Can't Sleep For Fear Of Falling Asleep

[Bickslow]

I've come to terms with Nightmares...the waking up shivering, crying so deeply my chest aches, beginning my day in a numb fog...it's been long enough that I can cope with those symptoms, horrid as they may be. But the one thing I've never been able to even make a dent in is the fear of that quiet time BEFORE sleep. Sleeping itself is necessary and restful, and I'm starting to sleep better so I'm enjoying it more and more, but those 10...15...20 or more minutes where it's quiet, dark, and I'm alone in my head are so devastatingly frightening I stay up for as long as possible, pass out, and hammer my next day hard. To me it's worse than the nightmares...that period of time is so detrimental and destructive, I have nothing to do but lie there and worry and hate and be angry at every little memory that I can't help but remember no matter how hard I try. The fear is so overwhelming that it's even stronger than the sleep supplements I take...I'm at a loss for what to do. It's affecting my life and mood...whenever I'm tired I trigger 10x as easily and can't control my volatile temper, it's easier to fret and nit pick myself when I'm tired...it's just never a good thing, and it's spiraling.

Anyone experiencing the same thing? Anyone have any advice?

 

[.Bubbles.]

Oh, I get ya! Most nights I wait until my body just shuts down. Which is really late. So I often only get a few hours, which sometimes includes nightmares and/or waking up a few times. My mind races the most in that quiet night time. It doesn't want to shut off.

Advice? Uh...honestly, I try and keep my mind busy until my body just gives up on me. Yeah, not the best advice. I'm sure someone more sensible will reply. :)

One thing...do you have an idea of what triggers this for you? Why that quiet time is so scary?

 

[Deleted member 19804]

Oh yeah I get the same thing. Especially when I'm tired and/or stressed out. What usually works for me is extract of the valerian-root. It's a natural form of medication and it really helps calm me down. You should definitely check with your doctor before you take anything new, though!

Reading a book (novel or fiction) works pretty well for me, too. Not only is it a good distraction, if you read one when you're already in bed, you can also fall right asleep when you've finally calmed down.

Hope this helps you out a little. :hug:

 

[Bickslow]

I'm on Gaba Seed and Valerian Root, and even that hardly stems the torrent of fear. It's more memories than triggers...but one leads to the other. The dark is also nasty for me, a lot of my most corrupted memories and worst pain were in the dark, and by a cruel twist of fate I can't sleep at ALL with even a night light on. Currently the recent sexual and emotional wrecking my ex handed me is hammering me daily, but of course that trails back to any number of memories and corrupt thoughts.

 

[Deleted member 19804]

I am so sorry you're going through such a tough time, Bickslow. And that the Gaba seed and valerian root aren't helping. Does your therapist know about this? And your doctor?

 

[Bickslow]

Without insurance I'm handling this by myself, and have for all but about 3 months of the 3 1/2 years I've been out of abuse. For the while I was seeing someone she made things so much worse...I have no trust or faith in that system. I'm done with it.