Cancer

[Casey_03]

So I just found out my aunt has cancer. Stage 3. I might be hopeful and optimistic if not for the fact that I lost my mother to cancer, and this seems like the exact same scenario. It also doesn't help that this is my mother's sister, and she was the one who tried to step in and fill in for my mother after she was gone. She was the one I cried with after losing my mother, and now it looks like I will lose her in the exact same manner.

Of all my traumas, none of them could match watching my mother slowly rot and succumb to cancer after vowing to fight and beat it. Nothing in my life has ever been that profoundly devastating and soul-crushing. I'm still not over that; I will never be over that. And now I fear I am about to go through it all again.

There is no doubt now that I have to get home. But when I do, I dread what is in store for me. I know I will handle this well on the outside -- everyone will say I'm the strong one, I'm my aunt's rock. But this will kill me, especially having to watch my cousin while knowing exactly what he's going through.

Somehow I think having a baby this time around will also make it worse. Death is a lot scarier now that I have a baby, now that I have to fear this same thing will happen to him some day (cancer runs in my family).

This is a very selfish post, I know. Here I am rambling on about my feelings when my aunt is the one I should be thinking about. But it's that same sense of not being able to comfort her that terrifies me and destroys me inside. There's nothing worse than watching someone go through that kind of hell and being unable to do a damn thing to help.

 

[hodge]

I'm so sorry, Casey. In the last 10 years I've lost two of my best friends to cancer. Both lived thousands of miles away and I could only be there with them on the phone. It was awful. In the first case, I could not get off work to visit my friend. In the second case, I didn't have the money to travel to see her.

I know you run a risk if you come back to the U.S. Just be in touch with your aunt however you can . . .. phone, email. It's horribly frustrating, but you can only do the best you can. :hug:s

 

[rosey]

Real sorry to read your post. I cannot begin to imagine what you are feeling right now.

Sending best wishes

 

[Forgetful]

:hug: Casey. I'm very sorry you're going through this. I can relate. Earlier this summer I lost my best (only) friend to a 7 year battle with breast cancer. Unfortunately I couldn't be with her even though I really wanted to. She lived in UK - 3000 miles from me. We kept in touch through Skype a couple times a week until she no longer could.

Sorry, I don't have any advice other than keep posting. But I wanted to let you know I feel your pain and your not alone.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I am very sorry to hear your news and I agree with the others that I cannot imagine how you are feeling and the losses you have to bear. You and your family are in my prayers, hope that is okay. I am confident that you will reap comfort out of this painful situation. I know that you will be a comfort having been through this before, but the way is hard and it is an impossible situation. Be strong for you first okay?:hug::hug::hug:

 

[Deleted member 541]

@Casey_03 Cancer sucks. There are no words to make it better. I'm sorry just feels so hollow to me. But I am sorry that someone else is going through this.

In Oct 2015 my oldest sister was diagnosed with Adeno Carcinoma of the Esphogous and stomach caused from Barrets Esphogous. When she told me, she also said that it would be the only time she would discuss her cancer. She also said she wanted NO ONE to cry when they called her, and she wanted NO ONE to visit her. She was given 2 months to live. She lasted 7. It was the longest hardest 7 months for me. She lived in AZ at the time and I'm on the east coast. I saw her one time in the last 23 yrs.

When you get home all you can do is be there and be as supportive as you can. Remember to always take care of yourself first. Be kind to you... Again, I'm sorry.....