Controlling Family

[Abrasky]

I was wondering how many people had a controlling family and if they thought this impacted on their PTSD at all?

 

[samadian]

Oh yeah. For sure.

And when I feel they are trying to control me, I get highly triggered. From all outward appearances, they end up looking sane and I do not. It's frustrating. They are like a cult.

 

[Abrasky]

There is a book by Dan Neuharth called If you have been a controlling parent that has a section on cult like parenting, which is the same style of parenting that I had. It talks about who it breaks down your identity. My psychologist thinks this is what happened to me.
I came from a controlling cultlike parent and the violent incident that gave me a traumatic response. From that traumatic response I then became a controlling adult, having to keep everything under control to avoid the painful feelings associated with being abused for 16 years.I have only just realised this. It is hard to pick up on though because I don't control normally like my dad. I control by letting go of everything. Letting go is my control, I think it is also deprivition. It only effects me in some areas of my life though, some are immune from it like parenting,I suspect because I hit rock bottom and felt like nearly died from complication from a kidney infection while I was breastfeeding my son. I step up with my parenting. It mostly effects work.

 

[Grace11]

Oh, man. I waded into this with my therapist last night. I have a VERY controlling mother. I think my relationship with her is very much tied into my guilt issues and a lot of the problems that have taken place between the two of us since my trauma. She wanted to control my emotional reaction to it, what I did every moment, who I was friends with, where I went, what time I went to bed.....I'm in my thirties!! I lost my temper eventually and we both said some nasty things. Now, she is helping me a bit financially and that lets her think she can control again. I really must find employment. I feel guilty even typing this because of her help and love....she is just suffocating me. I am dreading the holidays this year.

 

[samadian]

Do either of you have trouble reconciling the truth with the reality you created? I have a hard time saying they are controlling, yet there are so many signs of it. My mom had access to my bank information, she had her car registered in my name....weird stuff that is taking me time and effort to untangle from. In so many regards she was neglectful so to merge the controlling part with the neglect is really difficult. She also appears to be very passive outwardly.