Relationship Confused!!!!!!

[Angel Princess]

I have waited 10 days for the guy I am getting to know to come out of isolation, when he first disappeared on me I did get him to eventually reply to a text and he said I would hear from him again, but nothing for 10days!

I don't know if this is just his ptsd or whether it is him being a guy and just doesn't want to know but doesn't know how to tell me.

I sent him a message via facebook today and within 5 minutes he had blocked me so I cannot make any further contact with him - is this usual?

Am I being unreasonable expecting to have heard from him by now?

I am so confused!

 

[Angel Princess]

Ok, to get a proper perspective on this maybe I ought to tell you what I said in my message - I told him I was here and not going anywhere unless he told me to go! That I was confused, was trying to understand but didn't know how ptsd really affected him. That he was a great guy and we had fun together, that I thought he had withdrawn cos we got to know each other too quickly but if he didn't want to know he needed to be honest and say.

I now think I have done a stupid stupid thing!

I should have still just waited, cos now I have heaped extra pressure on him haven't I? Why was I so stupid, I shouldn't have sent it

 

[amethist]

Hi Angel Princess

This is hard for you not knowing which way it will go, all you can do is either sit and wait, or try and get on with your life, with some hope he may contact you when he is ready.

This is one of those times where the more you push him to contact you, the more he could back away. It could be his PTSD, or it could be just him wanting to be left alone to deal with his issues.

A relationship when PTSD involved is extremely hard for some sufferers to deal with, especially when they can only just about deal with their own issues. The added stress of trying to keep someone else happy, when they feel bad themselves, is not easy for them, which is why they isolate. It is not easy when you are married to your sufferer either, learning to understand what they can manage and can't in the way of trying to keep the relationship going. I once described my own relationship with my husband , as like living with a brother, not my husband. After over 3 years on the Roller Coaster, it is better, not back to how it was, but a lot better, more like husband and wife again.

The stress bucket explanation on the home page may help you understand this a bit more. It does take time to work out which is the best way to go, but the best advice and the most honest, for now from me is, look after yourself, do all the stuff you did before, and wait and see what happens next from him.

Take care.

Amethist

 

[Angel Princess]

Amethist thank you so much for your advice, the stress bucket explanation makes so much sense. I can't imagine how it must be for you being someone you have been close to for so many years feeling like you were brother and sister. I am glad you are now starting to feel like husband and wife again.

I have been thinking aabout this all afternoon and I wonder if my theory maybe worth thinking about! Not that I want to give myself any false hope.

I know I was wrong to sent the message but I am on this very steep learning curve, especially as this is the first experience of withdrawal/isolation, and I don't know him too well at the moment either. I will continue learning whilst keeping my distance from him like he wants and see what happens.

Isn't it said that sufferers "isolate" from people they are close to/have emotional feelings for? If that is the case maybe he is closer to me than I realise. If I had sent this message to a guy who wasn't suffering from PTSD there is no way he would have blocked me, he would have just read what I had to say and ignored it yes?

As this guy does suffer and he needs "alone time" at the moment, the message from me, could have caused further overload and his reaction of blocking me from fb could be justified in his mind - do you think this could be feasible or am I kidding myself?

So if how I am thinking could be right I just need to sit quietly and allow him the time and space to see if he wishes come back to me?

Fingers crossed eh!

 

[amethist]

It is true Angel Princess, that they isolate from the ones they are close to, they can also run away for fear of becoming too close. Sorry if this alarms you, we do try to be as honest as possible.

There are so many interpretations of what is going on, you could be here for ever trying to work out what to do and which way to go. all you can do for now is keep your fingers crossed and keep doing what you always did. the question you have to ask yourself is "How long do you wait", maybe a good idea to set your self a time line to work with.

I hope it is just "A time out" for him. Just be aware that it could go either way.

Keep reading and learning, it will help when he does contact you again. But remember you cannot live on false hopes forever.

Amethist

 

[Angel Princess]

I am SO grateful for the honesty. If I felt it was false hope I wouldn't be so patient, although patience is my best quality. I don't know what makes me think like this but I would like to give it at least a few more weeks - if I think about what he has told me so far I can see why he does need space.

As you say I have to put a time limit on how long I will wait and it is something I will think about.

In the meantime I am grateful for the support and will keep reading and learning, hopefully it will benefit me in the end if/when he does contact me.

Thank you :Hug_emoticon:

 

[Angel Princess]

meant patience ISN'T my best quality!!! Although I am working on it

 

[hopelives]

I would consider moving on. It sounds to me like although he has PTSD he is not feeling what you did after your first date. I wouldn't be waiting for someone that I have no commitment with. Sorry it is hard to hear but you are not in a relationship yet. You went on a date.