Contradictions in the advice we're given

[Applecore]

I would like to start this thread for us to name and then ideally have an ironing out of some of the contradictory messages we receive from the expert opinion.

I can start with these, and can invite additions:

"Discuss your trauma" versus "don't dwell on your trauma".

"Don't repress your feelings and speak up" versus "stop complaining".

"Build a community" versus "go no contact".

"Ask for help" versus "don't be dependent".

"Give support to others" versus "don't be co-dependent".

I admit it's all very serious so far so I would welcome some lighter ones and maybe some jokes, too!

Much love,

Applecore

 

[Dark.Green.Feathers]

“Just tell me, otherwise I can’t help you” VS “Let’s pause and check in on ourselves”
(The latter is a true professional… prioritises sharing things safely instead of efficiently.)

 

[Roland]

"Self care is so important, be sure to take time for yourself"

"Why are you isolating yourself? You know that's harmful"

 

[OM_™]

I understand how your CSA has affected you, but you really need to be more casual regarding sex .

 

[Charbella]

We’ll go at your pace vs it’s affecting you too much to go this fast.

It’s not your fault vs well if you’d done that differently it wouldn’t have been so bad.

You get to be in control vs if you’d just let go of some of that control things would be easier.

 

[Lost in the Woods]

This is more of a misdiagnosis than a contradiction. 24 years ago I sought treatment for some neurological symptoms. After a few years I was diagnosed with a degenerative brain condition. Then I started having what we now know were ptsd symptoms. I was told they were part of the neurological condition and nothing could be done. Fast forward to 6 months ago and I was diagnosed with PTSD and PTSD appears to be the cause of 90% of my symptoms. I think I am the only person ever to celebrate a PTSD diagnosis because there are things I can do about PTSD.

 

[Applecore]

I understand how your CSA has affected you, but you really need to be more casual regarding sex .

If there was a facepalm emoji here I would have used it...

 

[arfie]

seems to me that most of the contradictions here are questions of balance.

Discuss your trauma" versus "don't dwell on your trauma".

being able to discuss it when needed versus producing my very own made-for-tv melodrama

"Don't repress your feelings and speak up" versus "stop complaining

venting my emotions out loud versus victimhood

"Build a community" versus "go no contact".

the larger my community, the more i need my alone time.

"Ask for help" versus "don't be dependent".

ask for help when i am over my limit, but remain willing to do for myself whenever possible

"Give support to others" versus "don't be co-dependent".

effective support is even more effective when i am willing to be a simple cheerleader

add-on
keep an open mind but not so open that your brain falls out