Christmas

[Mach123]

We have not talked about Christmas Day. That means she's going to work probably Christmas night. She knows that hurts me. She always has done whatever they want for the people she works for. She always put her job before her family but even when I was self employed she wouldn't let me do that. I heard her mention the roast beast so I assume that means she'll cook regardless of whatever else goes on. I have no say in it really but she pretends I do. She always asks me if I want to do things even though it's decided already. That parts kinda sweet. I think it's sweet she does that. If she asks me about a thing and I say the opposite of what I know she wants I get punished. One year she asked me if I wanted to see some of my in laws and I said "of course not" so she didn't invite them and moped around all day like I told her she couldn't. She didn't ask me if she could, she asked me what I wanted, there's a difference.

 

[Mach123]

I love the music from "A Charlie Brown Christmas." The internet and phones are so great now it's so easy to get that stuff. I asked the therapist today if we could give her a Christmas gift. I almost did last year my wife and I talked about it then we didn't. She (the therapist) said no but she was fine I mean she wouldn't care what I did. It's not weird at all. We might get a card and chocolate or something for the office. They have helped us a lot. We appreciate it. She sees me for what the state pays which is nothing (half maybe) of what she gets usually? She did the paperwork as well so she could see me.

It's not important but I like the idea of giving her something from both of us as a couple because even though wife's not there she is.

The tree is up and aside from a few more things I'm not going to do much about it. I wanna put a few more lights outside but IDK if I'll get it done. I have a bunch of lights I don't need for the tree. The older ones that need fuses and are hot I'm trying to throw out. I'd never put them on the tree now even though they make me very nostalgic. The new LED lights are so much better.

The tree I went out of town for. My town is a junk box for stuff I don't shop here. My wife insisted and the last 2 trees came from the Boy Scouts in town but it was poorly staffed, they were never there, and last years lost needles so bad I think it was the worst tree I ever got. So I I went out of town and I got a really good one. Twenty bucks more but it's really fresh and sucking water up by the bucket. It'll last fine.

It's weird like being upset about not being upset. It's like anticlimactic now. I don't want anything. I'm not concerned about getting or giving gifts. It's fine.

My daughter called from out of state and gave me a "moms not texting me back what's going on I need to send gifts" call. She said we were ignoring her. She was real upbeat though and I think she's taking off a lot of weight. That's a nice Christmas gift. I'm happy she's doing better. We chatted a half hour or so. She may change jobs and go to work with her husband. They'd have a lot more money If she did. I hope she does, I like him. I want them to be happy.

 

[Mach123]

I want to hang out some more lights. I might try and do it today I just don't want it to look silly. I have a couple really nice strings of really big led lights one red and one green. All I have out are a couple strings of icicles right now and I'm embarrassed to say I don't feel confident at all about trying to hang them out. Decorate I mean. I'm going to see how they fit and they'll be Christmas red and green and nautical red and green which is appropriate because my sailboat is sitting in the driveway right under where they'll go and we are here by the sea.

I have to do a little more shopping just small stocking stuffer things. My wife got an iPad for our anniversary a couple weeks ago so the big gift is done. I have to write her a poem in a card. Maybe some fresh flowers. The anniversary flowers are still here and along with the cut ones I got her an amaryllis which is exploding the way they do. So beautiful. I don't know how we got on the amaryllis thing but we usually get one around Christmas. Such a fun plant. Bjs always has them for about ten bucks. So much entertainment for so little lol.

 

[Lionheart]

I will celebrate the birth of Jesus with a meal,...shared with family friends. I will try to honor my loved ones who will be there only in spirit. There's no money for gifts this year and it is not going to be big celebration. I am not in high spirits as I am grieving the loss of a close family member. I will try not to let my depressed mood interfere with others enjoyment of the holiday!!! I might get to see my daughter for Christmas and that will be the highlight of my celebration if I do.

 

[Neverthesame]

@Mach123 In my own opinion, I don't think you can go wrong with lights.
The giant inflatable Santa, reindeer, Rudolph or worse even, the hard plastic automatons with the scratchy tin speakers spouting "Ho, ho, ho!" are too much. Lights? Nah. Lights don't terrify the neighbourhood children, or attract near as many vandals.
Modern LED lights use so little power, even Greenpeace doesn't care if you go a little overboard.
Besides, it's only appropriate for your sailboat to have a lighthouse while it's parked there right? ;)

 

[Mach123]

