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- #25
The reason I find it very difficult to accept is bc when I tell my friends what happened, they all say the same thing...You remind me so much of me, when I first started sorting this stuff out. I kept looking at different things and wondering "is this a sign of childhood sexual abuse?". "Does this prove I was abused?" And yes, the things I was questioning were, signs of abuse. None of them proved it. The proof was me in trusting in my memories, thoughts and conclusions. That's a hard thing to accept. Then again, if it was easy to accept, we wouldn't need the proof. We wouldn't keep asking and doubting and wondering.
Reenactment is not unusual for trauma survivors. I do something similar. After many years of therapy I have finally started talking about that with my therapist.
It's not any magical thing the therapist says, it's the process of talking. It's the exchange that goes on between your therapist and you. If your therapist simply said, "yes, reenactment is a common thing among childhood sexual abuse survivors" that might make you feel less alone, but isn't going to take you far on your healing journey. But if your therapist asks you questions, and you have to think about it and find answers then you begin to understand yourself better. You begin to have control over the the things that drive you. You begin to recognize patterns in yourself, so if there are things that you want to change, you are able to start changing them.
It happens to all girls, I was molested 50 times, when I was six this happened to me or that happened to me.. It's not a big deal so don't let it affect you. When you think about it just push it out of your head and love your life.
It makes me feel like I'm making a bid deal out of smth that everyone goes through and I feel a lot of guilt about that. Why should seeing a family members erect penis make me afraid of penises my entire life? It just doesn't make sense. Why can't I get over it like all the other girls?