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Undiagnosed CPTSD from IPV in Adulthood?

EFD89

New Here
Hi all

I'm new here. I was brought to this site by google "gravol abuse and ptsd", because I've been abusing gravol almost daily for a little over a year now while at work in order to get me through the day. I've also been self- medicating with weed daily (been diagnosed with cannabis use disorder and gravol use disorder.. which I didn't even know what a thing). I don't smoke weed before or during work (I replace it with gravol during these hours), but as soon I get home it's the first thing I do before anything else. It's like I don't feel 'myself' until I'm high...which is a dichotomy.

The reason I started self-medicating was to cope with the escalating emotional, verbal and physical abuse in my marriage and the unfamiliar, unpleasant thoughts, emotions and behaviors it was eliciting in me. But of course, the more weed I consume on a daily basis, the more exacerbated and irrational the thoughts, beliefs, emotions and behaviors become... allowing my spouse to use gaslighting to convince me that my weed use is the problem; not the abuse or the devastating impact it's had on me, or the possibility that this 'sudden undesirable change in character' could be a trauma response.

I'm extremely emotionally reactive, when I wasn't prior to this relationship. I find myself acting out during arguments in ways that are frightening and foreign to me (yelling, screaming, name-calling, slamming doors, uncontrollable crying/hyperventilating), then I end up feeling worse because I've engaged in the same abusive behaviors that have hurt me so deeply, and I feel like an inherintly bad or flawed person, deserving of the maltreatment. Sometimes all my spouse has to do is tell me some mundane fact about her day, and for whatever reason (its often not clear to me at first) I'm having an unpleasant physiological response (knot in my stomach, warm rush up throat, heart palpitations) and I'm FILLED with rage, fear and an all encompassing sense of betrayal. I then act out accordingly, creating threat where there was none in the first place.

When I'm not 'acting out' or emotionally dysregulated in some fashion, I feel far away and disconnected from other people, the world and myself. I feel disconnected from my thoughts and emotions, and sometimes don't recognize myself in the mirror. My social anxiety has sky rocketed and I can hardly tolerate even small talk with co-workers, nor can I seem to hold eye contact with people longer than 5 seconds when I'm speaking. My self-esteem/sense of self is so shot/convoluted that people in general have become triggering.

I guess what I'm just wondering, is if it's possible to develop C-PTSD from intimate partner violence/domestic abuse in adulthood. Most of what I've read, states it is developed from childhood abuse, which I didn't experience (but my spouse has, which is a major factor in how I justify/explain/rationalize some of her abusive behaviors toward me and convince myself it's not her fault/it will change if she got help). But the signs and symptoms all resonate with me.

Can prolonged Intimate Partner Violence/Domestic Abuse in adulthood, cause C-PTSD in adults?
 
I hear you, and it takes courage to share your experiences. I am glad you found your way to this community. Your struggles with substance use, emotional reactivity, and the dynamics of your relationship are significant and deserve attention and support.

The impact of intimate partner violence and domestic abuse can indeed lead to Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (C-PTSD) in adults. The repeated trauma, manipulation, and control tactics experienced in such relationships can profoundly affect your sense of self, your emotional regulation, and your interpersonal relationships.

It's important to recognize that your reactions and coping mechanisms, such as self-medication, emotional outbursts, and disconnection from yourself, are likely adaptive responses to the trauma you are facing. However, they can also contribute to a cycle that perpetuates distress and makes it challenging to break free from the abusive dynamic.

Seeking professional help from a therapist who specializes in trauma and understands C-PTSD can be a crucial step in your healing journey. They can support you in processing your experiences, developing healthier coping strategies, and rebuilding a sense of safety and self-worth.

Within the myptsd.com community, you can find forums where individuals share similar experiences with intimate partner violence/domestic abuse and its effects on their mental health. Connecting with others who understand what you are going through can offer validation, support, and insights into your own healing process.

Remember, you are not alone, and there is hope for healing and growth beyond the challenges you are facing. Your resilience and willingness to reach out for support are powerful steps towards reclaiming your well-being.
 
Can prolonged Intimate Partner Violence/Domestic Abuse in adulthood, cause C-PTSD in adults?
There's no difference in treating PTSD & CPTSD, so I wouldn't worry too much about whether it's PTSD from complex trauma or CPTSD.

Speaking as someone with complex trauma up to their eyeballs. 🤠

Combat Rape Assault Murder Imprisonment Torture K&R Natural Disaster Terrorism Gang Violence Medical Trauma MVAs Fire Domestic/Intimate Partner Violence Attempted Murder Stalking HomeInvasion Et Cetera Et Cetera Et Cetera.

^^^ Not a complete list of my trauma history, but? Over 20 years of complex trauma 11+ years of DV/IPV... ALL as an adult, golden childhood, me... so when I say "I wouldn't worry" I mean that literally. As in I don't / I DGAF if it's PTSD from complex trauma, or CPTSD. All I care about is unf*cking my head/heart/life.

Welcome to the community!
 
Can prolonged Intimate Partner Violence/Domestic Abuse in adulthood, cause C-PTSD in adults?
Definitely, single instances of violence can be traumatic, so for a prolonged time, many times of being unsafe and harmed, PTSD is bound to develop eventually. Not everyone, but these are common causes for it, from what I have seen and heard and experienced. You woudn't be an impostor at all

I hope you can get somewhere better eventually, and I'm sorry for what happened
 
Welcome to the forum:)


It sounds like you aren’t physically safe at the moment. Is there somewhere else you can stay?
I have a very supportive family, all who have offered their space and I know I can use if need be. I just hesitate to, because I don’t like putting them the grief only to go back to my abuser afterward.

There's no difference in treating PTSD & CPTSD, so I wouldn't worry too much about whether it's PTSD from complex trauma or CPTSD.

Speaking as someone with complex trauma up to their eyeballs. 🤠

Combat Rape Assault Murder Imprisonment Torture K&R Natural Disaster Terrorism Gang Violence Medical Trauma MVAs Fire Domestic/Intimate Partner Violence Attempted Murder Stalking HomeInvasion Et Cetera Et Cetera Et Cetera.

^^^ Not a complete list of my trauma history, but? Over 20 years of complex trauma 11+ years of DV/IPV... ALL as an adult, golden childhood, me... so when I say "I wouldn't worry" I mean that literally. As in I don't / I DGAF if it's PTSD from complex trauma, or CPTSD. All I care about is unf*cking my head/heart/life.

Welcome to the community!
This has been really validating, thank you :) but I’m also so very sorry to hear what you’re living with <3
 
i’m sorry you’re in this situation.

no, complex ptsd is not only from childhood. however you are in the middle of the situation, not “post-trauma.” this is important to keep in mind. can you see a therapist?

when you are able to read more about this you may consider reading a foundational book on complex trauma/cptsd, Trauma and Recovery by Judith Herman, specifically the chapter Captivity.
 
PTSD from complex trauma
Vs.
Complex PTSD

First one describes the mess of traumatic events
Second one describes the mess of symptoms

ETA: looks like I’m wrong. I think you’re right.
 
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