Chronic Pain And Depression

[anni]

Please don't ever, ( for real ) think that members kind of hang around waiting to be acknowledged for their posts. It's awful feeling a little or a lot of responsibility to write back to every, single person who has said 'something' on your thread. When I first joined the forum, in fact, it was enough to set up that whole stupid avoidance thing in my head, almost caused me to stop coming here altogether. You sound rather too far advanced in your comprehension and healing to fall victim to this, just thought I'd mention it.

It's always a puzzle, how much 'support' to offer and what that could be composed of. Hee, once in awhile I personally miss clues entirely and will post some long, pontificating 'blah blah blah' to which the other person politely replies um, yes, I knew that.... . It's called having my head stuffed up my backside that day. Too funny, hopefully others view it that way since they're the ones who get to read all the dreck. Anyway, nice to read you're on a much better page today, gosh.

So sorry there's a big, fat glitch preventing meds for pain, too. Who could blame anyone, everyone's chemistry is SO different, yes. What would be a God-send for one might be something which sends you to God, as you said. Even the meds which are helpful make me deeply thoughtful- celexa, for instance really did stop a quite serious suicidal thought process cold for me. Yes, that's 'good', but if you think about, whoa! That was a h*lluva switch almost overnight, what on earth IS this stuff and what else is it capable of? I do plan on getting rid of it asap, to be sure. Gives me the willies. Your caution is warrented, hope there's some kind of solution somewhere.

You didn't seem to be rambling, but I don't own your head, either. There's obviously some level of containment you've acheived which works incredibly well for you, so much congrats for that. Will shush now, thanks for your update.

 

[Venusian]

I shouldn't be surprised that I am feeling like this again. I tried taking pain meds and nothing I have even dulls it anymore. I need something stronger and I know that it is useless to see anyone until after the test I have booked on March 6 is over. It will be until the next Monday that I will have any answers. Two more weeks and 2 days. If it gets really bad I am sure I can get my doctor to fit me in but it will just be "maybe this one will work".

Patience is what I need to have. There is nothing life threatening that I know of, just a piercing pain like a knife blade in my hip that sometimes spasms to engulf my whole right side and wrap around my back. Lifting anything with any weight is too much bear. Walking any distance is too much. At least I can stand up without that collapsing sensation I had last week so that is an improvement.

When I have work it is more bearable. I have distractions that I need to do and I do them. At home I don't have the "need to do" distractions and I can't make myself do anything. I try, I start but I don't finish anything. I give myself a time limit, I break it down into smaller tasks, but still very little gets done. I just want some space, everything is piled on top of everything else and there is no organization. I don't know why that is so difficult for me I have never been organized at home. I used to like the chaos, the randomness that created unexpected connections that sparked my creative side. Now I just wish everything had a place and it would magically just find it.

I am so tired today, taking cat naps when my cat will let me. I fall a sleep and it seems like only a few moments later she is meowing at me for something. I don't nap during the day much so maybe it is because I am that she is worried. She is still uncomfortable in the new apartment. It may just be right across the hall from the last one but the sounds are just as different as if we had changed buildings. The appliances are different, where the stairs are located, where the sun shines in during the morning instead of the afternoon. Maybe it is affecting me too.

 

[Venusian]

I had the ultrasound test on Wednesday. The technician had to press so hard on the spot that hurt that I have been on Tramacet ever since. I had to leave work yesterday early because the pain was getting so bad. I was able to see the doctor today instead of Monday because the pain was still bad today. There was nothing showing up in the scans. The good thing is that there was nothing in the scans, no masses, no kidney or gall stones, everything looked normal. The bad thing was that nothing showed up. He gave me more tramacet. There is nothing more he can do except help me manage the pain until I see a specialist which won't be until at least June.

