Relationship Contradictions Galore

[caligirl03]

My sufferer seems to be one massive contradiction. We're at a crossroads in which I said I can no longer envision a future with him if he's not going to be seeking regular treatment. In literally the same conversation, he'll say he realizes he has a problem to saying he doesn't at all, and I'm actually the problem. Or agreeing to go and asking me to help him research places to saying it's all bullshit and why should he comply with what I want when he doesn't feel like he needs it. The most recent conversation left off with him saying I clearly don't "love him for him" and told me to just move on with my life and find some do-gooder. My gut feeling is he's just hurt at the realization that he's no longer going to be getting his way of being with me without the stipulation of therapy. But at the same time I worry he really doesn't realize I just want his best. Should I just back off and hope that he eventually wakes up on his own?

 

[grimalkin]

I feel your pain, caligirl. I'm at almost the exact same point - he desperately needs to get help, but has convinced himself he doesn't need it. He says "This is who I am, I'm a loner, I'm angry," after a weekend of the loving, caring guy I know, with none of the angry loner around. I even heard I don't love him for him and need to move on, too.

I don't have any advice, beyond what you've heard over and over at this point - take care of you. Figure out your boundaries (I'm still working on mine) and enforce them, and lean on whomever else you can. Spoil yourself a little. And know, there are so many of us out here who are in the same boat - you are not alone. *hugs if you want them*

 

[Seeking]

I'm in the boat too! My vet says after I said , ignorantly without really knowing what I know now about PTSD, that maybe I should move on and find a dude that wants to talk about feelings. I was like move on, wth???????? Like we don't talk like that and I believe he was mad, frustrated because I came at him with the "look, we need to talk......" speech. Now, and it's been almost 4 weeks, I'm getting the I love and miss you, and of course he does because I am THAT WOMAN:) And I truly miss and love him! Understand they are a ball of contradiction and confusion. Pray and be there when they allow us.

 

[Crazyme]

I feel your pain, caligirl. I'm at almost the exact same point - he desperately needs to get help, bu...

I concur completely. I don't know what the answer is, but boundaries are very important. If he won't get help and if he's not even moving in the right direction, I think you should seriously consider moving on wit your life. I stay with my SO because he seems to be moving in the right direction and overall making progress. It also helps to keep a journal about things that happen so that you can look back and see what was really going on. My SO would convince me that he's been doing perfectly fine when he clearly was not. He can be very convincing and have me questioning my memory unless I am absolutely sure.

 

[Crazyme]

I'm in the boat too! My vet says after I said , ignorantly without really knowing what I know now about...

I have also found that the I have to talk to you speech puts him on a super defensive mode and then he starts attacking me. I don't know how to handle it, but that's just what I have learned lately.

 

[Seeking]

As of recently, since finding this site, I've learned so much. I think they have internal battles. I think they yearn to be the people they once we're but they have changed. When we come at them with our issues thinking they are the same people from the past, and expecting them to react rationally. Well PTSD doesn't allow it and before we know it, we've triggered something and we need to find someone else and other foolishness that were not interested in hearing. This is a process for all of us.

 

[dulcia]

"I need to stop drinking. I'm getting out of shape and spending too much money. If I stop drinking all the time and going out to eat and make food at home instead, I'll be happier and I'll get skinnier again"

45 minutes later: at the bar