@Mach123 In my own opinion, I don't think you can go wrong with lights.
The giant inflatable Santa, reindeer, Rudolph or worse even, the hard plastic automatons with the scratchy tin speakers spouting "Ho, ho, ho!" are too much. Lights? Nah. Lights don't terrify the neighbourhood children, or attract near as many vandals.
Modern LED lights use so little power, even Greenpeace doesn't care if you go a little overboard.
Besides, it's only appropriate for your sailboat to have a lighthouse while it's parked there right? ;)

My kid said the same thing on his way out to work thanks so much I put them out. (C'mon dad) I have to figure out the extensions now. I'm not an engineer! I love to watch shows about them though. : ) Measuring as I wrap them around the banisters is a challenge lol. IDK why I'm so shy and retiring? I always feel like naked trying to do anything around the house? Last house was the same. We are all piled in on top of each other. So far I'm doing good this time. Always smili, always friendly. Let's put out some more lol.

 

[Mach123]

I threw out a few strings of lights that practically killed me. I had them around I looked up buying fuses for them but I didn't make it to the store and those were the hot ones anyway and one string of the old tiny multi colored ones. Today was trash day so I had a reason to decide. Even simple decisions are so hard and letting go and throwing things away is almost impossible. Even though the lights didn't work most of those bulbs were still good lol. Some of those must be 10 years old I don't even remember but the cool lights are 100 percent better no matter what. 29 Christmas trees later. The first year I went over her house. We had only met a few months before. Seems like yesterday but it was a lifetime ago.

The Christmas trees are not like they used to be at all. There used to be open spaces in them and the ornaments could hang. Now they're genetically engineered and they are so full and bushy you can hardly get lights in by the trunk. I'm really happy with the one I got this year.

I can't wait to see what my red and green lights look like. My wife said don't put any more out . I can't wait to hear what she has to say. I don't think I'm done yet.

 

[Bristol]

Im glad to see im not the only one unsure about Christmas. I love the trees and the lights, but i have trauma anniversaries and triggers that are specific for this time of year so each day is different. By next year we will have a little one in the house which im hoping will breathe new life into it and gove it a different focus and give us the opportunity to create new traditions, but we will see

 

[Mach123]

The lights worked out I'm happy. I'm at the handicap Xmas dance/party right now. I'm not having as hard a time as I used. It's nice people take the trouble. Some of the aids are paid because most of these people are severely handicapped and can't be unattended. The agency that puts it on charges something. They have been extremely helpful though in our case and I suspect in quite a few others. The isolation that you experience when you have handicapped children is almost impossible to describe unless you've experienced it. You get used to it in the end. It's not a normal life. Even if you can earn a ton of money, it's never the same again. There is a beauty in it though. I saw God working with these people. I saw God because I saw people who were drawn to work with them and help them for no reason except they had to. I saw Him in their sacrifice. It was so touching and beautiful. But you wouldn't know it unless you lived it. Most people are frightened of them.

I've been depressed at these things. I've been angry at God. I've felt it was cruel. I've felt God was cruel.

But I understood finally it was an opportunity for us to rise above. For us to give and expect nothing in return. You do get something though. You get to try. Hard.

 

[Mach123]

I have to go to the storage locker. We brought home what I thought was all the Christmas stuff but we have no ornaments. They were doing construction over there yesterday I couldn't go. I have to take someone anyway it's creepy. Especially because they are doing construction. Right out of the x files. I also want sparkly garland I think. My wife won't help me do the tinsel she doesn't like it and I couldn't get it right last year. The lights are so pretty. It's dark and rainy and the days are so short now. The Christmas lights cheer me up. It's been pretty mild. If it didn't snow at all I'd be fine with that. I have to shovel so I can do without a white Christmas. This is a new house also and IDK how it's gonna be. The guy next door says he is gonna plow it because he uses my driveway to store his gear for a few months (he is a lobster guy). I don't mind I was a fisherman. I have a soft spot for them. I'm a little nervous about the snow thing. Gotta figure it out over here. I still have not got the lawn mower sorted out lol. I want a snow blower. I lust after one of those. : )

 

[Mach123]

We had most of the ornaments at home it turned out. My wife put them away but one of our autistic girls knew they were here. We didn't. She knows where everything is. We got some of the stuff sorted in the cellar. We are still moving in here. I wanted to go into Target today and buy candles for a couple of the windows. My wife is really dead set against it. It's just another one of those "things" we fight about. At least there are some lights up. I should let it go at that.

 

[Rumors]

I love being with my kid but other than that it represents chaos. Growing up it was always crazy and although there was a lot of love there was usually A LOT of chaos and bad stuff that happened too. As I have gotten older the only redeeming part is that my kid is out of school and I get to hang with him.