I am scared that I will get those thoughts again. I hate taking these pills. I feel so strange when I take them. It is almost like my mind "hiccups" when I am on it. I had to take a second one today and now I feel really dizzy. But the pain is at least bearable. The doctor did verify that the scar tissue that was found could have been caused by electricity. It wouldn't have been caused by my pregnancies, there wasn't any trauma from that, they were all normal. There is nothing else in my history that could explain it except for what happened when I was 5.

I am really starting to feel sick, I have to go to bed.

 

[Venusian]

I feel better today, the pain med and sleep helped get the pain under control again but I wish the second dose didn't make me feel so sick.

Getting the confirmation from a doctor that what someone did to me so long ago is what is causing this pain is hard to think about. I know that I have had pain all my life that I have just lived with, I recognize it now because for a few weeks after my surgery pain died down it was gone too. I lived with it and even now that it is back I can ignore it. This other pain, that I have been complaining to a doctor about for almost a year now is different, it is more localized and can be a sharp stabbing pain when I move wrong and a deep aching pain most of the other time. When it is the deep ache with out the stabbing pain I can ignore it. When it is both, that is what causes me problems. That it keeps getting worse as the months go by is what I have to face. That it possibly will be something that I will have to live with for the next 40 or 50 years is what I have to face. I need to start facing that reality. If, in several months, the specialist determines that there is something that can be done great. But I need to start now with my current reality instead of waiting for a "what if" scenario.

Now I just need to figure how I am going to face it and how I am going to live with it.

 

[The Albatross]

Glad you're feeling a bit better. Hope there is an intervention available for the pain. I know it's hard deal with. My motto is "Least invasive things first", but developing responsible and consistent habits for pain management can help a lot. I try not to go down the road too much about how it happened, I just focus on "what is" and how to best deal with it on a day to day basis.

 

[Venusian]

What do you do for chronic pain? I have medication but it makes me feel sick if I take two doses in one day and I have a hard time with my short term memory if I have to take it for several days at a time. The only other thing I can do is try and avoid the activities that make the pain worse. It is hard to do because I can't always avoid lifting heavy things. Sometimes it just gets worse even when I have done nothing. Just my body functioning causes it.

I am losing weight, by choice. I have needed to for a while but I just couldn't motivate myself. I joined weight watchers a week ago and I have already lost a few pounds. I don't know what changed but one day I woke up and knew I can do this. I know that I have to change to make things better. I am not expecting the pain to lessen much because I had already been losing weight when all this started a year ago. At that time it was just a change in my job. I was getting more exercise, it was nothing I was trying to do for myself. I liked it but it wasn't something I chose to do. I have gained all that weight back. I know that losing what I have gained back won't help but maybe once I lose more and get down to a lighter weight it will help.

I was able to finally see a psychiatrist and get an official diagnosis of PTSD this week. She can prescribe medication that my regular doctor didn't want to prescribe. The problem is that what she prescribed interacts with the pain meds she knew I was on. The pharmacist is trying to talk to her about it but she hasn't returned the calls yet. I am trying to keep an open mind about what that means. She may not have gotten the messages. I am hoping that whatever she does prescribe will help. I have had some bad experiences with the meds one of my regular doctors prescribed in the past.

I need some things that I can do to help me cope with this pain. It is getting worse again.

 

[Don't trip]

I so understand your pain. I'm so sorry you're dealing with this..

I'm on narcotic pain meds, daily and have been for quite some time. I recently had my dose elevated, when I had just titrated down to the lowest dose, with two autoimmune under control, I lifted a 20 pound laundry basket and it changed my life. Literally. I had my first sciatica flare and I can tell you that I'd rather have gone through childbirth six times without an epidural then go through that again. UGH!I have never felt so much pain in my life and It had me bedridden on prednisone (which really worked but had me nearly psychotic!), an increase in my pain medications and having been told by the doctor that I absolutely HAVE TO modify my activities, and permanently because my spine is not going to get better and I can actually make things worse. I need a tri level fusion in the cervical spine and degeneration has begun in lower back, with a herniated disc, and two bulges. I also have fibro, but after the autoimmune stuff and the spine stuff, it makes fibro a walk in the park. I've had that for ten years and it was manageable.

