Childhood Childhood Trauma And No Self Harm

[Maxi]

Every other session my T seems to ask me how I cope with my emotions and I get the sense that she thinks I'm self-harming and withholding that information from her. I regulate my emotions mainly through binge eating and it has been that way since childhood (I do recognise that some may consider this slow self-harm). I read up on childhood trauma and self-harm and there seems to be a strong correlation, so it has made me think that maybe I am in a minority when it comes to individuals who have experienced childhood trauma and don't self-harm (in the more traditional way, cutting, burning etc) and that's maybe why I get the sense that she thinks I'm withholding.

So this is a question more out of curiosity; how many of you out there have experienced childhood trauma and don't self-harm? And if not, how do you manage your emotions? And/or have you ever had a T not believe that she don't self-harm? I don't think my experiences can be that unique. Does that fact that I don't self-harm suggest that maybe I'm not as affected as I could have been?

 

[ghotiff]

I have childhood trauma and do not self harm.

In my bad phases I struggle with self care which could be considered related to self harm, but it's very subtle (similar to your binge eating).

I personally manage my emotions by denying them.

Hope that helps.

 

[shimmerz]

No, I don't self harm either. When I was adopted and placed in a fairly stable home it was documented that I pulled my hair out and bit myself. That lasted about a year and then stopped for some reason. As an adult I smoke - which I consider self harm but no cutting, no burning, nothing self mutilating in that way.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

I'm a bit shocked that she thinks you self harm! Are you sure its because she believes that all childhood trauma sufferers self harm, or does she get the feeling that you are distinctly holding back? (that is, its more of a feeling that you're holding back that is cluing her in.)

 

[shrinkingviolet]

I too suffered childhood trauma and binge eat when feel empty or hold in my emotions, neither are helpful. I am definitely a work in progress. I think everyone has different ways of dealing or not dealing.

 

[Teasel]

Childhood trauma here too. No self harm as in cutting, sometimes Binging / drugs feel kind of self harmish to me tho

 

[Chava]

I'm in the self-injury camp, but am posting just to share something I read recently:

"Disembodiment gives rise to distinct symptomatic expressions related most commonly to self-harm and to eating....Chewing and swallowing normally induce a parasympathetic response. That's what we mean when we talk about emotional eating. In the midst of sympathetic arousal, we can use eating to nudge our CNS toward 'rest and digest'....binging quiets arousal..." Sebern F. Fisher, "Neurofeedback in the Treatment of Developmental Trauma"

I don't get this response from eating. Never did because I fall into the camp of rejection of food and find it very difficult to swallow when in an aroused state. But the author discussed this in the same paragraph with self harm, like either are means to the same end. It's like SSRIs work for some of us, not at all for others. Binging quiets arousal for some, whereas cutting works for others. We're all trying to achieve a more regulated state. It would make perfect sense to me that you wouldn't need to binge and self harm. I usually had one thing that worked and completely fell on that for safety in times of chaos...like cutting, then drinking...and when I was drinking very heavily I wasn't cutting...then burning...I think we take what "works" for us and run with it.

Anyway, there might be shades of differences in who finds relief through binging vs cutting, but not even enough to make a statement about (like abuse connected to both). But certainly you can have a traumatic childhood and not become a self harmer. I know victims of childhood physical and sexual abuse who became drug addicts, alcoholics, and binge eaters...actually fewer self injurers among the childhood trauma people I know in my AA sphere.

 

[Saria]

I don't self-harm either. Not by cutting anyway. Have been eating when overwhelmed as long as I can remember, and still binge from time to time. Previously used alchohol or drugs to "cope", but not so much anymore.

Makes sense that both eating and cutting quiets arousal like @Chava mentioned. We might be better off with making use of the mammalian diving reflex they use in DBT though, to activate the parasympathetic nervous system and calm down..sounds a bit more healthy.

@Maxi How comfortable are you with your therapist? Is it possible to be honest and talk about it, and tell her what you're thinking and that it makes you uncomfortable? Trust is so important. I know I'd feel really uncomfortable too if I felt my therapist didn't believe me.

 

[Maxi]

Thank you everyone, all of your posts have been tremendously helpful and reassuring as always, in helping me normalise my experiences :) .

@Chava That quote from the article seems to make a lot of sense to me. I do tend to get very easily overwhelmed when I don't binge and am triggered. I too used to be the opposite and restrict massively when I was triggered, things just seem to have shifted to the other side now.
@itsKismet I'm not sure if she thinks I self-harm, I'm just assuming that's what she thinks I'm holding back (although a recent session makes me think that she may keep asking me to just check how things are with me).
@Saria I'm very comfortable with her and It's not that I feel she doesn't believe me, I think she believes that I binge, just that I get the impression she feels that there is more. After a recent session, I've come to the conclusion that she may just be doing temperature checks, just to see where I am with stuff, as sometimes when she doesn't ask about emotions and things, I don't mention them.

 

[Lucycat]

I regulate my emotions mainly through binge eating and it has been that way since childhood (I do recognise that some may consider this slow self-harm)

Yes, I see this as self harm. Absolutely.

I also had an unusual self harm coping mechanism - I used to make myself vomit. It took a huge amount of courage to share it with T - it was he that put the self-harm label on it. I had never understood why I did it or what it meant. I was not binge eating, so it was not a Bulimia type of thing. I was making myself sick when I felt overwhelmed and out of control and this helped me regain a sense of control. It was a secretive act that I only shared with Rory after safely sharing it with T and understanding that I was not 'mad'.

maybe I am in a minority when it comes to individuals who have experienced childhood trauma and don't self-harm (in the more traditional way, cutting, burning etc)

But you are amongst those of us who do it in a non-traditional way.

I get the sense that she thinks I'm withholding.

It sounds to me like she is right.Maybe you will be discussing this further with her?

 

[UnKnown-Self]

Hi Maxi,

I am a survivor of childhood abuse and I don't self harm. I binge like you. Perhaps your therapist wants you to focus on what your feeling and how you cope. The best way to find out is to ask your therapist. Do you have a treatment plan or set goals in your recovery? Are you learning tools to cope? I think self educating is very important. We need to be our own strongest advocates. Of course all this is easier said than done.
How do I handle my emotions? I write and read about PTSD and that helps me try to understand what I am going through. Today I am kind of numb so my first reaction was, what emotions?
I wish you all the best.