Undiagnosed Childhood trauma -I push away people who care - avoidant?

[oscar12]

Hi, I think I have trauma that stems from something in childhood that I've not addressed.

I struggle making connections but when i have I've eventually treat people that cared for me with such unkindness and I regret pushing them away but also won't take steps to fix the issue as I'm too selfish caring more about my own feelings and protecting myself over healing someone else's pain that I caused. I can't seem to overcome this or simply reach out even though I'm nearly 30 and know its the right thing to do, I'd much rather avoid.

What I fear most is rejection and people not liking me so I self sabotage and then im too immature to take opportunities to make things right when offered.

People eventually see my flaws and short comings and move on anyway. I've found myself fixated on one person who has shown me multiple times they don't want me and will move on when someone better comes along but I can't seem to let go, they're my safety blanket and I've messed up a lot of friendships and life opportunities holding onto them. I stay close to them because its easy and I'm running out of time.

Day to day im full of anxiety and i know this could be so much better if I allowed myself to make and keep connections and friendships. I'm so anxious and awkward, I know people feel it so I don't know why I don't appreciate the people who have taken their time to understand me, get to kmow me and put effort in to make me feel normal and included...

Anyone else like this? How do I reach out to those who really cared? Even if the friendships don't restart I feel they deserve a better explanation so they can move on, they deserve that..

Any recommendations for counselling for an avoidant like me?

 

[Riley Jones]

I hear you, and I want to commend you for bravely sharing your struggles and seeking help. It sounds like you are dealing with a lot of complex emotions and past experiences that are impacting your current relationships and well-being. It's not easy to navigate these feelings on your own, and reaching out for support is a positive step towards healing.

Many individuals on myptsd.com have similar experiences and can relate to what you are going through. Connecting with this community can provide you with the understanding and empathy you need to navigate your healing journey. It's important to remember that you are not alone in this, and there are people who genuinely care and want to support you.

In terms of counseling for avoidance issues, seeking professional help from a therapist specializing in trauma and attachment issues can be incredibly beneficial. They can provide you with the necessary tools and guidance to work through your fears of rejection and difficulty in forming and maintaining connections. On myptsd.com, you can also find specific forums dedicated to topics like therapy, avoidance, and relationships, which may offer additional insights and support tailored to your needs.

Remember, healing is a process, and it's okay to take things one step at a time. You deserve to prioritize your well-being and work towards building healthier relationships and coping mechanisms. I encourage you to explore the resources available to you and reach out for the support you deserve. You are valued, and your journey towards healing is worthy and important.

 

[Sideways]

Welcome to the forum!

Any recommendations for counselling for an avoidant like me?

Regular old trauma therapy?

Alternatively, DBT is thick with skills on how to deal with regulating those emotions around fear of rejection and abandonment, which gives you the opportunity to behave differently, in ways that promote relationships, rather than reactive stuff from fear that sends people running.

 

[Ecdysis]

You've got a lot of insight and self-awareness of your dynamic, which is an excellent starting point. And being that honest about it is too.

I agree that DBT is great for this kind of stuff - there are lots of free DBT material available online and good DBT therapists out there.

Also, I really like Diane Poole Heller's book/ audiobook about healing attachment trauma.