Chronic pain patients get a bad wrap and are considered whiny and needy, when in reality we actually have an extremely high tolerance to pain because we live with it everyday, so when it's exacerbated, or becomes intense beyond what we already deal with, we know something is amiss. I hope you find answers soon.

Pain meds suck. They create depression, grogginess and brain fog for me. Unfortunately, I am extremely sensitive to medication side effects and every anti depressant I have tried has had WICKED consequences and side effects that were intolerable. I find anti depressants to be more dangerous than pain medication. With research, anti depressants are scary for me because they can't tell you what parts of the brain it's REALLY going to affect per person. My doc recently tried to get me onto Cymbalta, um NO. WAY. I know it has worked for some people, but many more have had a hell of a time on them and a worse time with withdrawing from these medications.

I figure why take something else that will make me sick, when I know what works for me, which is the opiates, meditation, exercise? It's awful though, that we have to 'choose' between medications just to have relief. There is so much stigmatizing about pain meds and addiction that people are willing to live in pain, rather than live being stigmatized. There is a HUGE difference between addiction and dependence. I am dependent on my pain meds now. But I would also be dependent on an anti depressant too. I don't take more than I am prescribed and this 'euphoria' that everyone talks about? I WISH??? This crap makes me tired, depressed and crabby at times. But it keeps my pain to doable levels so that I can get out of bed in the morning and be ACTIVE. I want to be active as long as I can.

IT sounds like you're learning about balance. Appreciating your good days, knowing that your bad days will return. I'm still learning about that. I admire people like you who can be comfortable with themselves enough to say, "ok, this is a bad pain day so time for me to have compassion for myself and baby myself". and on the good days, it's "WOO HOO! Time to plant the garden I've been waiting half of spring to get too!" LOL!

I feel so badly for those suffering so. Oftentimes I feel it's so needless. I've been waiting months and months to see a neuro. I gave up on the one that I was referred to because they don't like medicaid patients. So I did research on my own and found an office who does not want to put me through painful invasive procedures before they see me for a fifteen minute consult. IT makes it harder to be seen.

Venusian, weight loss is always a good thing for health reasons, but I can share with you that my pain doesn't go away and I don't 'feel better' because I am very thin and in shape. Most of that is because of my metabolism, heredity.
I support your weight loss efforts though and am happy to cheer you on! My daughter just lost nearly thirty pounds on a diet and exercise program. If you would like, I can find out what it is and share it with you.

I hope you all get to feeling better. Chronic pain is really challenging to live with.

Oops, forgot to share this. Someone on the thread here mentioned that people tell her to get out and get active, LOL!

Yep, I've heard that too, along with 'Think positively! You're in pain because you FOCUS on it too much". On a smidge of truth to that, but boy when it's a flare? Like with the sciatica flare I had? Um.....there was not ONE thing I could have told myself positively that would have stopped what was happening. I think it's' very important to be careful what we say to people. So those who tell me I just need to get active (I'm already TOO active) is "thank you for your concern. I'll speak to my doctor about it as she knows my health history and is probably the one most appropriate in discussing an exercise or activity program with". UGH!

If I could just 'positive think' chronic pain away, i would NO ONE WANTS to live like this.

((((( HUGS ))))) I hope you feel well soon :)

 

[DharmaGirl]

I don't take more than I am prescribed and this 'euphoria' that everyone talks about? I WISH???

Hmm, me too. My pain meds make me sleepy, confused, fuzzy, and uncoordinated. I have serious spine issues and I'm going to have surgery next week. My pain got so bad that I finally got a referral to a neurosurgeon. Because I didn't get better after the last surgery, I was considered a "psych case". Turns out I have a really bad back. Really bad.

