like I'm making a bid deal out of smth that everyone goes through and I feel a lot of guilt about that. Why should seeing a family members erect penis make me afraid of penises my entire life? It just doesn't make sense. Why can't I get over it like all the other girls?
 
This is such a great thread because it's delving into the forbidden subject of being a sexually active chld and all the ramifications of carrying those memories and repressed memories and behaviours or hopefully memories of behaviours into adulthood.

WTF does that mean?

I mean, who do you ask?

So therapy works for me because.

1. I had to tell.

I had to tell because the abuser takes your voice and you can't tell so you are not a real or whole person till you do.

2. Now I've told you I know you can't love me anymore.

I had to try and drive the therapist away after I told her to prove I am unloveable. You get to practice in therapy and hopefully put into practice some of it in real life. Otherwise you just do the same things over and over like the little trauma machine that could.

There's more but what do I know? Good thread.
I wasn't sexually active as a child. I was never told to keep it a secret. I just saw a couple penises when I wasn't expecting it that's all. I don't see how therapy can help with that bc I can't unsee it now and I don't understand why it would affect me so much. Maybe I just have control issues from childhood physical abuse that's making it hard to give up control. Maybe this isn't a sexual abuse problem at all.
 
2. Now I've told you I know you can't love me anymore.
Wow, this was a punch in the gut to read. Because yeah, I did that. And I was pretty good at it. Scary good at it.

You don’t see it coming when all you’re trying to do is go through the therapy process and be open and share and process and all those good things.

So many reasons to make sure your T specialises in trauma - but this one? Is super important.
 
I wasn't sexually active as a child. I was never told to keep it a secret. I just saw a couple penises when I wasn't expecting it that's all. I don't see how therapy can help with that bc I can't unsee it now and I don't understand why it would affect me so much. Maybe I just have control issues from childhood physical abuse that's making it hard to give up control. Maybe this isn't a sexual abuse problem at all.

IDK. It has to be up to you. Maybe there is something, maybe not. I didn't even remember any of this till I was in my forties. I wish you well and I hope you find the answers youre looking for.
 
Please stop implying misinformation.

D.I.D. is a separate disorder unrelated to PTSD.
That some sufferers have comorbid diagnoses does not make them a spectrum of each other.
I am aware i was responding to unhealthy sexual which urges or learned behaviour and DID is often undiagnosed for years . I am aware of the fact that there are a number of examples of PTSD which are not DID . The similarities were to a number of people i have helped with DID seeking revictimization seeing abuse as learned behaviour
 
i was csa from the age of 9 by a relive that lived with me and my mom for a lot of years, turned into full blown sexual relationship. i became very promiscuous a a very young age and actively seeked out attention of older men. even today i really cant be faithful to husband.
 
I don't see how therapy can help with that bc I can't unsee it now and I don't understand why it would affect me so much.
I guess you could start in therapy with finding the answer to why it affects you so much. That may open the door for other questions that you may feel are unanswered not to mention the original question you posed in this thread. Does seeing that change your sexuality? It's different for everyone. There isn't a one size fits all answer for the questions you have THUS chatting it over with a therapist can help you find those answers and many more. It's a healthy way to deal with things versus having relationships with men your senior while pretending to be a child. Those things tend to make us feel more shame and doesn't make room for healthy ways to work through problems. I hope you will reconsider.... good luck!
 
I think it can most definitely. I currently identify as asexual. Not because I have never tried to have sex, but because the act itself is highly distressing to me. I have such severe trust issues, that I cannot fully open up to people. Its like I am on the other side of a thick, transparent wall, and nothing can reach me. Physical stimulation, cannot make me climax. Masturbation does not do it. Regular sex doesn't either. I also do not find either sex to be attractive. I do however, possess a libido. I also have experiences with the discovery of non sexual fetishes, but even then. They do not aide in my issues with climax or intimacy. I do not like contact at all.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top