Can't Rid This Anxiety

[Gamereign555]

Ugh this sucks bad. For a couple weeks now my anxiety level has been rising again and nothing I do seems to be reversing the trend. Mindfulness (although I am new to this), listening to music, drawing, talking to my girlfriend about it doesn't seem to be helping other than to make me feel okay for a few moments.

My ability to sleep is in the toilet again and my pills aren't working like they were anymore. But at least my depression is still in check.

One thing going on with me is that I have been seeking work, but I thought that was going okay with me, I'm actually looking forward to working again. As I am still pretty functional.

It just sucks that now I just want to make a doctors appointment and try and get something to relieve it because I feel like I cant. I just hate that feeling where I don't feel like I am breathing properly. Breathing and relaxation techniques are helping so it doesn't get too out of control but it doesn't feel like it does anything to curb my anxiety so that I start to feel normal again, feels a bit like failure to me.

 

[Gamereign555]

Well it's the next day now. I finally got sleep and feel much better, I got somewhere around 8 hours. It was pretty broken up though, waking up every 1 or 2 hours. I woke up 5 times that I can recall. No sleep aids or anything, just was finally able to sleep.

Still it feels night and day with how much better I felt today just by being able to get some sleep.

I really feel for those who can't get decent sleep hardly ever, I just got a small taste of what others might feel all the time.

I had a good run though, felt great for the most part for about 2 weeks before the sudden sleep issues.

Anyhow I'm just gonna watch my stressors the best I can and I won't be terribly surprised if this kind of thing happens again.

 

[Reclusive]

Yup, sleep makes a huge difference. I can always tell when I'm starting to get too anxious because I'll be really sleepy but unable to actually sleep. Like my body KNOWS it needs to recover, but my brain won't let it. It can be pretty frustrating.

With the job thing, try to pace yourself. It might be that you're just doing too much in one day, you know, being too busy. If you pace yourself, the anxiety might not be so bad.

 

[Gamereign555]

I think it's because I have felt the crushing chest pain and tightness before, the intense buzzing in my chest, the breathing issues, major depression and being unable to sleep properly for weeks. That was my hell, ptsd was new for me and it was raw and unmanaged.

Part of me fears that I could be right back there again, wondering how god could do this to a man and crying, walking around in the house or outside trying to keep yourself busy and your mind off the chest pain, but it is impossible and there is nothing to be done but to go to the hospital again. So I get better and better and so on.
But this is the worse I have been since that time but it is not that bad really, I have medication now for my depression and anxiety and coping skills. And I'm learning.

It still scares me a little to know of the state I was in, the pain, the fact I was starving myself, the absence of sleep. The immense strain and worry my girlfriend was under. Thanks for listening, you know this is one of the first times I have talked about it and I feel there was a release of some emotion from it actually.

 

[Reclusive]

Good! I'm glad to hear you're finally letting things out. This is a great place to do it. I completely understand. I still have those days with the strained breathing and the chest pain and all that - today's one of those days. But I've set myself some really low standards - as long as I'm breathing, I figure I'm okay.

I'm glad to hear, too, that the medication and coping skills are helping you. And the more you learn the more you can heal, and that's so important. Do you live with your girlfriend or no? I'm curious to know if she knows the full extent of your PTSD or not. I don't mind if you don't want to answer, I just found myself curious.

 

[Gamereign555]

Yeah she knows as much as I do, without knowing how exactly it feels I guess. She has been through this with me all the way, even in therapy so. Yes we live together, and have been together for 5 years, I have only been ptsd for 8 months.

 

[Heather]

Gamereign I don't know if this will help you or not but yesterday when I saw my therapist it was a really nice day. Instead of sitting in his office we went for a walk. We walked for the entire hour and afterwards I felt really good.

NO anxiety like I normally feel. It was nice. I just have to remember, sneakers next time. No flip-flops.

Take care. Heather

 

[Gamereign555]

Thank you and your right going out for a walk is something I'm practicing more and more lately. For now I have limited my responsibilities and am feeling better, I am slowing integrating my responsibilities back into my life as slowly as I can seeing if that helps. I have been without my typical major symptoms for 5 days in a row now, I am able to sleep a little better as well, no insomnia.

 

[Reclusive]

That's some huge improvement! Remember to keep taking it slow, one day at a time. Thank goodness for sleeping better - that makes such a huge difference!