General Coping With Shut Downs, Running Away And Our Partners Feeling Smothered

[Ladyhope Somerset]

Not sure which comes first or even if the three are always linked.
These subjects have come up in threads but I was wondering if it might be helpful to pull some thoughts together.

We've all been there, that's one thing I am sure about. I'd like to say it gets easier but I'm not sure about that. Perhaps as we become more familiar with the signs it's less scary so that makes it easier from a carers perspective. Here are the more obvious signs that I've noticed:

* Becoming more preoccupied
* Lack of interest in things
* Being defensive
* Personal appearance deteriorates eg not shaving regularly, not changing clothing

 

[willis williams]

Very nice RG Definite signs.

 

[willis williams]

RG I tried to put a like on your post and am not sure if i did it right hope I didn't do it backwards.

 

[sisu]

- sleeps more but is always tired
- doesn't want to talk to anyone

 

[willis williams]

If you watch closely some will tear at even happy things because emotions are crossed but we hide it good you have to pay very close atention.
We will either watch stimulating TV to try to bring ourselfs out or the total opisite blan thaughtless TV. It depends on shut down wouned to tight anxioty overload, or depression shut down. in my experience anxioty ones are shorter than depressive. but you gals are right on track the sad thing is it is not your fault and you can't fix it your along for the ride that is why women that can deal with it are a very special breed and we love you for it. TEX
Can't give away all the secrets it would take the fun out.Link Removed

 

[sisu]

Tex, you are funny....tell all the secrets...I am over the "fun". haha

As a carer, what is the best thing for us to do for our loves when we find a shut down upon us?Link Removed

Usually I know the reasons for the shut down, however the shut down and his state of mind in the shut down has little or no reason and rationality. He is so consumed by it and cannot see anything outside of that moment. He sees no light at the end of the tunnel and feels sorry for himself. Like he cannot see that this state of mind will end and he will feel better soon. Most of the time he is pretty good.....during the shut down he thinks he is like this most of the time.

 

[willis williams]

Tharapy I go every two weeks it has to be addressed ahead of time or you just have to ride it out. The phisiology "I think is the right word" is always there in other words the chemical imbalances they can be treated by a phsyciatrist. Mood stabilizers are used for maniac bi-polar like lithium or others help with mood swings in some people but I am not a Dr.. In a shut down anti depressants don't work inless you have been taking them for a long period of time sometimes up to two months. If a person learns his triggers, and aniversaries like a period of time for me Sept.to end of Dec. they can work on therapy harder the state i am in has grants to mental health clinics for veterans and they don't cost a dime and they love to see vets because it keeps that funding. I could use the VA but I am one of those asses that refuse to see a therapist who is not a combat veteran. My phsyciatrist is a VA Dr. and that is to control my meds. There are other methods like emerson, ect. ect. but these require time and dedication but look at the symtoms of PTSD these are very diffecult to acomplish say it pisses us off we say f*ck it we don't have to deal with this shit. All of this is just my experience and some knowledge every vet is so different. The only key I've learned is I had to hit the bottom in everything ware i did not want to live I did not want to kill myself I just wanted it to end. I tried to drink myself to death it didn't work I kept passing out. I tried cliff diving anything dangerous I could try to get that fix " I'll explain fix maybe another time" and end it at the same time. Didn't work got some screws and stuff that hold my body together. Hate to say it but it is up to him aside from being thrown in a three south (VA nut house) like me for five weeks to get my head out of my ass. He has to want it just like the degree he is getting if he is still in the mind set that he controls it that it cant controll him he is not ready to learn methods of not fixing but managing the symtoms. Just be suportive and remember as brothers we fought wars together mind body and spirit no matter what country a warrior spirit is always together and the bond is sometimes stronger than the ones we love (HINT). PTSD is a war we fight alone but sometimes we need help even carers need help from the warrior spirit think about it you would probably say you would die for him but you have children so it is a good jesture but not really true now ask one of his close brothers and not family it goes deeper and know the words are true. Because it has allready been tested even if no one died they stood there side by side. So you will have to find a way to get a brother that is somewhat uder control and don't make it is were it is like you went to get him help remember the hole feeling weak he will get royally pissed and maybe he can talk to him about going farther on dealing with some of the symtom. Do I need to put a disclaimer on this I am not A Dr. or paid professional. TEXLink Removed

 

[sisu]

You are wise Tex. The sentence you wrote..."if he is still in the mind set that he controls it that it can't control him he is not ready to learn methods of not fixing but managing symptoms". I think you hit the nail on the head for my BF and possibly a lot of other people living with ptsd.

By the way, my BF is going out with one of his Army brothers this weekend. It might do him some good. Link Removed

 

[willis williams]

I do it to it never becomes all daisies I wished it was. I go down I want to run away but me and my sweety she just lets me be and so what do I to run from. It works some how. I guess she is just real secure about my love for her and my family even though I may not show it all the time! TEX

 

[NikkiNikki]

- sleeps more but is always tired

Looking back, the entire week before my BF's "shut down" or whatever you want to call it he was taking meds every night to help him go to sleep early at night, but was still having a hard time staying awake during the day.

 

[Jimmy1]

Hmmm, this is a subject that I know a fair bit about.

I have had problems with sleep for a lot of years now. And this is what I have learned.

Alcohol, marijuana, and other substances don't really help you sleep. You think you are asleep but your conscious is just altered that's all. This is the same with sleeping medications like stilnox. I can have one or two of these and go to sleep, but can wake up and stay up all night.

The only medication which has any real benefit to me is a medication called 'Avanza' solutab. It puts me into a drowsy enough state that I fall asleep well. I can get up during the night, but can go back to sleep. The side effects are drowsiness in the mornings and weight gain which makes you depressed. Your damned if you do, and damned if you don't.

If your like me and don't work any more, I just sleep when I feel like it. Going to try meditation next week.

Just my opinion.

 

[willis williams]

I use trazodone and it works through the night even when I get up to take care of my baby he is sick so he wakes up coughing. I can go back to sleep easy but Jimmy is right I still never feel rested during the day. It is better than what it used to be 2hrs. one night 4 the next. I have also gained weight from one of my meds and ain't figured out which one yet all in my chest and belly I have never gained weight like that before it is usually hole body? TEX