I joined several chronic pain groups, some of them seemed like a contest to see who was the most miserable, but one really helped. Maybe there are some in your area. I also went to a pain psychologist, who taught me methods to lessen my distress around my pain. I know it is hard to change your life to fit the chronic pain, and NO ONE wants to live that way. I have a lot of depression over the change in my lifestyle, and I'm hoping so much this surgery will allow me to live a much fuller life. I hope you can find some answers.

 

[Don't trip]

Monster,

I'm in therapy and we discuss this from time to time. It isn't the pain so much I 'struggle' with as the changes to my life that I do. I don't know how bad your spine is, but my neck is described as 'a train wreck". I have severe cervical spinal stenosis and cord impingement, foraminal narrowing and bone spurs that are flattening the cord. Lower DDD just discovered in June, with my first sciatic flare. O.M.G. . . and my doctor tells me that if I'm not careful, it can happen again, shoot, it can happen even if I"m being careful.

It's very frustrating. That is exactly what my pain meds do to me too. I try to stay on the lowest dose I can get away with. The pain is there everyday, like a nagging mother! Some days worse than others, but off the medication, it is intolerable. Despite the side effects that really suck, it DOES give me a quality of life to the degree that I can get out of bed, clean my house, play in my yard....but I have to be careful too because the medication masks the pain to a degree and this is how I got my sciatic flare. I lifted something too heavy, feeling I was in great shape, only to be reminded that I need to slow down.

Monster, this greatly confuses me. I want the surgery badly. I know they won't touch my lower spine yet, because despite pain, it isn't 'bad enough' but my cervical spine is. It doesn't cause pain that the lower does, but it creates other problems that are frightening with my walking, the ability to pick up small items, headaches from the back of my neck to the top of my head, and my left shoulder arm and hand are weakened. One of the neurosurgeons that I wrote an email too that I found online who is infamous for his work on spine's actually responded to me, and I had sent my MRI results to him. SO kind of him to provide answers when this is all I wanted. I just wanted to know how bad it is...he told me that what is going on in my neck is scary because it's when it reaches the point of NO PAIN that they worry. The stenosis and cord impingement is especially concerning.

May I ask what issues you've had in your spine and where? YOu mentioned surgery. Did you have surgery and then failed back syndrome? I hope that's not too intrusive a question.

 

[DharmaGirl]

I have the same issues in my lumbar spine that you do in your cervical spine. I did have surgery and "failed back surgery syndrome" which turned out to be just more stenosis and claudication. So the surgery didn't really fail, they missed a part, which they are going to get this time, and do two more levels. I had L4-5 and L5-S1 done last time, they are doing a lateral L4-5, then a laminoForaminotomy on L2-3, 3-4. Possibly open. I can't wait! My legs are wobbly and I can't walk more than 5 minutes without them hurting so bad I have to stop.

I had my meds increased twice 3 months ago because I had no pain control. I figured it was better to be fuzzy than to feel like my leg and hip bones were full of liquid fire. It helped a lot even though I still have periods every day where I have to lie down and meditate the pain down to a more tolerable state. I will keep you posted on the surgery, but everyone has different results. You keep me posted too.

 

[Don't trip]

Monster,

I hope the surgery works for you! I am SO envious, ugh! I have a feeling that surgery would restore quality of life for me. I understand completely about the pain in the legs. this has bothered me too for months, as well as pain in my hips and through out my butt and a nagging pain in my back. I've experienced leg heaviness and tingling/numbness as well. It hurts to walk and I too have to take a breather, although not as often as you do now. I so relate.

I hate the meds, truthfully. I think surgery is the only option to a life free of pain, if possible. I know the meds never take the pain away and it would be a monumental mistake to assume that, it just makes it more tolerable, although I'm sure you understand what I mean.

I'm so hopeful for you. DO keep me posted! When are you to have the surgery???

 

[DharmaGirl]

I'm having surgery March 26th. Yep, I agree that the meds make the pain more tolerable. One thing my therapist brought up that I hadn't thought about was that I won't be consumed with pain anymore, so I need to think about what I will fill my life with. Pain takes away so much quality of life.