Could You Make Room For Me Under That Rock?

[Jen93]

This thread isn't about relationship problems, but more about relating to people.

Does anybody else ever feel like the people they talk to some times must have bumped their head falling down the rabbit hole?

I have a blog, and I wrote about trauma (in children's books; not my own) and I had a lot of comments-mostly from friends who were surprised at how deep my analysis went. I also had comments from other followers. One person asked "Why don't people speak up or tell someone they trust?"

That made me angry, but not at the person. I answered her politely, giving reasons... But I'm still irritated. Does anybody think that people are ignorant about abuse to the point where they seem to live in Wonderland?

I know I shouldn't be angry at people who have been sheltered (I thought I could include myself in this group. :( Negative.) but it seems to me that everybody has such simple ideas. Add in the media where they picture abuse as severe only when it is physical with visible bruises; and statements like "If you or a friend is being abused, speak up." it seems to me that people either have to have a picture painted in front of them to point out what's wrong, (and when asked "what's wrong with this picture" most of them will guess incorrectly). Or the media has made abuse dramatic instead of insidious, causing people to forget that it is hard to speak up.

These oh so sheltered people also forget that people being abused can't rrecognize abuse sometimes, so they can't speak up. It isn't out of fear they keep silent, but out of ignorance. Does anybody else get angry at those kind of blanket statements from people who don't understand? How do you deal with it without going into your own history or revealing anything personal?

I wish I lived under that rock others do, if there's any room for me, save me a spot.

 

[piratelady]

Why don't people speak up or tell someone they trust?

I don't get angry or irritated at the statement above. It is important to remember that not everyone has experienced abused, so they don't understand it.

It's the same with other aspects of mental illness. Recently I had to tell my boss about my depression. She responded by asking me questions about "What was I upset about?" (I had no specific answer) "Why don't you just do the things that will make it better?" "Why do you not want to get out of bed?" She sincerely had no understanding of depression, because she's never experienced it.

The same goes with PTSD, Abuse, and Anxiety. If they haven't been there, they have no experience to draw on for understanding. To try to understand, they will ask questions. Some of my boss' questions got to me at first until I recognized her sincerity and that she just doesn't get it.

Not everyone is asking for that reason, and there are people out there that will just be jerks about it, but most, I think just don't get it.

 

[Eleanor]

Hi Jen, I find that people have a hard time understanding ANYTHING they haven't directly experienced themselves - it is just that most of the time we don't care very much. Try explaining what is good about sushi to someone who has never tried it. Or what it is like to share your life with a dog. It is hard to convey this stuff. There is a whole sub-genre of literature by doctors who "Never really understood what it was like to have illness X (that they had been treating for decades...) until they got the illness themselves." Professors who go back to being students are often surprised at how unpleasant the whole thing is.

We are ALL under the rock, we just don't know what we don't know. Forgetting about what you DO know is a whole different deal, and not really advisable.

I can see how you'd feel angry - really people should know *something* about this stuff given how god-awful common it all is - at least how to be polite about it. But then, perhaps if people DID know something (generally) it wouldn't be all that common anymore. Or so one hopes.

 

[WillThereBeCake]

Why don't people speak up or tell someone they trust?

The part that upsets me about such statements is not he lack of knowledge they show in relation to an individual they may be speaking to, but the threat that lack of knowledge poses to society as a whole.

I think we've reach the point where we can say that pedophilia has reach epidemic proportions. We, as "The Village" have got to wake up and protect the children. We're not going to be able to do that with the above quoted mentality. These babies need us to know the signs and be their voices.

That is why I think we might need to take that rock they're living under, and give them a love tap on the head with it.

 

[Eleanor]

Will bring my (cushioned) baseball bat and join you for those wake up taps WillThereBeCake!