nexttaste82
New Here
I know that I was raised in a chaotic environment. My family operated like a cult.
I have been agoraphobic to the extreme for nearly 3 years.
I found my tribe so to speak. But I don't know how they're doing or where they are.
I chose drugs and people that intended harm, and kept going back.
The abuse was not my fault. I know I'm having normal reactions to abnormal things....
I have flashbacks, rely on psychiatric medications to get me through.
I always feel the need to tell people my story, so they know the context.
But relating to others has to be very slow for me. Even if I am around others and not saying anything.
I am magnetized to narcissistic personalities and question if I am a "narcissist," but I don't engage in the behaviors that make one a narcissist..
I definitely feel like, because I've been in survival mode, I am either: numb, panicked, and isolated.
When my dog died almost 3 years ago, I was on full shutdown mode.
My only external feedback was that of an abuser. Then, people from 12 Step Programs.
I can't hide my pain. So, I am fresh meat for an abuser.
I want to gain my confidence back; maybe for the first time.
Just thought I'd share without going into the gritty details of what I've been through.
Hoping I find peace, recovery and can maybe help one other person, one day.
I have been agoraphobic to the extreme for nearly 3 years.
I found my tribe so to speak. But I don't know how they're doing or where they are.
I chose drugs and people that intended harm, and kept going back.
The abuse was not my fault. I know I'm having normal reactions to abnormal things....
I have flashbacks, rely on psychiatric medications to get me through.
I always feel the need to tell people my story, so they know the context.
But relating to others has to be very slow for me. Even if I am around others and not saying anything.
I am magnetized to narcissistic personalities and question if I am a "narcissist," but I don't engage in the behaviors that make one a narcissist..
I definitely feel like, because I've been in survival mode, I am either: numb, panicked, and isolated.
When my dog died almost 3 years ago, I was on full shutdown mode.
My only external feedback was that of an abuser. Then, people from 12 Step Programs.
I can't hide my pain. So, I am fresh meat for an abuser.
I want to gain my confidence back; maybe for the first time.
Just thought I'd share without going into the gritty details of what I've been through.
Hoping I find peace, recovery and can maybe help one other person, one day.
